Episode #5217
Days until contract expiration: 255
Day 15 of Gina's Morning Meander

Opening Song
"The Strokes" - Juicebox

Sign-off

• "An all escargo diet isn't easy on the tummy." - Zach Galifianaki
• "How old should a Highway be before it's told that he's adopted." - Zach Galifianakis

Only Mostly Dead
Bill was nearly killed....twice.  Yesterday afternoon he was riding his bike and was nearly run down by a crying woman.  This morning, a person made a U-turn nearly hitting Bill once again. 

Surprise!
Gina was right.  Bill was wrong.  Sir Edmund Hillary IS dead.

Boners (brought to you by turkey burgers)
1. "My Swimsuit is Just Too Tight":  A 51-year-old man claimed that his tight, European-style swimming suit was to blame for his exposing his genitalia to a 14-year-old girl.  When a witness yelled at Bradford Biggers, he ran way.  When deputies confronted Mr. Biggers, they declined to believe his story of tight swimwear and arrested him.

2. "I Must Freshen Up" or "Far East Bound and Down":  :  A Chinese semi-truck driver was cited by police for showering whilst driving his truck.  Police noticed water leaking from the cab and pulled the driver over to inform him of a mechanical problem.  They found that the driver and his wife had rigged up a sprinkler system when the air-conditioning in the truck failed.  The driver's wife was holding a sheet of plastic over the instrument panel to protect it from the water.

3. "Ahhhhh Ogden":  An Ogden woman is behind bars after being accused of helping to steal a couple of pitbull puppies that were being sold in a ShopKo parking lot.  The woman believe that their dog had sired the puppies.  The woman't boyfriend pulled a gun on the puppies' owners and demanded two of the small animals.  As they attempted to get away, the victims tried to stop the car by jumping on the hood.  The woman was arrested on charges of aggravated robbery, reckless driving, driving on a suspended license, interfering with a public servant, and a previous warrant for prostitution.

The puppy thieves are Boners of the Day.

Hello?  Yeah?  What?
Margaret Ruth was removed from the show by an edict from management.  They gave no explanation and Radio From Hell would rather they hadn't.  Artie Fufkin and management were not able to agree on certain items and decided to part ways.  Many who drive home in the afternoon miss Artie Fufkin.  During the recorded version of Things That Must Go at the end of the eight o'clock hour, Kerry sits quietly and enjoys the comedy.  Gina goes from desk to desk looking for candy.  Bill, on the other hand, enjoys a couple of his more favored pornographic websites.

Neglected News
Ryan O'Neal writes about Farrah in his diary.  Gina hopes that, after she dies, people will write about her in their diaries.  Bill already writes about Gina in his diary.  Every entry begins exactly the same way; "I can't believe Gina...."  Tony Romo is dating a mountain lion.  Gina nearly broke into a jog during her morning meander.  If Gina had a time machine and could go back to when she was 18-year-old, Joe would only be 14-years-old.  If Bill went back to when he was 18-years-old, Mrs. Bill would still be in utero.

Gina's Sign-off
"Far East Bound and Down."

(Author's note: Best wishes to Punk and his family.  Get well!.....or at least better!)

Episode #5192
Days until contract expiration: 396

Opening Song
"Take It Off" - The Don..."I KNEW IT!  I KNEW IT!"  That was Gina's battle cry as Kerry finished playing the opening song.  She knew that Kerry would play that song to open the show as soon as he saw The Hangover.  She knew it!  Great job Gina!  You're amazing.  Congratulations!  Awesome show!  Great job!  We're all so proud of you.  Gina's just amazing!  Way to go!  Pats on the back to Gina!  She soooo called that one.  Gina's such a smartie.  It was the greatest ever!  She's the one!  She was right on!  Great job!  Go ahead and cross "Gina was right" off "The List of Things You Never Thought You'd See."

Sign-offs

• "I wish there was a morning-after-pill for Denny's Moons Over My Hammy." - Zach Galifinakis
• "A children's museum sounds like a good idea, but I would imagine it's not easy to breathe inside those little glass cases." - George Carlin

Boners (brought to you by an ice-cream sandwich)
1. "Bessie Lou!  What Did You Do?":  Angry that her brother was sentenced to life-in-prison after scamming an elderly woman out of $2,000, Bessie Lou Phillips followed the victim to her home then used her car to ram the older woman's car.  Ms. Phillips was charged with attempted aggravated assault.

2. "Wha?...Wha?...Wha?...What Happened To The Pig?":  A New York man was arrested whilst trying to buy a $50-bag of crack cocaine for $10 and 1/2 a slaughtered pig.  Police spotted the man and his dealer on a street corner and arrested them.  Whilst they were otherwise engaged, someone made off with the pig.

3. "I'm Against Anything That Might Help Those Promiscuous Mexicans":  David Wilde may be removed from his position on the Salt Lake Valley Board of Health after a racist comment against a house bill to help stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.  The bill allows doctors to prescribe antibiotics for their patient as well as their patient's partner.  In opposition to the bill, Mr. Wilde said:


David Wilde is Boner of the Day.


Missionary Delinquent
Gina was curious as to whether or not the LDS church had a hot-line for reporting on LDS Missionaries.  Whilst driving near Van Winkle and 9th East, Gina looked out her window and saw two young elders preparing for quite a night.  They were carrying a 24-pack of Mountain Dew.  Not diet.  Not caffiene free.  Pure, unadulterad Mormon Moonshine.

Gina's Sign-off
"I did not ruin the show."