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13 November 2006 @ 12:52 am
RFH - 2006-11-13  

Opening Song
"Pressure Drop" - The Specials

"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."

Fear Itself
Besides cougars, snakes, sting-rays, dark parking lots, poo-water, the hood, cheese, and sushi, there is only one thing that scares Gina, the wind. Gina is terrified of rapidly moving air. Her alter ego, Scary Windee, gets nervous when the leaves start skittering down the street.

Gina also has a fear that someone will steal her TV if they see it, so she never opens the blinds on the front of The Historical House of Character. Bill wondered if Joe treats her like a special needs child when she refuses to let him open the blinds?

Gina was also caused great distress by a backfiring car across the street. She was sure that the loud cracking sound was that of gun-fire. Frightened as she was, Gina isn't capable of diving for safety, so she lazily rolled her body off the couch, collapsed her skeleton to fit in the space underneath the sofa and screamed for the children to, "GRAB SOME FLOOR!!" When people visit Kerry's house, he provides his guests with slippers. When people visit Gina's house they are treated to complimentary Flak jackets.

Birthday Meal
For Gina's birthday, Joe took her to Lugano's. It was good. It was loud. She had too many drinks. Bill grew tired of repeatedly trying to drag a story from Gina's mind.

Getting Older
Gina can't use young person moisturizer anymore. She went to the make-up counter to pick up some new moisturizer and the clerk asked how old Gina was. Gina gave the information and was told that she really ought to use something for more mature skin. Actually, the lotion is exactly the same, but it smells 30% more like old-woman and is 50% quieter.

Neutral Face
Little Bill receives a daily "On Task" report from his teachers. It's a 1/2 hour by 1/2 hour report of how well Little Bill behaved and performed during his various lessons. According to the report, Little Bill had a very good day; he was noted as an excellent singer and a good artist. That was, until 12:00-12:30, when he "Chewed the plastic lining of the garbage-can in group." Bill doesn't know what to make of that. Bill was always a chewer; pencils, erasers, his fingernails, but never a garbage can liner.

1. "We're Crusaders For Christ - By Accident": The Garden Guy landscaping company in Houston, TX used to be a small and quiet business dedicated to the beautification of the Houston area. That all changed, however, when the couple owning the business sent an e-mail to a homosexual couple informing them that Garden Guy declined to work with homosexuals. The homosexual couple in question then forwarded the e-mail along asking that locals avoid hiring The Garden Guy due to their bigoted business practices. The owners now claim that they've become "Crusaders For Christ - by accident."
(View Story)

2. "We Just Want Them To Remember Their Place": In a Georgia courthouse, a WWII memorial lists the names of citizens who gave their lives in that conflict. The memorial is divided into two lists, one for "Whites" and one for "Coloreds." A commission recommended that some missing names be added to the list and that the list be integrated into a single list of names, regardless of race. A judge has blocked the move saying that it is against the law to alter a memorial and that the integrated list should be added in addition to the segregated lists.
(View Story)

3. "Well, The Boy Ain't Been Drinking": Reno officers noticed a SUV weaving and unexpectedly stopping on a busy interstate. When the officers pulled the car over they found that the driver was a 7-year-old boy whose father was in the passenger seat, drunk. The man claimed that he was teaching the boy to drive because he was too drunk to get behind the wheel. The man was arrested and charged with child endangerment.
(View Story)

The drunk father is Boner of the Day.

Bathroom Humor
Kerry likes to use the downstairs bathroom because it's a one person bathroom with a locking door. He enjoys the privacy. So when he saw the door ajar with the light on he naturally thought that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. Someone was doing his business with the door open standing in front of the toilet. No one wants to see that.

Bill avoids that problem by using the management facilities upstairs, especially if he is going to leave something behind.

Officer Kerry Part 2?
Kurt Hale of Halestorm Films (Singles Ward, Baptists At Our Barbecue, Sons of Provo, etc.) sent Kerry a poster with a note on the back informing him that Mr. Hale is about to start production on Singles Ward II and that he wants the entire original cast back. As an incentive, Mr. Hale told Kerry to "name his price." Kerry isn't proud of his initial involvement in the first film, in fact he warned Bill and Gina off of their roles. Kerry suggested that he would do the film for the same fee he did before if Mr. Hale would allow Kerry to write his own character.

Studio 60 was picked up for the full season. Justice on Fox has hit the skids and was canceled. King of Queens is still on. William Shatner is hosting Show Me The Money, a trivia game show with hot girls. A documentary about Peter Ashdown called, Thin, will be airing on HBO. Dancing with the Stars is finally done. Mario Lopez is still straight. Reba is still on. Comic Relief is back with Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, and Whoopi for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Unforgettable Quote
"Nothing bad ever happens if you don't do anything." - Gina Barberi

CSI: Simmons Media
Richie was working an overnight shift on Friday night/Saturday morning. There is nobody else in the building at those hours. So when he heard glass shatter, he became a bit concerned. He walked out of the studio and saw that some guy had kicked a window in and was then attempting to crawl in. When Richie yelled, "Hey! What are you doing!?" the intruder replied, "Trying to get in." Richie then commanded that the man, "Get outta here!" to which the man replied, "Ok." and slowly backed out of the window and slowly walked down the street. Richie called the police, but they didn't seem to think that it was a big deal since the guy hadn't actually gotten in the building. Richie was pretty sure the guy was hopped up on "goofballs."

A similar thing happened to Gina at the KJQ studio in Ogden. The studio had a sliding window that wouldn't lock. Gina was working an overnight shift when some kid, at 4:30am, just opened the window and asked Gina for some stickers. Gina didn't give him any. Bill also had fond memories of the KJQ studio in Ogden. He reminisced about the time he went out to the parking lot to find his tires slashed to pieces. Good times.

Neglected News
Jack Palance died. K-Fed is peddling a sex-video of he and Britney on their honeymoon. He's expected to get $49 million out of the deal. Britney is worried that it will destroy her wholesome image as a trailer trash harpy. Tom and Kat are getting married by a Scientologist minister whilst eating nothing by pretzels and edamame. Denise Richards threw a laptop at Asses Hollywood with her potty mouth.

(Anonymous) on November 14th, 2006 05:53 pm (UTC)
Singles Ward
Does this mean Kerry will be working with Chunga again?
(Anonymous) on November 14th, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC)
Re: Singles Ward
We can only hope that "Skinny Cop" will ride again!!
(Anonymous) on November 14th, 2006 09:41 pm (UTC)
Did I miss something?
I was wondering what is going on with Kerry Bill and Gina. I heard that they can not do remotes for 1 year and something about the show won't be on for much longer. I am wondering if I am just catching the show at odd times or is what I am hearing true? Anyone care to comment?
(Anonymous) on November 15th, 2006 01:05 am (UTC)
You've missed quite a bit.
Apparently KSL got upset over the continually berating of Grant and Amanda that they filed suit. In order to avoid bad press Simmons Media settled out of court. From what I've been able to gather KBG are prohibited from doing any public appearances unless charity related (Road Home, Jiffy Lube), or previously under contract (Kerry at Training Table on Highland Drive on Friday from 11:00 to 1:00).

The show isn't cancelled, but apparently there will be an event which will make us all wish it had been. There's some provision in the settlement that states Grant and Amanda will be doing all the news segments on RFH for a period of three months. Kerry and Bill will not be allowed to comment on the news, but Gina will be allowed to add her opinion on each story. I'm not sure when it will start, but I think it's soon. This is what they are referring to when they talk about their "contracts being up", "being replaced", and "the end of the world."

Of course both Simmons and Bonneville representatives (including RFH, Ritchie, Ed Brass, etc.) will all deny this because of the "gag" restrictions of the settlement.

Hope that helps.
(Anonymous) on November 15th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
Re: You've missed quite a bit.
Atropos, is this true? Holy crap, I didn't know any of this! Damn!!
atroposrandomatroposrandom on November 15th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
Re: You've missed quite a bit.
As heard on the show this morning (11-15-2006), this is all bull-sock.

(Anonymous) on November 15th, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
Re: You've missed quite a bit.
Whatever the case, if Grant and Amanda have actually complained in anything close to a formal or official forum about the well-earned criticisms they receive, maybe quite a few of us ought to consider visiting the KSL site to let them know what big wussies (sp?) they are. This could be quite a bit of fun! ;)