Episode #5145
Days until contract expiration: 366
Sign-off
Put one in Gina's "W" column! She snagged the closest possible parking space today! Gina rarely gets the cherished spot, but that doesn't keep her from trying every single day!
Two Ships Passing in the Night
Last night, Gina called to order pizza from Este Pizza. She called Este because she really loves their garlic knots. The clerk took her order but then informed her that it was going to be an hour and 15 minutes. Apparently they received an order from a man in Provo and their delivery driver agreed to drive as far south as 126th - which screwed up the timing on the rest of the deliveries. Did Gina cancel her order and call someone else? No. Gina was astonished! Don't they have pizza places in Provo? Bill was just as concerned; didn't they have other pizza places in Salt Lake that Gina could have called!? They do, but other restaurants don't have garlic knots.
Boners (brought to you by BBQ chicken pizza (made by Little Bill) and cheese pizza (made by Little Mrs. Bill))
1. "Losing is for Losers": The coach of a youth soccer team for six to seven-year-old girls has quit after a scathing letter angered team parents. Michael Kinahan encouraged players to eat "undercooked red-meat", to win at all costs, and . Mr. Minahan went on to say, "I believe that winning is fun and losing is for losers" and to be ready to play like a "Michael Vick pit bull."
2. "We Will Chop off Your Willy": Two day-care workers have been suspended after they allegedly held a knife to the penis of a 4-year-old boy and threatened to cut off the boy's "willy." The boy had been exposing himself and the employees sought to discourage the boy from doing it again. The boy's grandmother claimed that now the boy was trying to use knives at home to hurt himself.
3. "We Thought You'd Like This Remembrance of your Dear, Departed Husband": Police officers in the UK have apologized to a widow after they returned the blood stained yellow tow rope that her husband used to hang himself. The rope was placed into a sack with the man's other belongings and returned to his wife. The police officer is implementing steps to prevent future incidents.
The police giving back the suicide rope are Boners of the Day/
Our Son Kyle
Kerry and Bill forgot to call their son, Kyle, this morning at 7:00. Kyle got teary for a moment when he thought that Gina had said that they, "missed Kyle." Gina, of course, meant that that the show had missed their call to Kyle. Kyle was hurt. Why does Gina hate him? Gina does harbor some ill will towards Kyle. Bill hypothesied that it was because Kyle took attention away from Gina for five minutes every other week. Not so. Gina holds something else against Kyle. Neither he nor she would say, but Kyle is a homewrecker. That was a number of years ago! Kyle has changed. He's sorry he did it! He made a single mistake in his life! Gina has zero tolerance for Kyle's kind of behavior. She has been on the other side of that behavior and it's repugnant. Kyle has really changed. He's repentant. He's willing to take jiggly Gina on a bitchin' ATV ride. Well, Gina won't have any of that, but if he's really changed, Gina is willing to hug and forgive (but not forget).
Neglected News
Heather Locklear doesn't care for banana story lines. Prince Michael will be ruined just as Michael Jackson. Jumpym Tambermann and Brimney Spirts will guest star with Michael in London. Michael will be arriving by boat to each show and appear on top of an elephant. Zackeffron gave up the Footloose role after Linkio Destinkio warned him about type-casting.
Days until contract expiration: 366
Sign-off
- "You should commit the oldest sins in the newest kind of way."
- "Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it."
Put one in Gina's "W" column! She snagged the closest possible parking space today! Gina rarely gets the cherished spot, but that doesn't keep her from trying every single day!
Two Ships Passing in the Night
Last night, Gina called to order pizza from Este Pizza. She called Este because she really loves their garlic knots. The clerk took her order but then informed her that it was going to be an hour and 15 minutes. Apparently they received an order from a man in Provo and their delivery driver agreed to drive as far south as 126th - which screwed up the timing on the rest of the deliveries. Did Gina cancel her order and call someone else? No. Gina was astonished! Don't they have pizza places in Provo? Bill was just as concerned; didn't they have other pizza places in Salt Lake that Gina could have called!? They do, but other restaurants don't have garlic knots.
Boners (brought to you by BBQ chicken pizza (made by Little Bill) and cheese pizza (made by Little Mrs. Bill))
1. "Losing is for Losers": The coach of a youth soccer team for six to seven-year-old girls has quit after a scathing letter angered team parents. Michael Kinahan encouraged players to eat "undercooked red-meat", to win at all costs, and . Mr. Minahan went on to say, "I believe that winning is fun and losing is for losers" and to be ready to play like a "Michael Vick pit bull."
2. "We Will Chop off Your Willy": Two day-care workers have been suspended after they allegedly held a knife to the penis of a 4-year-old boy and threatened to cut off the boy's "willy." The boy had been exposing himself and the employees sought to discourage the boy from doing it again. The boy's grandmother claimed that now the boy was trying to use knives at home to hurt himself.
3. "We Thought You'd Like This Remembrance of your Dear, Departed Husband": Police officers in the UK have apologized to a widow after they returned the blood stained yellow tow rope that her husband used to hang himself. The rope was placed into a sack with the man's other belongings and returned to his wife. The police officer is implementing steps to prevent future incidents.
The police giving back the suicide rope are Boners of the Day/
Our Son Kyle
Kerry and Bill forgot to call their son, Kyle, this morning at 7:00. Kyle got teary for a moment when he thought that Gina had said that they, "missed Kyle." Gina, of course, meant that that the show had missed their call to Kyle. Kyle was hurt. Why does Gina hate him? Gina does harbor some ill will towards Kyle. Bill hypothesied that it was because Kyle took attention away from Gina for five minutes every other week. Not so. Gina holds something else against Kyle. Neither he nor she would say, but Kyle is a homewrecker. That was a number of years ago! Kyle has changed. He's sorry he did it! He made a single mistake in his life! Gina has zero tolerance for Kyle's kind of behavior. She has been on the other side of that behavior and it's repugnant. Kyle has really changed. He's repentant. He's willing to take jiggly Gina on a bitchin' ATV ride. Well, Gina won't have any of that, but if he's really changed, Gina is willing to hug and forgive (but not forget).
Neglected News
Heather Locklear doesn't care for banana story lines. Prince Michael will be ruined just as Michael Jackson. Jumpym Tambermann and Brimney Spirts will guest star with Michael in London. Michael will be arriving by boat to each show and appear on top of an elephant. Zackeffron gave up the Footloose role after Linkio Destinkio warned him about type-casting.
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