radiofromhell
01 December 2009 @ 12:39 pm
RFH - 2009-12-01  
Still Looking For a Woman!
Sysma, Radio From Hell's favorite alternative Italian rock-band with a 'S' in their name, wrote Gina another letter. Still trying to break into the American music market, Sysma has hired a new singer who apparently speaks English very fluently. It has ruined the band's sound. Kerry insists that she is just eye candy and that they should drop her immediately and continue looking for a more different woman. Gina was also disappointed that the new letter was not signed, "Stay care."

Boners (brought to you by a taco)
1. "This Coincidence Was No One's Fault, So You're Suspended": An electronic billboard in Alabama featured an advertisement for a local news program. The billboard featured the two anchors and the weatherman. The billboard also incorporated a live feed from the news station's Twitter account. Unfortunately someone posted, "Three accused of gang-rape in Monoreville," to the Twitter feed, which was picked up by the billboard. Passersby were able to snap photographs of the billboard, which seemed to some to indicate that the people on the billboard were so accused. Admitting that it was just a misunderstanding and coincidence, the station rationally suspended two employees for a week without pay.

2. "Y Fans. U Fans. You're All the Same." Pictures in today's Salt Lake Tribune and Deseret News show a BYU fan at the Saturday Game seeming to attack and grab the wife, as well as scare the daughter of University of Utah coach, Kyle Whittingham.

3. "I'm Calling For a Ban on Swiss Army Watches" The Government of Switzerland has unexpectedly banned the inclusion of minarets on Swiss buildings. Minarets are a piece of architecture typically found on Islamic mosques. The move is widely seen as an attempt by the far-right members of the Swiss government to crack down on the so-called "Islamisation" of Europe.

Fanatical football fans are Boners of the Day.

Bill Frost
Scrubs returns, without the stars. It's still mostly Scrubs. The liquor cabinet has been filled and the kitchen loaded with cast-iron pans for the return of The Bad Girls Club. Sons of Anarchy finales. It's a trashy show, but enjoyable. Henry Rollins will stare someone down. Steven Seagal is a Lawman, for reals. TruTV will show The Governator Jr., Jesse Ventura, in a new show called Conspiracy Theory which will get to the bottom of weather control, thermite paint (Author's note: Which is not explosive, but sounds impressive), and a host of other bat-sock. Jersey Shore shows the guidos and guidettes of New Jersey. If they don't like the stereotypes, they should change. Dollhouse starts to burn off their final episodes, two at a time. Monk is finally over. The Syphie channel has a new mini-series based on Alice in Wonderland. Watch Kathy Bates and Mr. O'Brien overact.

Best Question of the Week
"What TV show would you want to be trapped in for a month?" Kerry? Star Trek: The Original Series? No. Deep Space Nine of course! They have a bar, and holosuites, and Kerry can spend the month trying to get his quarters into Dax! Bill would like to be in Mad Men. He could take up smoking again and drink all day. Gina wouldn't mind being in Mad Men as long as that good looking Don Draper promised to cheat on his wife with her. Richie would really like to be on Glee, or maybe MASH, or, or, or.....better...After MASH.

8 Million Rules for Being a Gina
Gina lives her life by studies - as long as the studies back up her own preconceived notions of how the world should work. Gina has all kinds of weird rules. She won't eat anything home-cooked because there was an incident. She has a policy and she never breaks it, unless there is s'more pie - but fortunately Kerry and Bill were there to stop her. Gina doesn't care for carrot cake because it has vegetables in it. Dessert should never be made with vegetables, and rarely with fruit. Gina likes a chocolate cake, and even a white cake, as long as nobody put any of that damned raspberry jam inside of it. Jam is not for dessert; it's for toast. OH! OH! Do you know what Gina tried? Joe brought home some "Lemon Curd" and made Gina try it. He was pretty sure she wouldn't like it because it had "curd" in the name, but Gina really liked it! It was really good! Gina just thinks that they should change the name to "Lemon Spread", which was Bill's favorite vaudeville dancer. Nancy Grace apologizes for "the incident", but he really though they would enjoy the LSD and razor blade laced popcorn ball.

Gina's Sign-off
"Big fan of regulation."

Kerry's Status
Kerry was on the show today.


Episode #5308
Days until contract expiration: 121
Edition 1076 of Atropos' blog.
Day 63 in which Bill loves Mrs. Bill even more than he did the day before.

...and...

Only 344 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!
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radiofromhell
30 November 2009 @ 12:57 pm
RFH - 2009-11-30  
Opening Song
"Because I'm Awesome" - The Dollyrots

A Message from Com
Crom laughs at your silly pseudo war. Crom will watch when you arm the players with swords.

The Many Roles of Joe Jones
Gina's good looking husband, Joe, kindly asked his wife if she would mind watching the kids whilst he went up to watch the run-run tackle ball game at a bar in Ogden. Gina, knowing that she watches her children so infrequently, granted her good looking husband his request. As such, Gina left Joe at home in the morning so she could go out and do some Xmas shopping. When she returned, Joe was ready to go. He was wearing his red sweatshirt and had his liquor flask all loaded up. Before he left, however, he informed Gina that he had put together a dinner for her and left it in the fridge. All she had to do was heat it up. At that moment Gina realized that Joe was both the husband and the wife in their relationship; he was going to watch the game with the boys AND managed to prepare dinner for his spouse and the children. What doest that make Gina? The nanny.

What had Joe prepared for dinner? Left over ham with red potatoes. Gina likes the potatoes because you smash them, drizzle them with olive oil and salt, then fry them in the oven - just like French Fries. She did not, however, partake of any of the ham. Gina doesn't do left-overs. She doesn't trust them. It was good once, how could it possibly be good again?

Nobody's Perfect
This Thanksgiving Day, Richie accompanied the not-girlfriend to her family home in Lawrence, UT, directly west of The Middle of Nowhere. After a traditional meal, Richie fell asleep on the couch for a pre-pie nap. He was waked when the not-girlfriend introduced him to a good friend who had stopped by. Richie was groggy, but managed to make an acceptable impression. When the not-girlfriend was talking on the phone later, apparently she was told that Richie was "not bad" and that "nobody's perfect."

Boners
1. "The Kids are Safe": Two stories. First, on Thanksgiving Day, a young couple was arrested in a motel after they left their two children, 7-months, and Twenty-months, to sleep in a mini-van whilst they cavorted in the motel. The mini-van wasn't even just located in the motel parking lot, but left at a nearby fast-food restaurant. Second, Michale Monahan of Massachusetts was charged with reckless endangerment when he locked his two children in the truck of his sports car so that he could do some shopping. Mr. Monahan allegedly told officials that the kids enjoyed playing in the trunk.

2. "You've Got Beautiful Teeth": A Berkley woman traveling on a bus became disturbed when a man locked his gaze on her and told her how much he admired her teeth and how much he would like to have them. The nervous woman exited the bus at the next opportunity, but apparently was followed. The man apparently hit the woman, then knocked out her teeth and made off with them.

3. "Dancing is Forbidden": Hamas has begun cracking down on women engaging in activities they feel are un-Islamic. They have banned women from riding behind a man on a scooter, and banned girls from performing a traditional folk-dance at the opening of a Palestinian museum. Another woman was harassed by constables as she swam wearing pants and a blouse instead of the more traditional robes.

The neglectful parents are Boners of the Day.

Cheated Desserts
If all went according to plan, Gina, Joe, and the children were to spend Thanksgiving with The Sainted Mary Claire at the Motorhome Roundup in Zion's National Park. Unfortunately, Jonesie's appendectomy threw off the plan and Joe was forced to make an emergency Thanksgiving meal. He went out and got himself a last minute ham. What kind of ham? It was from The Whole Foods, so it was probably some kind of organic ham that was hugged to death. He also whipped up some stuffing, which perplexed Festus as a ham has nothing to stuff. Gina doesn't care for stuffing anyway - she doesn't trust it. She even has studies that prove that eating stuffing is dangerous. She has studies! The meal turned out really good, except for dessert. Gina should never have left it to Joe to provide the dessert. He brought home a pumpkin pie, a pecan pie, and a carrot cake. Gina won't eat a pumpkin pie, and the pecan pie looks edible from on top, but she doesn't know what that jelly like stuff is and she doesn't trust it. Instead, Gina had to raid her chocolate stash for any semblance of dessert.

Kerry's Status
Kerry was on the show today.


Episode #5307
Days until contract expiration: 122
Edition 1075 of Atropos' blog.
Day 62 in which Bill loves Mrs. Bill even more than he did the day before.

...and...

Only 345 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!
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radiofromhell
09 November 2009 @ 01:16 pm
RFH - 2009-11-09  
Episode #5294
Days until contract expiration: 143
Edition 1067 of Atropos' blog.
Day 41 in which Bill loves Mrs. Bill even more than he did the day before.

...and...

Only 1 shopping day left until Gina's Birthday!!!!!!

Opening Song
"Pressure Drop" - The Specials

Sign-offs
  • "Sometimes I just wanna put on a bunny suit and scream."
  • "Be quiet brain, or I'll stab you with a q-tip."

You're Talking to a Pretty Stupid Man
Just before the show went on, Richie asked Bill if he would want to be an assistant coach for a youth athletic sport along with Richie....  The silence of Bill's answer was deafening.  Richie was just thinking that Bill could do all the yelling and that one of those little turds would be sweet and melt Bill's cold dead heart. 

....And He's Large
Bill has an oversized package.  He has posted notice in his cubicle.

Ginger Brad Pitt
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahFacebookblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah
blahBidetblahblahblahblahblahblahGingerBradPittblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah
blahblahblahblahblahblahHappyBirthdayblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahMormonBoysblahblahblah
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahGotSomeActionblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahLostHisKeysblahblahblahblahblahblahblah
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahCouldn'tFindThemblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah


Boners (brought to you by a lousy hamburger)
1. "Who Needs the H1N1 Shot?":  Kellogg's is being sued for advertising "Now Helps Support Your Child's IMMUNITY" on every box of Cocoa Krispies, which is 40% sugar by weight.  The lawsuit claims that the intention is to mislead the public into believing that the cereal can prevent diseases, such as the H1N1 flu.

2. "Cowabunga!":  An insurance salesman visiting Puerto Rico fell to his death as his "surfed" on the hood of a moving car.  Jorge Geysel fell off of the vehicle, snapped his neck, and was instantly dead.

3. "Battlin' Beauty Babes":  British newspapers report that two beauty queens were involved in a pub fight that resulted in Rachael Cristie losing her Miss England crown and title.  The altercation allegedly began when Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones, received a racy text message from Ms. Christie's boyfriend and showed it to Cristie.  Witnesses say that Cristie punched Jones several times in the face during an "adult" themed costume night.

The battlin' beauty babes are Boners of the Day.

Bill Frost
Dennis Franz gave up on Trauma.  It's been canceled.  Dennis Franz will now be watching Southland on TNT.  The Parent's Television Council is up in arms about the threeway sex scene on Gossip Girl featuring Dennis Franz.  Dennis Franz once played Buntz, but that's another show.  Ghost Hunters Academy will teach people who not to spot the ghost of Dennis Farina, who is often mistaken for Dennis Franz.  Secret Girlfriend is a terrible show, but it does feature hot girls without the benefit of Dennis Franz and his spotted, naked ass.  January Jones will be co-hosting Saturday Night Live with Dennis Franz.  Surprisingly, Ogden actually has two clubs in which you can hear the music of Dennis Franz and Spork; Brewskies and Kamikaze's.  The Prisoner is a new mini-series staring Ian McKellan, Jesus Cavizel, and Dennis Franz.  Super Dave Osbourne lost his beautiful speaking voice after seeing a very special episode of NYPD Blue starring Dennis Franz.

(Author's note: How'd I do Mr. Frost?)

Tricksie
Joe tricked Gina into eating something.  No, not cheese.  Joe has given up on trying to change Gina's hatred of the curd.  No, he tricked her into eating cauliflower.  He told her that he was making garlic mashed potatoes, which Gina loves, but then encouraged her to take the kids for a walk.  When Gina and the children returned, her plate was set with chicken, buttery leeks and the "mashed potatoes."  Joe, however, didn't count on Gina's cunning sense of taste! She took one bite and said, "Those aren't mashed potatoes!"  Hopefully, Joe has learned his lesson.

Your Innuendo is Priceless
This past weekend, Kerry though it would be funny to buy some Twinkies and Sno Balls for the Geekshow panel, as an homage to Zombieland.  Kerry could not, however, find any Sno Balls.  Nobody is selling them.  Bill wondered if maybe Little Debbie had a knockoff version?  Maybe "Little Debbie's Snow Mounds?"  "Little Debbie's Coconut Bumps?"  "Little Debbie's Itty Bitty Coconut Committee?"

Gina's Sign-off
"Those aren't mashed potatoes!"

Kerry's Status
Kerry was on the show today.
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radiofromhell
14 October 2009 @ 01:03 pm
RFH - 2009-10-14  
Episode #5276
Days until contract expiration: 169
Edition 1049 of Atropos' blog.
Day 15 in which Bill loves Mrs. Bill even more than he did the day before.

...and...

Only 27 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!

Sign-offs
  • "I have no choice but to sell you all for medical experiments."
  • "Liberals can understand everything except people who don't understand them."

That's Alright Then
When Aaron Swenson was tapped to read Bill's teenage-angsty poetry, Bill was not pleased.  He was embarrassed and did not want to do it.  Mr. Swenson, however, did an amazing job and now famed Utah Musician David Evanoff wants to set one or more of the poems to music.  Bill couldn't be more pleased if Kurt Bestor himself added one of the poems to the Xmas show.  Gina is just hoping that Mr. Evanoff selects "The Frogman" poem.

Boners
1. "Zero Tolerance":  After bringing his favorite camping utensil, a folding fork, spoon, and knife set, to school in order to eat his lunch, first grader Zachary Christie was suspended for 45 days under a "zero tolerance" policy.  School officials claimed that they had "no choice" int he matter.  Fortunately the school board reversed their decision after a hearing.

2. "Maria, You're Making Me Look Bad"  Celebrity website TMZ allegedly has photographs of Maria Shriver, wife of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, driving whilst holding a cell phone to her ear.  Last year the governor supported and signed into law a ban on using cellular phones whilst driving.

3. "Mamma Needs a Drinky-Poo":  A woman has been banned from seeing her children without supervision after she allegedly abandoned her 5-year-old, 2-year-old, and 7-month old offspring in order to go drinking.  Meghan Saenz put her children to bed then left for the grocery store where she bought beer.  The woman did not return until the next morning.  When Ms. Saenz mother came by later in the evening, she found the children alone and called police, hoping to spur her daughter's recovery.

The child abandoning drinker is Boner of the Day.

How Am I?
After being goaded into doing jumping jacks by Gina's complete lack of form, Bill hurt his knee.  He further injured it on Saturday when he was running to his car and heard something snap.  Since then, he's been hobbling about.  Unfortunately, he couldn't get in to see the good-looking Dr. Toronto, so Bill had to go see Dr. Betteridge instead.  Based on Dr. Betteridge's ability to see him on short notice, Bill hypothesized that he must not be as attractive as Dr. Toronto.  Not so.  Bill's new doctor is a fine looking man and gives an excellent and pain-free shot.

Celebrity, Smelebrity
Gina isn't famous...well, not famous enough for Hires.  Though she retrieves her feedsack from Hires several times a week, the staff of Hires didn't feel she deserved mention in then newspaper when they were asked about the famous people who had dined there.  In fact, she was snubbed not once, but twice; The Salt Lake Tribune and The Deseret News.  Hires doesn't even advertise, but Gina has mentioned them on many occasions.  From now on, Gina will just have to go out of her way to support X96 sponsors and advertisers....Not so.  Richie has a solution.  The Richie T. Bag Lunch!  Meat and bread served in a wrinkled sack...just the way Gina likes it.

Things That Must Go
Offering congratulations to someone for getting called on a mission.  The congrats should be saved until they return.  People in the student section of a football game who complain because all of the students stand up for the whole game.  People who believe that the referees are just out to get the team.  Co-workers who come into the break room, interrupt lunch, and ask, "Are we having fun yet?"  People who traipse.  Megan Fox.  Paramour.  Nickleback.  People on the red-eye flight that read.  People who don't have their own picture on FaceBook.  "VIN number."  "PIN number."  "ATM machine."  People who bring dishes to work and re-use them day after day without washing them - including coffee mugs.  The "dead-lady" perfume.  Patchouli scents on young girls.  Patchouli should be reserved for women of age who are offering free-love.  People who make U-turns at the Trax intersections.  The mother-hugger at the Costco who drives a gold BMW who can't waddle his fat ass over to put his cart away.  Bill and Kerry throwing it over to Gina at the "sports desk" or "weather center."

More Hate
Carolyn agrees with Chet.  The show is like nails on a chalkboard, especially Gina.  Oh, how doe does despise Gina.  Carolyn is a single mother and doesn't listen to the radio, but if she did, she wouldn't listen to Radio From Hell.  Aren't radio folk supposed to have soothing voices and talk about things that matter.  What matters to Carolyn?  Entertaining things!  Things that matter!  The things that matter are things that are entertaining.  Duh!  Chicken pot pies and meatballs are not things that matter and are not entertaining.  Radio From Hell had better clean up their act and be entertaining and mattering or they might just lose another listener!

Kerry's Status
Kerry was on the show today.

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radiofromhell
07 October 2009 @ 10:08 am
RFH - 2009-10-07  

Episode #5271
Days until contract expiration: 176
Edition 1044 of Atropos' blog.

Day 8 in which Bill loves Mrs. Bill even more than he did the day before.

...and...

Only 34 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!

Sign-offs

  • "On the other hand – you have different fingers."
  • "Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining."

Dictionary Word of the Day
Kerry gets an e-mail every day that includes a highlighted word from the dictionary. Today’s word is one he believes should be resurrected in all its glory: “foofaraw – excessive or flashy ornamentation or decoration; or a fuss over a matter of little importance.” Use it in a sentence: The Radio From Hell’s “Things That Must Go” segment is just a bit of foofaraw.

Boners
1. "I’m Jason Chaffetz and I’m here to stop the queers!":  Utah representative Jason Chaffetz says the democrats in congress are afraid to overturn a possible same-sex marriage bill in Washington D.C. He believes they should, but complains because the Republicans are “outnumbered.”

2. "I learned this parenting technique from Mary Claire":  An Iowa man allegedly chained his son’s ankle to the bumper of a Camaro to prevent him from running away. When questioned, the boy said he was trying to run away because his father routinely beats him.


3. "WHEEEEEE!":  An Alabama woman has been arrested for making her daughter ride in a cardboard box on the top of her minivan. The woman stated that she needed to get the box home but it was too big to fit in the car, so her daughter was weighing it down. The girl is unharmed and the mom is out on bond.

The woman in desperate need of a box is Boner of the Day.


Bacon and Peeps
Gina loves bacon so much. She tries to do good with her habits and weight-loss aspirations, but then she’s reminded of bacon. On a similar note, Kerry discovered that Peeps are released for Halloween as well, including ghosties, jack o’ lanterns, and chocolate mousse-flavored cats. Although any type of Peep that Bill has eaten tastes the same, Gina tried the cats and specifically tasted chocolate. She hurried to serve the cat its demise before her trainer showed up.

It’s a Most Wonderful Day for Pie!
November is national pie month. Since fall feels like pie weather, Bill is requesting that anyone bring him a pie. His favorite kind of pie is free pie. Gina sampled a wonderful banana cream pie when she was in Chicago; Food Network award-winning! All three reminisce and are remorseful that they have not scheduled another pie contest for this year.

Things That Must Go
Gina

  • No free checked baggage whilst traveling. Not even one?
  • People dripping with sweat leaving hotel gyms.
  • Cinnabuns. They’re never cooked thoroughly.


Bill

  • Editorials about things that don’t matter or no one would be against. KSL is lame, but they’re so “daring”!
  • Too much information about Megan Fox. No one needs to know when she reached womanhood and started intimately and autonomously exploring it.
  • The term “biotch”.
  • When listeners send in “Things That Must Go” that criticize the show, but leave out one or more of the Radio From Hell correspondents.


Kerry
 

  • Restaurants that refuse to sit you until the whole party is present. There were plenty of extra tables and the establishment doesn’t even take reservations.
  • Toys R Us registers. Only one register was open, which happened to be the “Returns” register.
  • Toilet papering houses.
  • Listeners who keep sending the old Batman comic with the Joker’s boner storyline.
  • Bringing people back from the dead. They’ll always get ya!

Unforgettable Quote

“I don’t want your sweat on me!” – Gina Barberi

Gina's Sign-off
“I shoulda had bacon!”

Kerry's Status
Kerry was on the show today.

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radiofromhell
24 September 2009 @ 01:12 pm
RFH - 2009-09-24  
RFH - 2009-09-24

Episode #5262
Days until contract expiration: 189
Edition 1035 of Atropos' blog.

...and...

Only 47 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!

Sign-off
Retraining orders are just another way of saying, "I love you."

McDowell's
Ten Cities in Ten Days continues in Tooele at the Dairy Delight restaurant.  It's a burger joint that used to be a Dairy Queen.  The new owner didn't want to continue the franchise, so they renamed it to Dairy Delight.  The Dairy Delight is the home of the Old Fashioned Burger, which is a half-pound burger the size of a baby's head.  Though they were making up delicious breakfast burritos just for Radio From Hell, Gina would have none of it.  Gina won't eat anything that comes out of a chicken's butt.  She'll eat a chicken's butt, but nothing that exits through it.  Instead, she'll be having the finger steaks!  Finger steaks!  Finger steaks!  Finger steaks!

Dream Date
After the "Anni-Brew-sary" last night, Richie and Gina had a date.  Richie was so excited, he nearly had an accident before the date even began!  Because Joe was home with the kids, Richie asked if Gina wanted to go out for a steak.  So Richie and Gina took out Joe's friend, Pete, for Gina's pepper-steak.  The extremely-Irish Katie from High West distillers tagged along, but they lost her at the bar.

Once again, however, Gina was miffed by the response that the pepper-steak elicited from Richie.  Richie thought it was good, but not great.  It was too peppery.


Boners
1. "We Call It Pop!"  Swedish parents are keeping their baby's sex a secret.  Only those few who have changed the baby's diaper know the sex of the baby.  They want to raise their baby in a gender neutral way.

2. "Yeah, I Shot At 'Em.  I Was Drunk":  Terri Gray thought she was in Arizona when she shot her .38 caliber revolver towards a passing car.  When police pulled her over, she surprisingly failed the field sobriety tests.  Officers then searched her car and found the handgun with a spent casing in the chamber.  Ms. Gray plead guilty to two counts of attempted manslaughter and one count of DUI.  There was no reports of where Ms. Gray's thumb was located during the incident.

3. "Let's Fix the Road When Traffic is Busiest":  Road construction crews in Lehi picked the afternoon rush hour as the best time to repave a busy intersection.  The incident caused one commuter to spend more than an hour in traffic in order to travel two miles.

The road construction and their poor planning are Boners of the Day.

Unforgettable Quote
"I'd much rather look at Ron Pearlman's ass than his face." - Bill Allred

Filthy
Bill finds himself oddly fascinated with the TV show, Sons of Anarchy.  It's the filthiest show that Bill has ever seen on basic cable.  Scenes of servicing, porn stars, and orgies fill the show.  In the first episode of the season, Katy Segal's character is gang-raped.  The language is even worse than Rescue Me.  There is no single redeeming character in the entire cast.

Jeff Vice
Surrogates was not screened.  Don't see it.  The word of mouth is positively toxic.  Read the comic book instead.

White on Rice is not pleasant.  It's a less pleasant version of Napoleon Dynamite. 
Salt Lake City Film Festival


Big Fan stars Patton Oswalt is a serious role.  He plays a fanatic supporter of The New York Giants who still lives with his mother and drives up to Giants Stadium on each game day to listen to the game on his radio whilst in the parking lot.  He and his friend follows their favorite player into a strip club, where the player proceeds to beat him up.  Really good.  Excellent ending.  3 stars.

Fame.  "This movie goes on forever."  It's better than the 1980 movie.  That's about the only good thing to say about it.  It has no sense of humor about itself.  All of the stereotypes are there; the shy actor, the angry African-American, and the flamboyantly gay dancer. 2 stars

It Might Get Loud.  Jimmy Page is the dignified older gentleman.  The Edge is boring.  Not quite enough jamming, but still excellently done.
3 stars

Gina's Sign-off
"I gotta get gas."



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radiofromhell
08 September 2009 @ 08:33 pm
RFH - 2009-09-08  
Episode #5250
Days until contract expiration: 205
Edition 1024 of Atropos' blog.

Sign-off
"Life is one cup of coffee after another, and don't look for anything else."

Boners
1. "I'm Hungry.  I'm Hungry":  A man in Florida was arrested after calling 911 twice and asking for a ride because he was really hungry.  Police initially found the man sitting on a sidewalk.  When he asked them for a ride to the park, and informed them that he was really hungry, they refused to assist him.  The man then called emergency services, and was arrested for calling 911 without cause.

2. "Coaching by Immersion":  Coach Scott Mooney of Breckinridge High School in Louisville, KY thought it would be appropriate to take his team on a field trip to his church where they would listen to a motivational speech and receive a free steak dinner.  Permission slips were not sent out to parents.  During their visit, at least eight of the players were baptized into the Franklin Crossroads Baptist Church.  The superintendent, who is also a member of the church's and was witness to the baptisms, said the the trip was proper because it wasn't required and the gas was paid for by another volunteer.

3. "If You're Keeping Your Kid Home From School Today, You May Be a Boner":  If you were one of the parents who kept your children home from school today because President Obama was to deliver a speech about the importance of working hard and staying in school, you may be a Boner.

The absurdly anti-Obama parents are Boners of the Day.


A Message From Crom
"Crom never tries to drown his followers!  He baptizes them in their own blood!"

Quick Summary
Bill was the most imature person at Dylan's maturation class.  He commented that the apple juice looked like urine samples, and got into a fight with the teacher about boys being the only sexual aggressors.  Make sure you're clean down there.  Bill had the foresight to imbue Gina's copy of Salt Lake Magazine with his soul so that he could see her naked as she sat on the toilet and waited for her historical shower to heat up.  Bill felt that Gina's training sessions weren't doing her any good.  Li'l Mohamed is a little monster.  The four hours Gina spent holding him during a bowling birthday party in Ogden was a nightmare.  Still, Gina won't use a leash because it makes her look like a bad parent.  Kerry suggested that Gina try drugging the boy instead.  That's an invisible solution.  Gina ate cream cheese...Gina doesn't think it was cheese.  It was cheese.

Gina's Sign-off
"There's no cheese in that."

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radiofromhell
24 August 2009 @ 08:06 pm
RFH - 2009-08-24  
Happy Birthday Joe!


Episode #5240
Days until contract expiration: 220

Opening Song
"This is Our Place" - Scenic Byway (they're upbeat, and they smoke - and it's a free download)

Sign-offs
  • Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
  • There's no need for you to throw your love-spuds on the barbeque.
Boners
1. "Damn Dirty Dolphins":  A woman is suing a Chicago zoo claiming that the zoo trainers encouraged dolphins to splash water on zoo visitors and failed to take any action to protect patrons from the wet surfaces.  The woman claims that she was injured when she slipped and fell during a visit to The Brookfield Zoo.

2. "That...That's Not Dad":  A Philadelphia funeral for Kenneth Roberts was ruined when the family had the audacity to point out that the funeral home had brought the wrong body.

3.  "Hey!  Where'd Your Tattoo Go?"  A Milford police officer in New Jersey has been charged with sexual assault and criminal impersonation for pretending to be his twin brother in order to sleep with his brother's girlfriend.  The woman noticed the problem when her attacker was missing a cowboy tattoo on his buttocks.  The woman protested, but the police officer placed a pillow over her face and continued.  The woman went to an Emergency Room the next day to report the attack, at which time the officer was arrested.

The tattoo-less rapist is Boner of the Day.

Bill Frost
Nurse Jackie is over.  Michael & Michael is over.  Penn & Teller: Bullshit takes on The Vatican and Bill Donohue is pissed.  Being Human is funny and entertaining, even though the werewolf is a weenus. 

Fall Preview
Flash Forward is a BBC program in which the entire population of the world blacks out and has a vision of their future.  The Middle is a nice comedy with no laugh track - with the Janitor from Scrubs.  Modern Families is a mockumentary starring Al Bundy (Ed O'Neil).  The reimagining of V starts in November.  Cougartown is mildly funny and stars Courtney Cox.  Eastwick is a turd.  The Forgotten is another crime unit show with Christian Slater.  Slater is withouth a trace of a cold case.  Hank is a fish out of water crappy sit-com with a laugh track.  NCIS: Los Angeles had a bad idea with Chris O'Donnell.  Accidentally on Purpose has Jenna Elfman being cute and quicky....yawn.  Community with Joel McHale is pretty funny, but does co-star the enemy of comedy, Chevy Chase. Cleveland may be funny, or may not.  Too early to tell.

You Ruined the Birthday
Last night, Joe and Gina went out to celebrate Joe's birthday.  They went to some restaurant named Pronto, or Pacifico, or Ponyo, or Prego, or Pago, or something weird.  Gina ate heirloom tomatoes!  She also had overcooked chicken, breaded in panko, and covered in some sauce - after pushing aside the edible flowers and some yellow squashy thing.

Later, they went to The Pretenders concert.  It was a pretty good concert until Chrissie Hynde decided to start hollerin' about PETA and her protest at Mac Donald's. 


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radiofromhell
21 August 2009 @ 05:59 pm
RFH - 2009-8-21  
Episode #5239
Days until contract expiration: 223
Day 1 of Gina's last walk.

Sign-off
  • God has a sense of humor.  Don't believe me?  Just go to Wal-mart and look at people.

Morning Has Broken
The early hours of Friday begin darkly at Snowbird.  Bill was noting that fall was approaching now that he could see Orion in the sky.  Gina didn't notice the stars.  She had to keep her head down to watch the path so that she didn't fall down.

Boners
1. "Stuff Your Dog......License":  A Bakersfield woman who purchased a stuffed watchdog was targeted by Kern County Animal Control for failing to license her dog.  Officials noticed the dog in the window had no tags and sent repeated warnings that the 83-year-old woman would be fined $200 unless she purchase a license for her "dog."

(actual photo)

2. "Gimme That Ball":  A 23-year-old Waco, TX woman was charged with injury to a child after she allegedly hit a 13-year-old boy in a wheelchair.  Police reports claim that the woman swung at the boy, who was wearing a pre-surgical medical halo, during an altercation over a soccer ball.  The woman denies any wrong doing.

3. "I'll Teach You to Chatter Out of Turn"  Steven Kimball of Riverton, UT was arrested and charged with child abuse after he, allegedly, placed duct tape over the mouth of his 12-year-old wheelchair bound autistic stepson and then ripped the tape off.  Kimball admitted to placing the tape over the boys mouth and then ripping it off in order to cause pain to the boy.  Mr. Kimball then set to removing the tape residue with a rag, which left a large abrasion.  Mr. Kimball claims that he was irritated that the boy would not stop "chattering."

Steven Kimball is Boner of the Day.

Unforgettable Quote
"I can't do anything straight." - Richard T. Steadman

The Barberi Army
The Jones family has a system when they go out to dinner.  First, Joe goes in and gets a table.  Then he orders for everybody before calling Gina and telling her when the food will arrive.  That way, the children arrive just in time to eat and have no time to wreak havoc upon the restaurant.  Unfortunately, Joe still can't be trusted with Gina's food.  It arrived with cheese on it.  Gina can't just scrape it off, because it might leave some cheese residue.  Kerry and Sue noted that Jonesie was fairly well trained, but Li'l "Monster" Mohamed was a terror.  Gina claims it's because he's mobile, but he can't reason yet.  Bill suggested that Li'l Mohamed try reasoning with the back of Gina's hand.  There's no arguing with that.

Boner of the Week
Dave "The Bald Guy From Snowbird" Fields chose today's Boner as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
"I rode the tram!"

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radiofromhell
19 August 2009 @ 06:39 pm
RFH - 2009-08-19  
Episode #5237
Days until contract expiration: 225
Day 1 of Gina's most latest walking streak.

Sign-offs
  • How come all my brilliant ideas happen when I'm sleeping?
  • A friend will stop you from overreacting. A BEST friend will trot beside you giggling "someone's gonna get it!"

Richie's Bane
Richie started his paid job at X96 as a call screener for Radio From Hell.  Unfortunately, he's being too thorough for Bill's taste.  Bill would prefer that Richie go ahead and leave them on the line regardless; just send a message explaining what the call is about.  Then Kerry, Bill, or Gina can decide whether or not to go to the calls.  There should always be somebody on the phone with which Bill can talk.  Of course, he shouldn't send in any bad calls either.  Damnit Richie!  Just do the job better!

Another Letter
Kerry received another letter from Hugh Hefner.  Apparently Mr. Hefner is concerned that a fine, upstanding man like Kerry, who has a taste for the finer things in life, has let his subscription lapse.  Mr. Hefner, like Kerry, is a busy man and understands that some things like a magazine subscription can slip through the cracks.  Kerry has been disappointed with the quality of the magazine in recent years.  He tried to re-up for a while, but it hadn't gotten any better.  There are other magazines for men that have much better articles.

Boners (brought to you by a lunch buffet)
1. "Oh!  You Wanted Them Teeth!?"  A jury has awarded a South Carolina woman $2 million in damages from a dental clinic that extracted 13 of the woman's upper teeth by "accident."  The woman had gone to the dentist to have a cracked tooth repaired.  The dentist recommended that they extract the cracked tooth as well as two additional teeth.  Instead, another dentist mistakenly pulled all of the woman's upper-teeth, then altered her dental records to cover up the mistake.

2. "I Was Making a Memory":  A Baltimore County state delegate has apologized to police leadership after he enlisted officers to stage a fake raid on a boat as part of a stunt to propose to his girlfriend.  Jon S. Cardin had the officers board the boat, as a helicopter hovered nearby, and find a box that contained the engagement ring. 

3. "Have a Seat, Coke Butt":  Customs officers in Barcelona noted an elderly German man who appeared to have a very bulky rear end and was waling strangely.  When the man boarded an airplane, the crew noticed that the man appeared to be sitting on eggshells.  When searched, officers found that the man was wearing specially designed neoprene shorts under his pants that had 160 pockets, filled with a total of 13 lbs. of cocaine.
The cocaine smuggling pensioner is Boner of the Day


The elderly coke-smuggler is Boner of the Day.

"You Treat Your Food Like a Scab"
Yesterday, Kerry, Bill, Gina and their boss went to lunch to discuss their contract.  They went to a fancy lunch buffet at a local hotel.  Gina started at the salad bar.  She put in a little bit of romaine lettuce, because they didn't have iceberg, and a heaping pile of bacon.  She then reached for the vinaigrette and poured a big ladle of it all over her salad.  "Eeeeewwwwww!"  Bill and Kerry immediately ran to her side!  What was the matter!  It was caesar dressing.  Real caesar dressing with anchovies in it!  Did Gina scrape off her salad into the nearest potted plant?  No.  Gina, the little trooper, took it back to her table and poked at it with her fork until the waitress came and took it away.

Besides the salad bar, the buffet featured some wonderful puff pastry bowls and chicken a la king to place inside the bowl.  Gina, being frightened of the indeterminate ingredients in the chicken a la king chose, instead, to place a slice of pot roast in her pastry bowl.

Do You Even Watch The Show?
After reporting about Rep. Barney Frank's latest confrontation with the uninformed "death-panel" anti-socialists (who are apparently unaware that Hitler was primarily a facist, not a socialist), Amanda Dickson on KSL wondered where those people were getting all of that disinformation.  Gina thought that Amanda should try listening to her own radio station as Sean Hannity dishes out plenty of those health-care falsehoods.

Things That Must Go
Gina's lack of taste.  Stupid, unanswerable questions.  Random people stopping and talking to you whilst you are shopping.  Transporting a dozen balloons in a car.  Answering the phone, "This is here."  People who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're."  "The exception proves the rule."  Couples that share a FaceBook account.  Momzillas who say things like, "Cost is not a problem."  Rude wedding guests.  Wedding guests that bring a stack of paper plates as a gift labeled, "Country china."  Wedding gluttons.  "Dads and grads."  Not telling the gas station clerk that you vomited in the bathroom.  Diet Coke jokes.  People who interrupt a conversation saying, "This will just take a second."  "I'm just sayin'..."  Referring to a woman you have know for some time as "The girl with the big boobs."  Making excuses to ride the elevator for one floor.  Going into a parts store without the model number.  "If you have to push that hard, it ain't ready yet."

Cough.  Cough.
Yesterday, Richie visited the doctor for a physical.  Richie's doctor is very aware of the show and really wanted to do somethign to make a good story for the radio.  Unfortunately, it was just a physical, so there wasn't a lot of interesting goings-on.  The doctor instead tried searching through his doctor's joke-book for a good joke.  He failed.

A Message From Crom
In Crom's lodge there is no Supreme Court, only the justice that comes from the point of a sword.

Gina's Sign-off
"My killer butt."

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radiofromhell
22 July 2009 @ 09:19 pm
RFH - 2009-07-22  
Episode #5218
Days until contract expiration: 254
Day 16 of Gina's Morning Meander

Opening Song

"Still Wasted (From The Party Last Night)" - Liam Lynch


Sign-off
  • "There are only two four-letter words that offend men, "Don't" and "Stop", unless they are used together."

You Treat Your Food Like a Scab
Last night was Radio From Hell's latest tequila pairing.  Bill though that the food was the best they had ever had at a tequila pairing.  Gina actually tried to eat the food this time, instead of just having a plate of bland fried chicken.  The experiment did not go well.  Kerry had to goad her into trying the crab taco.  She finally took a single bite, then placed it right back down on her plate.  Next?  The gazpacho.  Gina actually ate it!  Of course, she didn't eat the best part of the gazpacho - the delicious pile of ceviche piled in the center.  The main course was a magnificent beef tenderloin, grilled to rare perfection.  Nope.  Gina wouldn't eat that at all.  She piled it into a foam container and took it hope to Joe.  As a result, she was really hungry this morning and enjoyed her luke-warm bowl of watery gruel.

Mmmm.....Brisk!
The inventor of Bill's utilikilt was coming into the studio today, so he decided to wear the aforementioned article of clothing to work.  As he went out to get on his bike, he suddenly realized that underpants might be a good idea.  Normally, Bill doesn't wear anything under his utilikilt.  It's negates the positive air-conditioning effects of wearing a kilt.  As such, Bill decided to remove his underpants right there in the studio - RIGHT IN FRONT OF GINA!  Gina wondered if Bill wanted her to see his.....parts.  Bill claims that he doesn't really want anyone to see him naked.  According to Kerry, that's a damned lie; Bill has always tried to get Kerry to see him naked.  Especially that time in the hotel when the elevator doors opened right in front of Kerry and a naked Bill asked, "Going up!?"

Boners (brought to you by tequila)
1. "Biking in the Nude" or "Naked on a Bicycle" or "Naked Biking":  A man in Minneapolis cited for indecent exposure claimed that he was simply training for a bicycle race in which the participants would have to ride whilst unclothed.  The man was wearing an article of clothing with the crotch strategically removed.

2. "Wear a Condom":  A mother in poland is claiming that her 13-year-old daughter was not impregnated by standard methods, but was instead attacked by stray sperm in the pool of an Egyptian hotel.  The mother is adamant that her daughter, "did not meet any boys," whilst at the hotel.

3. "Waaah, Waaah, Waaah":  Gummy actress and famous Mormon Katherine Heigel is complaining about a 17-hour shooting day for Grey's anatomy in hopes that embarrasses the TV Series directors and producers.

The polish mother in denial is Boner of the Day.

Unforgettable Quote
"I wanna stick I can put my hand on." - Gina Barberi

Gina's Morning Meander
On the way to the beginning of Gina's Morning Meander, Gina got to drive Chickenscratch Intern's truck, which has a manual transmission.  She even managed to stop it on a hill and take off again.  See!  She can do it!

A Dream Fulfilled
Richie fulfilled one of Bill's life-long dreams; he found a dead body.  Richie had just been for some delicous Costa Rican food and was headed to "Margie's" - a famous mom and pop ice-cream shop.  He saw the gentleman, whom he initially good for a homeless person sleeping in the street.  Hel looked, however, a trifle unwell.  Richie commented to his friend Steve that he thought something was wrong.  The man was laying face-down on the asphalt like Marty McFly from Back to the Future.  Richie went over and nudged the man with his foot.  He didn't move.  Someone called an ambulance and they came and collected the corpse.  They really didn't ask many questions and simply took the body away.

Your List of Things That Must Go
Parents who bring children to inappropriate things; newborns at Jazz games, rated-R movies, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  People with lousy $2,000 cars that advertise, "If you didn't make $15,000 last month, Call me!"  The office jerk.  Sand volleyball courts that eat wedding rings.  Flogging Molly joining The Warped Tour after it passes your home town.  People who use FaceBook to spout their political or religious rhetoric.  Complaining that your kid would never buy a ring tone, when your bill says otherwise.  People who just throw money on the counter.  People who mispronounce "generic" or "perscription."  The repetative store soundtrack.  People who think that women who work on their own car and like sports are lesbians.  Shells that are too long for the truck bed.  "What happens in Vegas..."  People who take food or drinks into the restroom after the movie.  People who have spit stringing between their upper and lower lip whilst talking.  Websites that don't put the cursor where it should be.  Spelling "double" as "dubble."  The wind.  Hip-hop artists that steal 80's music.  "Kayden."  Men who beg for naked cell phone pics - even if their going to Iraq.


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radiofromhell
19 June 2009 @ 12:45 pm
RFH - 2009-06-19  
Episode #5200
Days until contract expiration: 286

Opening Song
"Free Time" - The Aggrolites

Sign-offs
"Who are you kidding?  Most eunuchs have more balls than you."

Dinner with La Barberi
Last night, at Snowbird, Richie T. was invited to dine with Gina Barberi.  Richie assumed that this would be special time between he and Gina.  Not so.  When he arrived, Gina was sitting at a table by herself.  She had already ordered chicken fingers and a quesadilla - for the children.  Joe, Jonesie, and Li'l Mohamed arrived shortly thereafter.  Unfortunately the two little millstones around Gina's neck really dampened any chance that Richie had to talk with Gina.  She continuously had to get up and take the kids for a walk so they wouldn't get too restless at the table.  Instead, Richie spent a lot of time talking with Joe and came to the conclusion that Joe is really smart.  Kerry pointed out that he couldn't be that smart; he married Gina.

Boners
1. "My Bologna Has A First Name, It's 'Punch You In The Mouth.'"  An Ohio man reported that a thief had stolen his bologna and cheese sandwich after punching the man in the mouth.  The man was sitting on a bus station and dressing his sandwich with mayonnaise.  The thief walked up to him, punched him in the face, and walked off with the sandwich.

2. "I'm in a McHuggin' Hurry":  A Denver police officer has been suspended after brandishing his service pistol at employees of a McDonald's when his order took too long to fill.  When the order was eventually filled, the officer and his companion drove off with out paying.

3. "What Can I Tell You?  The Baby Was Drivin'":  Investigating a hit-and-run accident, police questioned the owner of the offending car who told them that his son usually drove the car, but was not home.  The owner promised to have the son contact them when he returned home.  Police also questioned a neighbor who told police that the owner of the car did have a son; and infant son.

The McCop is Boner of the Day.

Important Differences
Gina had to stop eating her Snowbird pancakes mid bite.  She discovered, much to her horror, that they were banana pancakes.  "Bleh."  Mrs. Bill doesn't like bananas either, but there is an important difference between Gina and Mrs. Bill.  First of all, Bill has sex with Mrs. Bill.  Second, though Mrs. Bill doesn't like bananas, she still eats a wide variety of food, including fruits and vegetables. 

Unforgettable Quote
"I can wait until we get to the bacon station." - Gina

Take Time
Gina can't say no.  She never has any time to herself because she's always taking care of Li'l Mohamed, Jonesie, Festus, Joe, her sisters, and The Sainted Mary Claire.  Mrs. Bill also takes care of a parcel of children, but still manages to take about a mile walk almost every night.  Gina would LOVE to do that, but no way.  There's way too much for Gina to do.  Kerry suggested that perhaps, like everything else, the show should help Gina with her problem.  Gina can get a Bluetooth headset and Richie will have an intern drive her a mile away - each morning, between 6:30am and 7:00.  That way, Gina can enjoy a frequent morning's ambling.

Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson chose "No PDAs", the principal denying a diploma for a student that blew a kiss to his family, as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
"I gotta get to my facial."


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radiofromhell
15 June 2009 @ 05:22 pm
RFH - 2009-06-15  
Episode #5196
Days until contract expiration: 290

Opening Song
"Pump it Up" - Elvis Costello

Sign-offs
  • "Rehab is for quitters."
  • "I want a man who is kind and understanding.  Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"
A Message From Crom.
Crom cares nothing for your short skirts and racquets; only how you fill your bodice.

Paradise
Bill and Richie survived.  They managed to hike down into Havasupai in The Grand Canyon and hike back out alive.  For the occassion, Bill borrowed a one-man ultra-light tent.  Setting his tent stakes he reached down an grabbed a rock with which to hammer the spikes.  The rock, oddly enough, looked much like a plaster cast of Gene Simmon's genitalia.

Though the area was beautiful, the waste management aspect of the campground left something to be desired.  Last year a flood in the area washed away all of the outhouses.  In their place were a series of plastic port-a-pottys.  With all of the people hiking and camping, they tended to fill up rather quickly.  A helicopter would periodically come and drop off two new toilets and take two of the full toilets.  At this time, many a butt-cheek squeezing camper waddled towards the unfouled depository.

Boners (brought to you by a BBQ chicken sandwich and Little Bill's Darth Maul dip)
1. "Gimme All Your Diamonds":  When the night shift manager at The Black Diamond store confronted a strange man walking around the manufacturing plant, he stranger threatened him with an ice-pick then demanded all of the precious metals in the store.  Apparently the thief took the name of the store literally and expected it to be filled with gold and diamonds.  The manager explained that they were a outdoor equipment business.  The thief then stole a computer, some ice-screws, and other miscellaneous climbing equipment.

2. "Try and Stab Me.  Go On.  Try.":  A British company has developed and marketed the first "anti-stab" kitchen knife.  The knife is designed to be less effective as a weapon.  It has a blunted end and a design that makes it snag on skin and clothing. 

3. "He Said It, So I Kicked It Out Of Him":  A student teacher may be charged with battery after kicking a student for using the word "crap."  The student claims that the teacher kicked him in the shins, stomach, and the back of the head.  The teacher claims that it was all "just a joke."

The "diamond" thief is Boner of the Day.


She's Not The Only One
Gina ate a kumquat.  She bet that Bill hadn't.  He informed her than he had.  Gina changed her bet to include that most people hadn't.  Most people probably have.  It's not just a joke fruit?  No, Gina, it isn't.

Bill Frost
Bill helped Shannon and Jeff judge the car show.  That's hard work.  Run's House is back.  No word on DMC's Hovel.  Wedding Day shows pimp weddings.  Jada Pinket Smith is unlikeable, but beautiful.  The Unusuals is going away for every.  Pushing Daisies is completely done.  They're running out the clock on Eli Stone, Kings, and Harper's Island.  Impact will be a terrible miniseries in which humanity blows up the moon.  Why?  Because they can.  Merlin was before Harry Potter.  Spike has The Guy Choice Awards.  Guys choose big boobs and dip.

Unforgettable Quote
"You'd only know if it was cold if you were sitting underneath me." - Gina Barberi

Communing With The Natives
As Bill was leaving of the beautiful turquoise pools down in Havasupai, he noticed a Native American gentleman standing nearby.  Thinking that he was a local and might know something about the weather, Bill asked, "Is it gonna rain?"  The gentleman looked up at the sky then replied, "I don't know."

Radio From Hell Nudity
Saturday was Richie's birthday.  To mark the occasion, he decided to show of Li'l Richie.  He told everyone that he was going to jump off a cliff, into the pool below, naked.  He got behind the waterfall, took off his suit, then jumped into the pool below.  No one really paid much attention, but somewhere, someone has photographs.  Unfortunately, they're not very flattering.  The water was cold enough that his testes had crawled back up behind his navel.

Gina "The Rock Ambler" Barberi
Along the way, some of Bill's companions, who were friends of the program, asked if Gina could do the hike.  Both Richie and Bill replied with an emphatic, "No."  Gina was deeply offended.  She could do it.  No one can tell Gina what she can't do.  She could do it.  Atropos wrote in to remind Gina of her previous experience hiking with Bill and Richie:
Rock Climbing with Gina - October 13, 2006
Before their Q&A session at Dixie State College, Richie took Kerry, Bill, and Gina up to see the the hill with "Dixie" painted on it. You drive up the hill and park. Everyone was wearing some kind of sandal, but Gina was the only one with any kind of problem. As they walked up the little trail, Gina was way behind, complaining and crying. There were steps carved directly into the rock, but Gina thought that was still too hard to "scale." As they got to the top, there's an edge that you can hang your head over and see all of St. George upside down - which Richie did. Bill walked to the edge, but didn't see St. George upside down. Gina wouldn't come within 100 yards of the edge. She was afraid to step over the 4-inch crack in the rock; afraid that the other side would break and fall on her like Wile E. Coyote. Regardless of Gina's assertion that they went "rock climbing", Kerry and Bill more accurately described it as "rock ambling."


Gina's Sign-off
"I could do it."


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radiofromhell
13 May 2009 @ 01:07 pm
RFH - 2009-05-13  

Episode #5176
Days until contract expiration: 323

Opening Song
"I Want to be a Polygamist" - The Utah County Swillers

The U.C. Swiller's page on the social network that must not be named, here.


Sign-offs

  • You don't have to apologize to me, but you're gonna have to answer to Jesus.

  • With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun!

A Sixteenth Cherokee
Gina would rather be home in bed.  Not Bill.  He obviously enjoys this job enough to throw his sleeping schedule and life into complete disarray.  Kerry feels that it's healthier to go to bed early and get up early.  According to Bill, people really should go to bed when the sun sets and wake up when the sun rises; like the injuns do.  Who?  The injuns.  Ya know, the red man.  Gina prefers "Native American."  Bill apologized; he wasn't aware that Gina was 1/16th Cherokee.  Kerry is actually part Sioux; his grandmother or grandfather was 100%, which left Kerry with a family history of weak heart, but wasn't enough to get Kerry any booze money from the gov'ment.  If any Native Americans do not understand that Bill's terminology and comments were made in a satirical manner, he'll be happy to sit down and smoke the peace pipe with them.

Drive-Thru MILF
Gina's on a new diet.  It's called "Driving Joe's Car."  Joe never, ever eats in his car, so Gina can't either.  It keeps her from eating fast-food because Gina pefers driving around the back of restaruants and getting her food tossed to her from a window.  When going to Taco Bell, Gina doesn't order a drink, because they only have Pepsi.  Instead she only orders a soft taco, MEAT-ONLY!  When eating a hamburger, Gina likes to take off the paper wrapper and wrap it in a napkin instead.  That way it soaks up more grease.  Radio From Hell has become The Old Spaghetti Factory of morning shows.

Underwhelming Boners (brought to you by pulled-pork BBQ sandwiches)
1. "Mark Shurtleff is a Twit":  Attorney General Mark "Alco-pop" Shurtleff accidentally Twittered his announcement to run against Senator Bob Bennett in the next election.

2. "We Told You To Just Say, 'No,' To Prom ":  A student was suspended from his Christian school because he attended Prom at another High School.  The Christian school bans dancing and is principaled by John Lithgow.

        2a. "It's Just Like Footloose!" - Gina Barberi

3. "It Was My First Day as a Guard":  A Bosnian guard forgot to lock the door on his prisoner.  The prisoner escaped.

The dance-banning Christian School is Boner of the Day.

Your List of Things That Must Go
People who watch American Karaoke and make it the focus of conversation for the entire day.  Cars that are full of trash.  People who want valets to park their car with their dog still inside.  People who tell their valet, "I have an iPhone in my car.  Do not steal it."  People who complain that Postum is no longer available.  Glenn Beck.  Cellflirt.com.  Adult twins who still dress identically.  Annoying fonts or stationary in E-mail.  Pedestirans that cross the street when the hand is red.  People who gie pets as gifts.  Vegans.  Ann Coulter.  Iced milk.  "The Friend Zone."  "Voka" instead of "Vodka."  Talking about church-stuff at work.  Mini Coopers.  PT Cruisers.  Men driving convertibles.  Yellow cars.  Advertising "mountain view" homes in Utah.

Cock-a-Doodle
Bill is still trying to convince Gina that she should allow Joe to join the Urban Chicken movement.  According to the article, chickens are friendly, quieter than dogs, and fun to take care of.  Kerry has a somewhat different opinion of chickens.  In his experience as a farm-boy, they are loud, filthy, mean, and will attract raccoons and skunks.  Gina won't divorce Joe over the chickens, but if he decides to get an urban chicken coop, he'll have made the decision for her.

Gina's Sign-off
"That's right Hot Rod."

 

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radiofromhell
31 March 2009 @ 08:53 pm
RFH - 2009-03-31  
Episode #5145
Days until contract expiration: 366

Sign-off
  • "You should commit the oldest sins in the newest kind of way."
  • "Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it."
It Feels Good
Put one in Gina's "W" column!  She snagged the closest possible parking space today!  Gina rarely gets the cherished spot, but that doesn't keep her from trying every single day! 

Two Ships Passing in the Night
Last night, Gina called to order pizza from Este Pizza.  She called Este because she really loves their garlic knots.  The clerk took her order but then informed her that it was going to be an hour and 15 minutes.  Apparently they received an order from a man in Provo and their delivery driver agreed to drive as far south as 126th - which screwed up the timing on the rest of the deliveries.  Did Gina cancel her order and call someone else?  No.  Gina was astonished!  Don't they have pizza places in Provo?  Bill was just as concerned; didn't they have other pizza places in Salt Lake that Gina could have called!?  They do, but other restaurants don't have garlic knots.

Boners (brought to you by BBQ chicken pizza (made by Little Bill) and cheese pizza (made by Little Mrs. Bill))
1. "Losing is for Losers": The coach of a youth soccer team for six to seven-year-old girls has quit after a scathing letter angered team parents.  Michael Kinahan encouraged players to eat "undercooked red-meat", to win at all costs, and .  Mr. Minahan went on to say, "I believe that winning is fun and losing is for losers" and to be ready to play like a "Michael Vick pit bull."

2. "We Will Chop off Your Willy":  Two day-care workers have been suspended after they allegedly held a knife to the penis of a 4-year-old boy and threatened to cut off the boy's "willy."  The boy had been exposing himself and the employees sought to discourage the boy from doing it again.  The boy's grandmother claimed that now the boy was trying to use knives at home to hurt himself.

3. "We Thought You'd Like This Remembrance of your Dear, Departed Husband":  Police officers in the UK have apologized to a widow after they returned the blood stained yellow tow rope that her husband used to hang himself.  The rope was placed into a sack with the man's other belongings and returned to his wife.  The police officer is implementing steps to prevent future incidents.

The police giving back the suicide rope are Boners of the Day/

Our Son Kyle
Kerry and Bill forgot to call their son, Kyle, this morning at 7:00.  Kyle got teary for a moment when he thought that Gina had said that they, "missed Kyle."  Gina, of course, meant that that the show had missed their call to Kyle.  Kyle was hurt.  Why does Gina hate him?  Gina does harbor some ill will towards Kyle.  Bill hypothesied that it was because Kyle took attention away from Gina for five minutes every other week.  Not so.  Gina holds something else against Kyle.  Neither he nor she would say, but Kyle is a homewrecker.  That was a number of years ago!  Kyle has changed.  He's sorry he did it!  He made a single mistake in his life!  Gina has zero tolerance for Kyle's kind of behavior.  She has been on the other side of that behavior and it's repugnant.  Kyle has really changed.  He's repentant.  He's willing to take jiggly Gina on a bitchin' ATV ride.  Well, Gina won't have any of that, but if he's really changed, Gina is willing to hug and forgive (but not forget).

Neglected News
Heather Locklear doesn't care for banana story lines.  Prince Michael will be ruined just as Michael Jackson.  Jumpym Tambermann and Brimney Spirts will guest star with Michael in London.  Michael will be arriving by boat to each show and appear on top of an elephant.  Zackeffron gave up the Footloose role after Linkio Destinkio warned him about type-casting.


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radiofromhell
19 March 2009 @ 12:52 pm
RFH - 2009-03-19  
Episode #5137
Days until contract expiration: 378

Sign-off
  • "Marriage is a three ring surface.  Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering."

A False Start
Yesterday, Bill posted, "Whatever Gina Barberi eats, comes out cookie dough," on his Twitter page.  Gina was so "grateful."  Bill began to wonder if you could feed Gina different things to produce other kinds of cookies.  Want some macaroons?  Feed Gina some shredded wheat and coconut.  Gina was worried that she'd never have any privacy.  No, no.  Gina can do *that* in private, but she'd never have to throw anything away.  Kerry invented a specialized device to make new shapes.  It's based on the old Play-Doh Playset.

Boners (brought to you by food from Vietnam)
1. "I'm Gonna Cut That Thing Off'n Ya":  Police are investigating an incident in a Georgia High School in which a principal is accused of holding a knife to the arm of a student.  The student has three tattoos on his arm and claims that the principal stopped him the hall and asked, "YOu want me to cut that off your arm?"

2. "My Bar is Not Full of Cocaine, and I Can Prove It":  After a police raid found large traces of drugs in a nightclub, the owner wrote a letter to police denying that the bar was a haven for narcotics.  Unfortunately, the letter was covered in traces of cocaine.  The police issued a statement indicating that the letter was extremely helpful in their investigation.

3. "Hey Kids.  Lookee Here":  A Uintah school-bus driver has been accused of using a cell phone to display pornographic images to some male students.  The driver has been charged with providing materials harmful to a minor but claims that she was simply allowing the students to use her phone and they must have stumbled across the images.

The cocaine-letter-writer is Boner of the Day.

Ask a Person with M.S.
Amy Schaffer was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in January of 2007.  The symptoms began as unusual stumbling and a numbness on one side.  When they took her MRI, they initially thought she had a massive, malignant brain tumor.  M.S. is extremely hard to diagnoses.  It's much a case of eliminate the possibilities.  Ms. Schaffer is currently pregnant, which apparently really eases the symptoms and pain.  Researchers are spending a lot of effort investigating the myriad of hormones produced by a woman's pregnant body.

Jeff Vice
The Great Buck Howard isn't that great.  2 stars.

Duplicity.  Gina's movie.  Staring Gina's best friend, Julia Roberts and her throbbing forehead vein.  It's not bad.  In fact, it's pretty good.  Besides Ms. Roberts and her acting vein, the movie features Clive Owen, Paul Giamati, and Tom Wilkinson.  It's made by the same filmmakers who created Michael Clayton.  The movies falls apart during the third-act with too many plot holes and "twists."  Still, entertaining.  3 stars.

I Love You Man features Paul Rudd and his boyish charms.  It's a perfectly acceptable bro-mance movie.  3 stars.

Neglected News
Britney is using back-masking and subliminal messages to embed secret messages to her fan; Our Son Kyle.  Bru Swillis is marrying a model.  Apparently his daughters, Rumor, Beagle, and Tipsy, are not thrilled.  Cap'n Tight-pants is in a new show called Castles.  It's like Moonlighting and Murder She Wrote if you had heard of Moonlighting and never saw Murder She Wrote.  Mr. Pants doesn't mind being called Cap'n Tight-Pants.  You can her his singing skills in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, written by Joss Whedon.  Bill once rode on the back of a False Killer Whale.

Gina's Sign-off
"What if the whale dives down?"


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radiofromhell
18 March 2009 @ 12:16 pm
RFH - 2009-03-18  
Episode #5136
Days until contract expiration: 379

Sign-offs
  • "No one is a virgin.  The world screws us all."
  • "If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out."

Karaoke Chat
"Crom will destroy America to save it from American [Karaoke]."

Boners (brought to you by Unka Todd's excellent corned beef and Gina's ruined corned beef)
1. "I Got My Deer!"  A West Valley man has been jailed on domestic violence charges after beating his girlfriend with a set of deer antlers.

2. "The Answer is Blowing in the Wind":  The portable lavatory that Bob Dylan has placed on his palatial estate is "raising a stink."  Neighbors are complaining that the noxious raw sewage stench is causing severe discomfort and may be causing illness.

3. "The Senator and The Songwriter Does Neither Very Well":  Senator Orrin Hatch is seeking to pass a bill that seemingly punishes radio stations for promoting a performers material.  The bill will seek to add additional fees each time a radio station plays a song.  Stations already pay significant royalties to song-writers each time their songs are aired.

Our esteemed senator, Orrin Hatch, is Boner of the Day

I Didn't Ruin the Dinner
Gina ruined Joe's corned beef and cabbage.  It was just as well.  Gina doesn't understand boiled meat.  Meat should only and always bee cooked outside over an open flame.  She followed the simple recipe and boiled the meat with the onions, celery, and spices for two hours.  She then took Bill's advice and placed the beef under the broiler for ten minutes.  It turned all leathery.  Bill reminded Gina that she was using Joe's recipe and should have done it Joe's way.  All was not lost.  The green cake that Gina purchased from a French bakery turned out just fine. 

Things That Must Go
Gina
  • People in the customer service industry that can't fake a good attitude.
  • People that don't acknowledge you when you hold the door for them.
  • The onion smell on Gina's hands.

Bill
  • Comedians on news programs.
  • "...with all the trimmings."
  • Baby pictures as your Facebook profile photo.  Is that you as a baby?  Your baby?  A random baby?
  • A picture with two people as your Facebook profile photo.  Which is you?
  • The corrective honk.  Bill knows he did something mildly illegal.  Leave him alone.

Kerry
  • If you're parking a motorcycle in a busy parking log, park towards the back of the stall so it is easily visible.
  • On "Take Your Kid to Work Day", only do so if you have an exciting job.
  • Only John Lennon is allowed to sing "Imagine."
  • "Twits" on Twitter.  A "Tweet" is something funny or clever.  A "Twit" is another "doing my nails now" or "getting ready to go jogging" or some other pointless and boring announcement.

Gina's Sign-off
"I swallowed a shell."





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radiofromhell
06 March 2009 @ 12:11 pm
RFH - 2009-03-06  

Episode #5128
Days until contract expiration: 391

Sign-offs
  • "It is better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot."

Damned Transient
Bill was home taking care of Little Mrs. Bill and Little Bill so Mrs. Bill could go to The Bug Store (The Deseret Industries).  Little Bill was up performing experiments in his room as Little Mrs. Bill was yelling at Bill, calling him the worst father in the world, complaining about her hunger pangs, and listening to Bunnicula for the umpteenth time.  When Bill's phone rang, Mrs. Bill asked if their windshield had been broken before.  It hadn't.  "The damn transient broke my windshield."  As Mrs. Bill was entering the store, a panhandler came up and asked her for some money.  Mrs. Bill refused and proceeded into the store.  She had a feeling that she should stand there and watch the man instead of just walking into the store, but ended up rejecting her paranoia.  When she came out, there was a large spidering crack on the bottom corner of her windshield.  Richie suggested that Mrs. Bill should really have listened to the still small voice that was the spirit of The Lord.

Carbon Ass-Prints
When that tree-huggin' Egyptian husband of Gina's bought a truck, to pull the mobile House of Character, he bought one with a remote start....  So the car can be running whilst no one is actually using it.  Apparently Joe talks the talk, walks the walk, but doesn't fly the carpet.  Gina, however, was very excited to use the remote start this morning so that she could get into a nice warm vehicle.  When She got into the truck, however, it was still cold.  The heater hadn't been left on.  <sigh>  She had the anticipation of warmth, but it was cold inside.  Joe had an eerily similar thought on their wedding night.

Sex Change
Sue's brother, Drew, is a girl.  Not really, but his boss came to him and showed him that his Social Security file lists him as a female.  He's 33-years-old, and it had never come up before.  Now he's got to go down to the IRS and whip it out.  "It" being the paperwork that Kerry and Sue need to take him from their home in Utah.

Dieting
Gina couldn't even make it one day on the "Eat what Joe Eats" diet plan.  First of all, Joe is out of town.  Who knows what kind of rotten, spoiled, and moldy cheeses he may be consuming.  Second, the babies were home asleep and Gina had to entertain two gangly 11-year-old boys.  Where else should a mother take her two pre-teen boys but to a McDonald's Playland?  She had no choice.  SHE GOTS NO PLACE ELSE TO GO!!

Boners (brought to you by a sausage, and onions, and peppers, and spinach, and cheese salad)
1. "I Give you Two-Bucks if you make it an Ice Ball":  A school-bus driver has been suspended after offering to pay other students a dollar to throw snowballs at another 13-year-old student.  Several students did throw snow at the boy, but he was not injured.

2. "Hey Kids, You Wanna See My Diaper?":  Salt Lake City police again arrested Barton Jason Lewis Bagnes (31) after he displayed the diaper he was wearing to a group of children.  Mr. Bagnes was previously nominated as a Boner when he displayed a diaper with an Elmo character on them.  In that case, the Judge saw fit to dismiss the charges when he determined that displaying a diaper to children would not cause the same level of distress as displaying his genitals.

3. "You Educators Ought to just Stay Off the Internet":  Due to a configuration error, a Pennsylvania school district sold a used classroom trailer worth $5,000 to $10,000 for a single dollar on the auction site eBay.  The trailers were originally purchased for $46,000.

The diaper display and the dismissing judge are Boners of the Day.

Awkward
After inviting Richie to a Sunday dinner, his mother then sent a text asking if Richie remembered a girl named "Sandy," whom he dated three years ago.  Richie did.  She was wondering if she had ever met Sandy.  She had, and the family had dubbed her "Catwoman."  That particular relationship ended rather unpleasantly.  Richie broke up with her, but continued to phone her for "Mormon Booty Calls."  Now, it turns out, "Sandy" is dating Richie's step-brother.

Margaret Ruth
Some women crave drama.  Even when their boyfriend has anger issues, breaks things, and refuses to let her leave, she sticks with him.  After a difficult divorce, he 80% hates you.  Keep the lawnmower.  Beheading is not an adequately considered solution during this segment.  The nice young lady with whom you have been having a MySpace relationship isn't available until her divorce is final.  She may be doing this same thing with several other guys and might be causing the divorce.  You'll be married within the next ten years.

Neglected News
Jahoova Bile is too clingy.  Jumpym Tambermann is tired of her, and much too busy writing his next Lowbook Sales song.  Hannah Montana don't like the Radiohead.  They snoobed her at the Grammys.  The whore, Darva Conger, is back.

Boners of the Week
Dave "The Best Utahn" Matson chose today's Boner as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
"To all the girls I've loved before."


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radiofromhell
05 March 2009 @ 01:01 pm
RFH - 2009-03-05  

Episode #5127
Days until contract expiration: 392

Opening Song
"Pink Triangle" - Weezer

Sign-off
  • "You can get all 'A's and still flunk life." -- Walker Percy
  • "Drinking removes warts and pimples.  Not from me, but from those I look at." -- WC Fields

Take the Pen!
A long while ago, an F.O.P gave Bill one of them fancy Space Pens; the pens what write upside-down.  Bill gave the pen to Little Bill, who didn't take care of it, so Bill took it back.  The only problem with the Space Pen is that it takes a special refill, which will cost more than a regular pen.  Bill is trying to economize his budget where ever he can.  Kerry suggests that Bill just start collecting promotional pens as he does.  Kerry has pens from everywhere - The Mandalay Bay, his tax advisor, "Keith Christensen for Mayor", etc.  Gina doesn't have a pen.  "The Man" always seems to have his pen at the ready whenever Gina needs it.

Boners (brought to you by The Noid and a potsticker salad)
1. "Ricky Lee Sample, You Put it on the Hood":  After having her purse snatched, a 65-year-old Fort Worth woman chased down the thief in her car while dialing 911.  On the 911 tape, Val Renfro can be heard ordering the thief, Ricky Lee Sample, to "Put the purse on the hood right now!"  At one point Ms. Renfro nudged Mr. Sample with her car and he offered to give the purse back if she would roll down her window.  She responded, “Like hell I’m going to!"  Mr. Sample was arrested and the purse was recovered.

2. "Scamming the Girl Scouts":  Two separate accounts of people ripping off The Girl Scouts.  In San Antonio, a robber and an accomplice snatched $250 dollars from a group of girl scouts selling cookies in front of a Walgreens.  The two men jumped into a getaway vehicle and made off with the money.  In Washington, an unknown number of criminals are using phony $20 bills to buy the Girl Scout Cookies.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,497249,00.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29465539/

3. "It's a Chuck-E-Cheese Beat-Down":  A man in Massachusetts received a $500 fine after he assaulted the mascot of a Chuck E. Cheese "restaurant."  The man accused the rodently-dressed mascot of picking up his son and pinning him against a video machine.  The rat claimed that the man's son and several other children had jumped on him and tried to remove his costume.

The girl-scout scammers/thieves are Boners of the Day.

Gina's Diet
Yesterday, Sue remotely persuaded Kerry that he should not consume a candy bar because it was against his diet.  Gina came to the conclusion that she could lose weight too, if only she had someone to slap the Cafe Latte and candy bars out of her hands.  Kerry offered to have Sue put together a diet plan for Gina that would really work.  Though Sue cannot spend the exhausting amount of time necessary to monitor Gina's eating habits, she did put together a sample plan:

Weekdays
5:00am - No Starbucks or Cafe Espresso.
9:00am - No Kit Kat.
11:00am - No Betos, Crown, Hires, or McDonald's on the way home.
3:00pm - No Betos, Crown, Hires, or McDonald's after picking up Festus from school.
7:00pm - Eat what Joe eats.

Weekends
7:00am - Eat what Joe eats.
12:00pm - Eat what Joe eats.
7:00pm - Eat what Joe eats.


Ask an Olympian
Jay Noller isn't an Olympian yet, but he is well on his way to leading a bobsledding team to the Olympics in 2014.  Jay became a bobsledder after his drunken roommate came home and saw him watching the Torino bobsledding events.  His roommate called him some names and bet him $20 that he wouldn't try out.  Jay won that bet, but spent substantially more money actually becoming a member of the US bobsledding team.  Jay is the driver of the bobsled, which means he sits in the front and holds on to the ropes, bungee cords, and D rings that make up a bobsled's steering mechanism.  Bobsledding can be dangerous, mostly because there is a very, very heavy sled that can roll over on top of you.  The turns on a bobsled track can edge up towards 5Gs.  It is not a smooth ride.  http://www.jaynoller.net

Phony Italians
Yesterday was The Sainted Mary Claire's birthday.  Apparently, Gina did not devote enough time to the event on the radio.  She only derailed the show for 30 minutes regarding Mary Claire's special day instead of devoting the proper about of time - the entire four hours.

Before the movie, Gina, The Sainted Mary Claire, and Gina's sisters went to the new Michelangelo's restaurant for dinner.  Gina was disappointed that all the cute and swarthy Italian waiters hadn't come with them to the new location.  It turns out, those cute Italian waiters were not Italian at all, but rather Egyptians who presented themselves as Italian.  As she recounted this incident to Joe, Joe claimed that he already knew they were Egyptian.  Gina was incredulous.  Why wouldn't Joe have said something whilst they were in the restaurant?  Maybe Joe didn't think that they were pretending to be Italian.  In fact, why didn't Gina notice that they weren't Italian?  She's been to Italy and seen real Italians.  Gina has been to Italy, but she didn't pay attention.

Jeff Vice
The Class is a docudrama about a teacher in France teaching French to a group of racially mixed students in Paris.  It shows the interaction between the teacher and the students and the parents and the parents/students.  It really details what a teacher goes through every day.  3.5 stars and an admonishment that members of the legislature should see it before setting another educational budget.

Watchmen.  Jeff feels that the story is missing something as the director's cut will feature two whole new pieces to the story.  THIS MOVIE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN.  It is rated 'R', and it deserves it's rating.  Hot sex, violent sex, graphic violence, and big-blue wang.  Kerry thought it over and gave it a full 4 stars, but Jeff gives it a 3, with room to grow depending on the extended DVD cut.

Gina's Sign-off
"Oh, I said something funny earlier and I can't remember what it is."

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radiofromhell
02 March 2009 @ 12:56 pm
RFH - 2009-03-02  
RFH - 2009-03-02

Episode #5124
Days until contract expiration: 395

All the People Who Died, Died
Paul Harvey, legendary broadcaster and unyeilding fascist, passed away at the age of 90.  Bill remembers going to work with his father and, at noon, stopping to eat lunch out of his Aladdin Stanley lunch bucket.  Bill had milk, his father had Postum.  Paul was one of a kind, and original, and he will be missed.

Secret Smells
The air-conditioner is running over time in an attempt to fumigate the weekend of 'eewwww.'  Bill remarked that the studio had the smell of hair gel, sex, and ass.

Unforgettable Quote
"It's kind of a combination of different smells; hair gel, sex and ass."

Maturity Reigns
Nathan Mackey would like Radio From Hell to stop discussing Gina's eating habits.  According to Nathan, it's old and no longer funny.  Of course, Nathan expects that Kerry, Bill, and Gina will do exactly the opposite, "which is very mature of you."  Sounds great.  Thanks for listening.

Gina's habits have changed since she met Joe.  Not a lot, but sum.  Whilst driving to Tooele (which is much farther than she remembers), she was listening to an old "Best of Radio From Hell" that described a trip with Joe to Portland, OR.  That was where Gina had her first hummus.  Now she eats hummus whenever Joe makes her.

Joe was driving Festus and a friend home from School when the two boys began discussing what they were going to give up for Lent.  Festus suggested that he should give up McDonald's cheeseburgers.  Joe posited that it shouldn't be that hard since he doesn't have them very often.  Until that moment, Joe was blissfully unaware that Gina and Festus stopped by the McDonald's nearly day for drinks, fries, and a cheeseburger.

The Weakness of the Youth
On the Friday before Valentine's Day, F.O.P Nathan called in to Margaret Ruth.  His girlfriend/fiance had been pressuring him to engage in intercourse with her.  They had done it before, but had dutifully gone to the bishop and were told that they needed to repent and abstain for six-months before they could even consider a temple wedding.  Unfortunately, chalk one up for The Dark Lord; Nathan and his girlfriend slipped.  Since then, Nathan has found himself (and his factory) empty inside.  He's been weeping a lot at sappy songs or movies.  Bill suggests that they just try again.  Bill didn't just quit smoking in one try.  Richie suggests that they get married ASAP then get sealed in the temple after a year.  For some members of the LDS church, however, that is a real kick in the groin to their humility.


Boners (brought to you by salmon)
1. "Bill O'Reilly Knows you Hate Obama Because You Love Him":   In a televised rant, Bill O'Reilly used the ratings of the Fox News Channel to conclude that the majority of Americans do not support the policies of Barack Obama.

2. "That Smell is a Violation Too":  After having seven tickets issued to an illegally parked car, authorities finally noticed a corpse in the back of the car.  Neighbors called to complain about an ill odor surrounding the vehicle, which led police to finally perform more than a cursory investigation.

3. "I Can't Let The Baby Go Hungry ":  Ohio resident Genine Compton has been arrested after receiving a tip that the woman was seen breast feeding her baby, whilst talking on a mobile telephone, and driving her car.  When confronted, the woman admitted to breast-feeding the baby but defended her actions by saying she would not let her child go hungry.

The breast-feeding-cell-talking-car-driving mother is Boner of the Day.


Bill Frost
The local girl on The Bus of Syphillis has gone out in an drunken blaze of skanky glory.  24 has Jaenene Garafelo.  Holly Hunter is still losing weight on Saving Grace, despite all of the scenery she is chewing.  Ax Men is a reality show detailing the secret lives of Lumberjacks.  They're ok.  The sleep all night and they work all day.  They cut down trees, they skip and jump, they like to press wild flowers. They put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.  And they one day, they'll take on the Ice Road Truckers in a WWE Raw Special Event.  Reaper is back on Tuesday on the CW.  Burn Notice finishes it's season and will be back for another.  In the meantime, Gabriel Anwar will star in The Scent of a Body Snatcher.  The chemistry teacher turned meth-producer is back in Breaking Bad.  The good looking lesbians finale on The L-Word.

Neglected News
Rhianna still likes Mr. Brown, but next time he better put some stank on it.  Kanye was dissin' on the Radio Head because Radio Head be snubbin' on Kanye at the Grammy's.  Jimmy Fallon will snicker though his interview with Robert DeNiro.  Bru Swillis dropped out.


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