Sign-off

• “If homosexuality is a disease, can I call into work 'gay'?”

• “Do elevators smell different to midgets?”

Enthusiasms
Last week, Bill was asked to read a couple of poems for Weber State's “Favorite Poems Project.” Bill read from James Dickey. Little Bill was invited too. Little Bill got up, introduced himself, and read A Pirates Song. As to the reason Little Bill chose that poem? Little Bill is a self-described “pirate enthusiast.”

Best of
Mick & Allen didn't win The Best Radio Show award this year. They just can't compete with the eager willingness of Kerry and Bill (not Gina; they never said anything about Gina) to orally gratify employees at The City Weekly. In addition, this situation likely explains Mick & Allen's inability to increase their paltry ratings versus Artie Fufkin's impromptu odes to kitties and gravy.

Boners
1. “I've Been Injured By A Bra”: A South Carolina woman is suing Victoria Secret for an injury she alleges was inflicted by her brassiere. Jessica Lang claims that she experienced a sudden pain in her breast while wearing the bra and, while removing it, the bra malfunctioned and caused a 3-inch-long laceration.

2. “Feeling Up The Bereaved”: Marlos Hernandez was arrested by Boulder, CO officials after crashing a memorial service, groping the breast of the deceased's sister, and showing pornographic pictures to the deceased's mother.

3. “I Love You Mickey! I Love You Mallory!” Bill is sorry for this candidate.

The funeral crasher is Boner of the Day.

Country Radio
While working at KJQ, Kerry took Bill on a road-trip to meet the manager of the Roosevelt, UT country station who fired Kerry. At the time, the radio station wasn't 24 hours. Each night they would play the national anthem and sign-off for a few hours. One night, Kerry decided to play a parody song that satirized the fact that many people do not remember the words to The National Anthem. His manager, Joe Evans, did not take kindly to Kerry's antics, and fired him. Apparently whenever you shook the hand of Mr. Evans, your hand smelled of cigarettes and High-Karate cologne.

You Don't Know Dick
The Groove Thang (currently known as “Heidi Ho”), Richie, and retired anchorman Dick Norse spoke to communication students at Southern Utah University. Mr. Norse believes that “Richie T.” is a much better moniker than “Dick.”

Neglected News
Dane Cook loves to laugh. Orpha has renamed Gayle King after her dead dog, “Sophie.”

Boner of the Week
Dave “The Flower Guy” Matson chose today's Boner as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
“She's not gonna drive down there.”