December 9th, 2010

RFH - 2010-12-09

Longbottom Outrage
Kerry was only on vacation for 3 days but everything has already gone to hell. Who approved the kid who plays a tertiary character in the Harry Potters?! He wasn’t even in it ‘til the Philosopher’s Stone (Kerry, that was the first) (okay, Americans that was Sorcerer’s). He’s a D-lister and he’s calling in!

Unforgettable Quote #1
“Is he in Harry Potter and the goblet of AIDS?”—Kerry Jackson

Come for the beaches, stay for the cockfights
A cock fight arena was a stone’s throw away  from Ritz (Kerry knows ‘cause he was throwing them). The concierge wouldn’t say when the fights were. Skip the Bacardi tour, it’s just a recreation of Bacardi. Even though you get 2 free. But try the cuba libre—when asked by name it’s Bacardi rum and Coca-Cola coke, and lime. A rum and coke will get you whatever. If a little bar in San Juan allegedly created the piña colada, then the Ritz perfected it. The Puerto Rican people are great. If they seem angry, they’re not, just boisterous. They love big asses but the women are either hot or ugly; nothing in between. If you want Mexico-like but without the fear, choose Puerto Rico. Kerry’s comfort food? Airport restaurant penne pasta with a pork ragu.

#1 Students, may I direct your attention to the front of the class A part time instructor at Kennesaw State University exposed himself as part of the lecture.
#2 Get the gay gone! The women’s soccer coach at Belmont University may have been fired for being pregnant with her same-sex partner’s baby.
#3 She must really need the money $5,000 was raised for Primary Children’s Medical Center at a 2-day softball tournament only to be stolen. The Hooper softball coach has been arrested and charged with a 3rd degree felony after admitting the theft.

Brought to you in part by hamburger, Boner #3 wins.

Jeff Vice Movie Reviews
The Wild Target        2 stars       
lighthearted and dark mix-up
White Material        2 stars
Last Train Home    3 stars       
for documentary lovers
The Tourist        2 stars        you’ll spot the twists
Chronicles: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader    2 stars    “voyage of the 'yawn' treader”; coverted 3d; positives: short length, veteran director

Tasty Pie Winners
Chef Bob, Bob Harmon and Frankenweather (Fox 13’s Brett Benson). In competition were 12-15 pies. Bill would only eat a pumpkin pie if there’s not any other around ‘cause you gotta have pie. Gina will have anything with a graham cracker crust. Bobs agree with Brett that it was difficult to pick the meringue since it is not a choice pie of theirs. Bob Harmon is your current grocer and future governor because he diplomatically deflected comment on what the worst pie was.

Best Fruit Pie: $250 Harmons gift certificate to Kristin Palony for “Pie Palooza”; pleated crust- light and flaky with an apple-cinnamon filling and caramel-crumb topping
Best Other Pie: $250 Harmons gift certificate to Eric Halbretter for a bourbon pumpkin cheesecake; the light shot of bourbon helped the judges
Best Overall Pie: Kerry's laptop and U2 tickets to John Tuler and Anitra Kerr for a no-sugar, sweet potato meringue pie with zagave; crust cooked perfectly, filling smooth and 'stiff peaks' of meringue

Unforgettable Quote #2
“My minds pretty open!”—Gina Barberi

Gina’s sign-off: Did it have stiff peaks?