Episode #5242
Days until contract expiration: 218
Day 1 of Gina's workout.
Edition 1016 of Atropos' blog.

Opening Song
"When Worlds Collide" - Powerman 5000

Sign-off

• "Everyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."

Boners
1. "Like My Bathing Suits?":  A man in St. George, wearing nothing but a speedo, was arrested on suspicion of voyeurism.  The man was peeping on a group of girls aged 15 to 17 when he tapped on the window to get their attention.  One of the girls alerted her father, who called police.  Police received another call of a prowler in the same area.  After a short chase, the barely clad man was successfully detained.

2. "Hey!  Is That Brett Favre?  No.  It's a Goat":  A woman who took her car into an auto repair shop warned the attendant that she had a goat in the drunk, dressed up like Brett Favre, and that she intended to butcher it.  When the attendant opened the trunk, he found that there was, in fact, a goat dressed as Brett Favre inside.  The goat was taken to an Animal Shelter, renamed Brett, and placed in foster care.

3. "I Use My Children as Billboards":  Religious zealot Wayne Sapp's 10-year-old daughter was sent home from school minutes after she showed up wearing a t-shirt reading "Islam is of The Devil" in bright red letters.  Mr. Sapp had the t-shirts printed by an Internet company when local companies refused to print the inflammatory message.

Mr. Sapp and his t-shirts are Boners of the Day.

Gina's Routine
When Gina enters a hotel room, the first thing she does is open the shower curtain.  Next, she turns off all of the lights, takes off all her clothes, and checks all the mirrors for light coming from behind a camera lens.  Next, she takes the comforter off the bed, because those hotels never wash them.  Finally, she takes out her sanitizing wipes and wipes down all of the door handles and, most vigorously, the TV remote.  Now that Kerry gave her a sleep sack, Gina is one step closer to being hermetically sealed.

The Evolution
Gina's walk is evolving into Gina's Workout.  Gina's walk was distracting because the phone connection was never very good.  Instead, the fitness director of The Alta Club will come down to the studio and give Gina a 15-20 minute work.  He'll whip her right into shape.

Untitled
Oh.  Good.  He's back.

Things That Must Go
Bill

• Squealing the tires of a Prius.
• Mail that reads "Open Immediately" address to "Current Resident."
• "Next.  Live.  The latest on Ted Kennedy's death."
• Overuse of the word "Live" on the radio.
• The "old fart" argument.

Gina

• The time deodorizer in the bathroom, and the fact that it's broken, and the fact that it's on the sink, and the fact that it sprays all over you when you wash your hands, and the fact that Gina can't be bothered to move it.
• Football players that pull their helmet off and immediately put on a ball cap.
• Social/political messages at concerts.

Kerry

• "You know, I'm paying good money for this."
• "Mafia wars," "What superhero are you?,"  "I just got my goth name.  What's yours?," or "Upgrade your car for the street race."  Kerry made a mistake by collecting Star Wars figures when he first started using FaceBook, but that was wrong.
• The GPS with the celebrity voices that are offering the voice of Bob Dylan.

Neglected New
Megan Fox and Sheila Boof just didn't work out.  Sheila gave up and moved to another lesbian relationship with Carrie Mulligan.  They enjoy groppin' over drinks.

Episode #5221
Days until contract expiration: 247
Day 1 of Gina's Most Newest Morning Meander

Opening Song
"Spider On My Bed" - The Scofflaws

Sign-offs

• "I was subpoenaed, but I plead the sixth.  That'll throw them for a loop."
• "Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys still had cooties."

Boners
1. "Let's Just Hope There Isn't a Fire":  The new fire station in Goshen, UT has decided to save $30,000 by not installing fire sprinklers. 

2. "I Don't Know Where She'd Hide a Gun":  After car jacking a vehicle from a driveway a woman dressed in nothing but a bikini drove to an RV dealership and attempted to rob them.  The woman claimed to have a gun, but the astute managers of the dealership noted that she did not have any place to hide a weapon.  They wrestled the woman to the ground and called the police.

3. "Hey, Ma.  Will Ya Help Me Burn Renee?":  A Wisconsin mother and her 36-year-old son have been arrested after the son strangled his girlfriend.  The two then transported the corpse to a friends house, incinerated the body, then scattered the ashes into a frozen lake.

The corpse burning mother and son duo are Boners of the Day.

Scary
Besides cougars, snakes, sting-rays, dark parking lots, poo-water, the hood, cheese, sushi, wind chimes, shower curtains, sculptures depicting children, the wind, Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang, and television thieves, only one thing scares Gina; large avians.

Thanks......Thanks.......Um......Thanks.
Lately, a lot of BFOPs and other FOPs have been bringing Radio From Hell gifts.  These are appreciated, but not necessary.  If you decide to bring gifts to the studio, there are a couple things to remember.  First of all booze is always welcome.  Second, don't bother bringing anything for Gina.  It will just end up under Gina's desk.

King of the Wild Frontier
If you're wondering where all the coonskin caps have gone, they all went to Nashville.  Isn't that something.  Well, I'll be darned.

Episode #4969

Thanks, But No Thanks
The staff of a Utah based fake-news website were so happy that Radio From Hell and Jake of the Web mentioned them on the air.  They sent a gift; a picture of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon.  Gee.  Thanks.  Kerry thought it might have "silly" value, but Bill became actively pissed.

Critter Trouble
The raccoons are back....again.  The other day they managed to knock over a giant jug of water (400-12,494lb) that Bill can lift.  They've broken the cat door, and when Bill put a second giant jug of water in front of the door, they started scratching paint and wood right off the door.  Any day now, they'll be carrying Little Mrs. Bill off in the night.

Boners (brought to you by roasted peanuts and a gin and tonic)
1. "I Was Checking Her Trunk For Guns":  A South Carolina magistrate faces charges after involvement in a drunken brawl in which he allegedly groped a woman's buttocks. 

2. "Oooohh.  I Wanna Picture of The Carnage":  After a fiery crash on the LBJ freeway in Texas, a 22-year-old movie apparently left her car in order to obtain pictures of the carnage and wreckage.  The woman was struck by a fast-moving vehicle and killed as she made her way across the HOV lane.

3. "I'm Just Trying to Help Boss":  Low-level and unpaid volunteers for Barack Obama refused to allow two women, wearing muslim-style headscarved from appearing in a photograph with him.  The campaign has apologized.

The woman dashing across the freeway for pictures are Boners of the Day.

Ask an Excommunicated Mormon
University of Utah professor Margaret Toscano is an excommunicated Mormon.  Her husband, Paul Toscano, was excommunicated as part of the somewhat infamous "September Six".  The "September Six" was the discipline and/or excommunication of six LDS intellectuals.  Ms. Toscano was excommunicated later.  Ms. Toscano was chastised a number of times for discussing the "Heavenly Mother", women in the priesthood, the role of women in the church, and the possibility that Joseph Smith discussed different roles for women.  The church demanded that Ms. Toscano disavow everything she had said previously and to never discuss those things again.  She could not.  She was taken before a "Church Court" (now referred to as a "Disciplinary Council") and stripped of her church membership.  Ms. Toscano still considers herself a Mormon, as that is her family heritage, but no longer a member of the church.  She bears no ill-will towards the church and won't discuss issues like temple ceremonies, etc.  The real issue, she says, is the rejection of amicable dissent and open discussion of feminist and other important issues. 

Movie Reviews with Jeff Vice
Sputnik Mania is a documentary on the building and launch of the world's first artificial satellite, Sputnik.  Its interesting, but there isn't a lot of video footage, so it has a lot of interviews.  It comes off more like an educational film or a book on tape.  2.5 stars.

Reprise is a Norweigian movie.  It's kind of literary and sullen.  It's an acquired taste, but the performances are really good.  3 stars.

When Jeff heard that Note by Note: The Making of Steinway was a movie about the building of a concert he naturally assumed that it would be dull, dull, dull!  My God it's dull!  It's so deadly dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and desperately dull!  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Jeff was on the edge of his futon for the entire moment.  It wasn't boring for even a moment.  4 stars.

Love Guru comes off really, really desperate.  There are no funny jokes - except for Jessica Alba's performance.  Jeff went in with really low expectations and was still disappointed.  0 stars.

Get Smart put all of the funny in the trailer.  Steve Carrell's portrayal of "Maxwell Smart" is too competent.  Instead of a bumbling comedy, the film-makers made a summer movie with lots of explosions.  It takes itself much too seriously.  The best part of the movie is Bill Murray's cameo.2 stars.

Unforgettable Quote
"My boy-love has all dried up." - Bill Allred

Last Meal
The wine pairing at Lugano's tonight will cost $100 per person.  Bill was a little taken aback by that.  He doesn't have to be; Kerry and Sue intend on treating Bill and Mrs. Bill.  Bill was really touched by the gesture.  Kerry just knows that Bill and Mrs. Bill don't get to do this kind of thing very often, and Kerry has disposable income due to his lack of children.  Kerry and Sue even paid for Doug Fabrizio when they attended a similar pairing.  Of course, Kerry and Sue expected Doug to put-out after the meal.

Gina's Sign-off
"What?  Are you dying?"