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17 November 2006 @ 02:34 am

“How fast is the speed of dark?”

Gina's sweet husband Joe sent her to work with one of the Kashi frozen meals for lunch. She didn't want it. It had black beans in it. She gave it to Bill. Bill ate it and thought it was delicious – southwestern-style chicken and black beans. The only detriment was that Bill was a bit gassy for the rest of the day. Joe hasn't asked her yet, but probably will ask her if she enjoyed the meal. Gina will lie and say that it was good. Gina doesn't really think of it as lying since Bill said that it was, in fact, good. Kerry is appalled that Joe has no idea who the hell it was that he married. Gina is certain that Joe won't love her once he knows who she really is.

Boners (brought to you by pasta and a ceasar salad)
1. “It's Because The Soldiers and Mexicans are Driving Too Fast”: After ordering police officers to target soldiers and Mexican drivers for speeding tickets, the Mayor of Coopertown, TN was suspended. A judge has reinstated the mayor citing the fact that the police officers obviously didn't obey his order. The judges evidence? The fact that there were still soldiers and Mexicans found to be speeding through the town.
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2. “Some Days it Just Doesn't Pay To Get Out of Bed”: During a botched kidnapping attempt of a teen, one of the would-be kidnappers fired a pistol at the teen, then attempted to store the weapon in the waitband of his pants. The gun fired, striking the kidnapper in the left testicle. This, naturally, caused the man to double over, which caused the gun to fire again, this time striking him in the calf.
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3. “Old Glory is Sovereign”: Pahrump, NV has recently passed an ordinance banning the flying of foreign flags unless The United States Flag is flown above it.
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The one-testicled kidnapper is Boner of the Day.

Neglected News
Michael “sick sick sick....freak” Jackson didn't sing thriller. He brought on a chorus of children and tried to sing “We Are The World” and was booed off the stage. Tom Hanks fell off a cliff and died. He is survived by his polygamous spouses Meg Ryan and Rita Wilson.

17 November 2006 @ 03:10 pm
17 November 2006 @ 04:17 pm
Gina wanted me to edit the photo... Can a more talented person that my
self add an Xmas tree and a pile of Crown Burgers?
17 November 2006 @ 09:13 pm

1. "Your Change Machine Ate My String": A man and woman were arrested and charged with fraud after attempting to use a $10 bill attached to a string to rip-off a car wash change machine. Their plan failed, but there attempt was caught on camera. To make things easier on police, the couple called the manager of the car wash to ask for a refund of their $10 bill, which the machine had eaten.
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2. "I Could Not Work The TV Without The Remote": A French television thief would probably have gotten away with the object of his theft if he hadn't returned to the scene of the crime after forgetting to take the TV's remote control.
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3. "They've Got The Right Idea in Russia": Deseret News columnist Lee Benson was very critical of the new "Borat" movie. He felt that the movie was disgusting and racist and foul. Mr. Benson wholeheartedly supported a Moscow censors decision to ban the movie from the city's theaters.
(View Story)

The French television thief is Boner of the Day.

Boner of the Week
A new trophy in the Boner Hall of Fame as Orenthal James Simpson was again crowned Boner of the Week.