radiofromhell
08 June 2009 @ 06:41 pm
RFH - 2009-06-08  
Opening Song
"Good Things" - Reel Big Fish

Sign-off
  • "Love your enemies.  It pisses them off."

When The Queers Meet, The Heavens Weep
Yesterday Radio From Hell took a long wet-one for the Gays.  Gina showed up to The Pride Parade looking much like a homeless person.  It was raining so she wearing a X96 jacket, a cap, and big dumb sunglasses that look as if they were purchased from the D.I.  Besides wearing weather appropriate clothing, Gina still didn't bother getting out of the car.  Bill and Kerry on the other hand got out and walked for most of the parade.

Apparently the anti-gays are not quite as committed as the queers.  The gays were out in HUGE numbers, but the protesters could only manage two people.  One held a sign and the other gave the parade a big thumbs-down.

Boners (brought to you by Vietnamese food)
1. "What Are You Gonna do?  Give Me an M.U.I?":  Two drinkin' buddies in Maine were pulled over driving a riding lawn mower on their way home from a beer run.  The two were already intoxicated and the drive had a revoked driver's license.

2. "And She Didn't Even Thank Us":  A special ropes team in Connecticut was called in to recover a body on a dangerous ledge.  When they finally repelled down to the body they discovered that it was not a body, but rather a mannequin. 

3. "These Kids Drive Me to Drink":  A Salt Lake City woman was pulled over and charged with a DUI after she drove her car into several other vehicles.  Police discovered the woman's two children in the back along with half-a-bottle of vodka.

The drunk driving "mother" is Boner of the Day.

Bury Me Not...
Bill is kind of nervous about his upcoming trip with Richie into the bottom of The Grand Canyon.  It's going to be a hard hike.  Gina "Remain Seated" Barberi believes that he's being nervous for nothing.  He's in good shape, rides his bike, goes on hikes, etc.  In addition to Richie and BIll, forty-four young singles will be going on the hike as well.  Bill is sure that it will be miserable for either him or the mostly LDS singles.  Bill has a bottle of whiskey and, when he puts his mind to it, he can really fart.

Bill Frost
I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is terrible.  So is Raising the Bar with Zach Morris.  Weeds is back on Showtime.  Nurse Jackie with Mrs. Soprano is dark and worth watching.  Kathy Griffin is bitching about celebrities some more.  Food Party is a really weird soap opera with puppets.  Same with Wrong Door.  Sixteen and Pregnant is exactly what it sounds like.  Bridget's Sexiest Beaches proves that Kendra wasn't the stupidest playmate on the Playboy show.  A show that wasn't on, Reinventing Bonaduce, finales.  True Blood returns for a second season.  Pushing Daisies is gone forever, but ends with an episode about Zombies.

Neglected News
Megan Fox is changing the casting couch culture.  She won't lay on her back for a role.  Spidey Pratt is too rich and too famous to be on that celebrity survivor show.  Brimney is back in action with some topless photos.  Isn't that something?  Well, I'll be darned.

Gina's Sign-off
"Couldn't you just let it be?"


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radiofromhell
21 April 2009 @ 01:30 pm
RFH - 2009-04-21  
Episode #5160
Days until contract expiration: 345

Opening Song
"On My Way" - Billy Boy on Poison

Sign-off
  • "First Rule of the Kitchen: Hot glass looks just like cold glass."
  • "The difference between genius and insanity is that genius has its limits."

Keifer!  Keifer!  Keifer!
Keifer Sutherland (son of The Donald) was a very pleasant guest.  He was polite, gracious, intelligent, well-spoken, and happy to discuss nearly anything.  Music, rodeo, movies, TV, politics, Donald Sutherland (father of The Keifer), J&B scotch, and everything else seemed to be fair game.  He was completely unlike 90% of the celebrities that Radio From Hell are allowed to interview.  The band that he was promoting was even good enough to be immediately added to The X96 Big Ass Show following yesterday's interview.

Our Son Kyle
Attention to all of the people who used to beat up on Kyle and Punk in high school, Kyle will *not* accept you as a FaceBook friend. 

Kyle has been watching the TV show Weeds.  In one episode, two characters are talking about a piece of the anatomy, between the legs, that separates the front side from the backside.  They refer to it as a "coffee-table", or, in Gina's case, it's an ottoman.  After that show, Kyle has been very self-conscious about his "coffee-table."  It's hairy and unsightly.  As such, Kyle decided to wax his table.  It took two tries, but it wasn't nearly as painful as he hoped.  Of course, in a couple of days, Kyle's bike shorts won't be very comfortable.  After this, Bill recommended that Kyle trade in his "coffee-table" for an "occasional table" or perhaps even a hutch.  See ya!

Boners (brought to you by fries)
1. "I'll Teach You To Drive Under All Conditions":  A driving instructor in Massachusetts was stripped of his job and his license after giving a lesson whilst highly intoxicated.  He was discovered after a convenience store clerk smelled alcohol on the instructor and phoned police.

2. "Scared The Poo Out of 'im":  A teen burglar was so surprised by a Centerville police officer that he soiled himself before fleeing on foot.  Officer Chad Taylor was sitting in his personal, in the drive-way, as he spoke to another deputy on the telephone.  Through the rear-view window he saw the teen attempting to enter his wife's vehicle.  When that failed, he approached the car in which Officer Taylor sat.  As he got to the door, Taylor kicked the door open and ordered the teen to stop.  He heard....something.....then the teen turned to flee.  The would-be burglar was later found at a nearby home where a party was being held and arrested.

3. "I Put it on the Fridge as a Reminder":  A woman was charged with animal cruelty after she wrapped her boyfriend's dog in packing tape and stuck the animal upside down on the fridge.  Abby Toll was upset that her boyfriend refused to get rid of "Rex", a Shiba Inu puppy.  Rex has been removed from the house put up for adoption.

The pant-spoiling teen is Boner of the Day.


Genetically Modified Homos
Bill's FaceBook friend, Nineveh Dinha, was thinking about writing a story on genetically modified foods.  As an example, Ms. Dinha mentioned the "grapple."  Unfortunately for Ms. Dinha, the grapple is not a genetically modified food.  It's an apple with a ton of added flavorings that add a grape-like flavor.  Kerry is all in favor of genetically modified foods.  If they can get corn that grows in Africa, so people aren't starving to death, why not?  Oh, and there's a storm coming.  The wind is strong, and I am afraid of the queers.  They'll be getting married, punishing churchs, punishing doctors, and little girls will have no choice but to marry another little girl.  Look, NOM, if you have valid arguments against same-sex marriage, go ahead and make them, but don't just outright lie.  Nobody wants to force churches to marry gay folk.

A Message from Crom
"Crom only cares for how you fight, not for who or what you mate."

Neglected News
Lindsay wants to be a striper.  She's got three threats when she is sober.  The Hills is the worst show and people who watch and Tivo it are idiots.  Criss Angel is in trouble after creating a terrible, terrible show that has received nothing but terrible reviews.  He also decided to curse out Perez Hilton in front of his G-rated, family friendly audience. 

Gina's Sign-off
"We're hopin' for a gusher!"


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radiofromhell
23 February 2009 @ 01:00 pm
RFH - 2009-02-23  
Episode #5120
Days until contract expiration: 402

Yup.  Vegas.
It's The Radio From Hell Show, broadcasting live from The Sports Book in the beautiful Mandalay Bay, here in Las Vegas, Nevada!   Ok.  That's enough of that.  Bill is tired, even though he really had a quiet evening.  He went back to his room at about 1:30pm, did some work, watched the Academy Awards, then went to bed. 

Not so with Gina.  Joe wouldn't hear of it.  He took her out to dinner and then out gambling in the slot machines.  Every time Gina would win anything she would shout, "Cash out!"  What!?  No.  Joe told her to, "Let it ride, Babe."  Plus, Joe had his hand on her knee.  It was electrifying.  She couldn't resist him.  Bill wondered why Gina didn't suggest that it might be more fun for him to put other parts of his body on her knee up in the bedroom.  "Cash out!"

Cut.  Print.  Gay.
Richie hosted a little Academy Awards party in his room.  He even let his guests bring booze.  Richie had, "Heinies on ice!"  Of course, Richie and Bill's son, Dylan, had to quiet the room down so they could queer-out over Hue Gackman's musical number.  It was great!  Tony Awards Part II!

Boners (brought to you by a burger from Dick's Last Resort)
1. "You!  Dad of the Year!  Stop! ":  In an attempt to evade security whilst shoplifting from a Wal-mart, Kieth Devey knocked over his shopping cart, causing his four-month-old infant to fly out of the cart's child seat and onto it's head.  The baby received a large goose egg, but was otherwise uninjured.  The father was arrested for theft and child abuse.

2. "George Bush's Grandfather Stole Geronimo's Bones ":  The descendants of Apache chief, Geronimo, are suing Yale and The Skull and Bones society for the return of Geronimo's bones, which they claim were stolen from Fort Sill.  The suit alleges that Prescott Bush and other members of the fraternity stole the bones from the Fort when they were stationed there during World War I.

3. "Your Pot Tastes Like Crap":  During a raid of his house, a Delaware man attempted to hide his stash of marijuana in the diapers of his two infant children.  Police also found prescription drugs and other paraphernalia. 

The "Dad of the Year" is Boner of the Day.

Bill Frost
Dollhouse was given another strike as it was preempted by a tribute to Larry Miller.  Adama is about to give birth to the final cylon on Battlestar Galactica.  Apparently it is a project he's been working on in The Head.  True Beauty finales.  The Closer is sharply over.  President Obama will address Congress and the nation on Wednesday night.  Dark Days in Monkey City is like Meerkat Manor for Kerry.  Gina wants Bill Frost to watch Jockeys, but has no interest in watching it herself.  Top Chef features a goddess of a woman, who cooks.  Elvis Costello got fat on Spectacle.  Chris Issak is doing an interview show on Biography.  The Supreme Court of Comedy is full of sniglets. 

Gina's Sign-off
"I'm cashin' out."
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radiofromhell
09 June 2008 @ 07:58 pm
RFH - 2008-06-09  
Episode #4961

Sign-offs
  • What's the definition of a will?  It's a dead giveaway.
  • "I just thought you should know - I take my coffee with a little milk, two sugars and a lot less of your bull."

Manly Pride
Kerry and Bill appeared in this year's Gay Pride parade.  Gina was supposed to be there, but Joe's annual manly camping trip was more important.  Joe and his man-friend had to go on a four-hour beer-run after forgetting their beverages.  Bill thought that was pretty manly - forgetting essential supplies.  Kerry disagreed.  It would have been manly if they had remembered the beer but forgot the toothpaste. 

Regardless, Gina had to stay home with the kids and Kerry had to tell everyone he met that Gina had been kidnapped by lesbians.  Of course, he had to stop telling people that when someone took the joke too seriously.

The anti-gay protesters were out, of course.  Gina doesn't understand why they are always so angry.  They talk about God, but isn't a close relationship with God supposed to bring people joy and happiness.  No.  That's just Gina's hippie God.  Their God is the god of the Old Testament - the one who once sent hungry bears to devour children because they dared make fun of crazy ol' Elisha.  That is Kerry's all-time favorite Bible story.

Boners (brought to you by some steak)
1. "We Are Smart At West Lake High School":  The principle of a Ohio hi skool has bin embarased buy a speling eror on this years dimploma.  The error went unnotticed til the ducuments were delivered to more than 350 stoodents.

2. "Dick Dickinson and His Secret Porn Collection":  A formerly-beloved Illinois youth football coach was sentenced, last week, to six-years in prison for posession of a very large and disturbing collection of child pornography.  Police raided the home of Mr. Lindsey "Dick" Dickinson and found more than 1,300 images - many of which depicted violence against young boys.  Mr. Dickinson coached eighth-grade football for more than 36 years and volunteered as Santa Claus each December.

3. "We'll Sell This Gas When The Price Gets Really High":  A couple in Dartmouth , MS caused an apartment fire that necessitated the evacuation of 15 people.  The fire was caused when 45-gallons of gasoline, stored in plastic jugs, were ignited by the apartment's air-conditioning unit.

Dick Dickinson is Boner of the Day.

Raindrops Keep Falling My Head
On Friday, before the single-parent mixer, Gina called Bill.  Bill was on another line and asked Gina to call him back in just a minute.  Gina rebuffed, telling Bill to just call her when he was done.  When Bill called back, not 30 seconds later, he was sent right to Gina' voicemail.

Gina called right back.  "It's raining."  Thanks for the update Weather Bug.  Gina was concerned that the event would be rained out.  She wanted Bill to call "somebody."  Bill didn't need to call anyone.  If it rained, Bill and Gina would be huddling under the nearest shelter with several of their closest Friends Of the Program.  Fortunately it was just a little drizzly.  Bill grilled up some great food and everyone had a great time. 

I'm A Party Girl
Saturday night, Bill and Mrs. Bill got a babysitter and went out.  At dinner, Bill managed to say something....unnecessary.  Mrs. Bill was very unhappy, and Bill made it worse by refusing to let it go.  When the check came, Bill accidently knocked a glass of water over, right into Mrs. Bill's lap.  Perfect.  At this point, Bill just wanted to do anything to make it better.  Mrs. Bill wanted to go for a walk by herself.  Bill didn't want to let this fester, so he insisted on going with her.  They walked the entire mile to Faustina.  Gina was astounded!  A whole mile!?  Yes.  A whole mile.  At Faustina's, they ordered some drinks and salads and sat out on the patio.  It was a little cold, so they started out as the only people on the patio.  Shortly thereafter, however, another couple were seated nearby.  They started talking between themselves, whilst hiding the conversation behind the menu.  Finally, it turns out that they were great Friends Of the Program.  The Blands.  They had drinks with The Blands for 45-minutes.  As they were walking home, Bill remembered that Trent Harris had invited him to a birthday celebration.  They walked to Mr. Harris' and Bill shared a copious amount of good whiskey with Ken Sanders and his beard.  The next morning, Bill wasn't really ready for The Gay Pride parade.  Fortunately, when he arrived, someone immediately handed him a cup of beer.

Gina's Sign-off
"Not Radio From Hell shawls?"
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radiofromhell
21 May 2008 @ 01:06 pm
RFH - 2008-05-21  
Episode #4949

Sign-offs
  • "I'm gonna hold my breath until I turn gay."
  • "Sorry we're late, Mom, but you know how the kids feel about old people."

Boners (brought to you by a giant can of P.B.R)
1. "I'm Sure To Win.  I Have a Lucky Feather":  Among his arsenal for the upcoming election, John McCain counts a number of valuable trinkets and and superstitions as "lucky."  The Arizona senator and Republican presidential nominee refuses to accept a salt shaker passed from hand to hand, won't put a hat on the bed, and knocks on wood should anyone suggest that he'll win the election.  He carries a "lucky feather" as well as a number of coins that were found heads-up.  He also carries a laminated four-leaf clover in his wallet after being given the traditionally lucky gift by a supporter in Chicago.

2. "Party Down in The Governor's Mansion":  For Augie Ritter, the twenty-two year old son of Colorado Governor Bill Ritter, the pictures were a "teaching moment."  Augie Ritter was photographed sucking beer directly from a keg during his birthday party held at the Governor's mansion.  Other photos also depicted Mr. Ritter playing with an official state flag.  Invitations for the party encouraged guests to bring dates of legal age, and imparted his mother's two rules for the party; "No throwing up" and "No sexy time."  This year the mansion celebrates 100 years as the home of the Colorado Governor.

3. "Where Is That Drunk Girl?":  Police did not have to travel far to apprehend an underage drunk-driver involved in an accident with a tree.  The tree in question was on the property of the La Crosse, WI police station.  The three occupants of the car sustained minor injuries, and the driver was charged with causing injury while driving drunk.

The Augie Ritter, son of Gov. Bill Ritter is Boner of the Day.

Quick Summary
Bill has a headlight out. Gina thinks that he had better get it fixed before their trip to Zion's on Thursday! Thanks Gina! Bill actually watched an episode of American Idol. Paula and "Dawg" are just worthless turds. Simon is, at the very least, entertaining. Bill did like the singing of David Cook more than that of Utah's Native Son, David Archuletta. Archuletta sounds pretty much like Mariah Carey. Cook sings light rock-n-roll songs; kind of like Eddie Vedder with only one testicle. After last night, Gina is nervous, but excited about her drive to Zion's national park. Joe went out with his food mistress whilst Gina bathed Mohamed in the kitchen sink, listened to Jonesie scream because she had an accident, all while Festus was watching American Idol with the volume much too high! Gina may stay an extra day at Zion's so she can do nothing without the children. Ernie hudson is a good actor, and a fine looking man. Making Ghostbusters was a lotta fun. Saying the line, "That's a big Twinkie" was a lotta fun. Making The Hand That Rocks The Cradle was a lotta fun. The new Ghostbusters video game was a lotta fun. Provo Councilman Steve Turdley is a white elephant. Gina wants a Baja Fresh. Wasn't she supposed to call Impact guns abouteiruidssalsdkfj. Nevermind. Kerry's new favorite chocolate is shaped like a body part. He can't reveal what body part, but it's not a starfish. Really, to properly announce it, Kerry should use a rim-shot. Gina is pretty g_____d sure she isn't comfortable with this discussion. Kerry feels that the chocolates should be distributed in little tissue boxes during the Gay Pride Parade - on a highway provided by Hersey.

Gina's Sign-off
"Weren't we gonna get a concealed carry permit?"
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radiofromhell
16 May 2008 @ 12:47 pm
RFH - 2008-05-16  
Episode #4946

Boners (brought to you by a tuna & caper pasta)
1. "I Didn't Think He'd Drink It":  A car mechanic plead guilty to spraying brake cleaner into the drink of a co-worker on Thursday.  Phillip Todd claimed that he simply wanted to see if there was a chemical reaction between the cleaner and the sports drink.  The co-worker became extremely ill after drinking from the bottle, and later phoned police.

2. "Now Go In There And Unplug It":  An elementary school teacher has been accused of forcing one of her students to unclog a toilet with his bare hand.  Julie Landry allegedly forced a seven-year old boy, who admitted to clogging the toilet, to reach in and remove the blockage.  The next day, students were overheard taunting the boy with calls of "S...y Hands!"  Ms. Landry was arrested and charged with cruelty to a juvenile.

3. "That Sith Lord Gave Me a Headache":  A drunken "Darth Vader" was spared jail time after he admitted to attacking two "Jedi" who were filming their sword-play during a meeting of their "Jedi Faith Church" in a local park.  An intoxicated Arwel Hughes continuously referred to himself as "Darth Vader" before hitting one of the Jedi in the back of the head with a crutch.

The school teacher is Boner of the Day.

Quick Summary
Now that California has legalized same-sex weddings, Bill has been forced to become a homosexual.  Sue is glad that Kerry is next as she has always wanted a gay-friend who enjoyed purses as much as she.  Margaret Ruth wants you to do it like a big girl.  Use a magnum and write your girlfriend a "Dear Vile Whore" letter.  You're name isn't Edna, so don't act like it.  Athletes and theater nerds are natures' enemies, just like bears and sharks.  You'll be married within the next 10 years.  The Mormons have finally found Kerry.  Stake President Gary S. Crocker mailed Kerry an invitation to attend a conference on humility.  The Mormons were not so subtle with Bill; they came right to his house.  Bill shook both of their hands and informed them that he's had enough discussions, but they could come back on Saturday to do his yard work.  Richie discovered that he really isn't the kind of man for fancy food and he doesn't really understand valet parking.

Boner of the Week
Dave "The Best Utahn" "Survived a Car Accident" Matson chose today's Boner as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
"I sucked really hard to get the tapioca out."
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radiofromhell
23 April 2008 @ 01:11 pm
RFH - 2008-04-23  

Episode #4929

Opening Song
"Lotion" - Greenskeeper

All Aboard
The train always runs through the most interesting parts of town. Gina wondered if Bill felt as if he was Europe while riding the UTA FrontRunner train. At first Bill dismissed Gina with his usual ire, but then remembered seeing a man sitting out on a log while burning trash... It did kind of feel like Europe. Bill considers the FrontRunner train to be Utah's next baby-step to mass transit. Fortunately the legislature still has enough fore-sight to support the Legacy highway and that new-fangled invention, the automobile.

Catholic Outreach
Apparently the Catholic kids don't like Radio From Hell. They spend all their time listening to Mariah Carey and The Jonas Brothers on KZIT. Bill proposed that Radio From Hell perform at a Judge Memorial High School Pep Rally, but Catholic F.O.P Katie informs Bill that the principal has done away with rallies. The prudish principal has also decided that catholic school girls will no longer be allowed to wear skirts to school. What is this world coming to?

Boners
1. "I Didn't Man Nothing By It": The pastor of a small local church in South Carolina is facing criticism after posting a sign outside his church which read, "Obama Osama / Humm / Are They Brothers." Pastor Robert Byrd dismisses the controversy as unnecessary. He wasn't trying to make a political or racist statement; just make people think. Pastor Byrd has heard that Obama attends a Christian church but, ""God loves us all, but what if we get someone in the White House who happened to be Muslim?"

2. "Wienie Snatchers": Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected "sorcerers" who are accused of using "black magic" to steal or shrink the penises of 14 victims.

3. "Get Momma's Gun": A West Valley woman has been charged with with several misdemeanors after allegedly teaching her 12-year-old daughter to wield a handgun. The woman taught the girl after neighbors complained that her children were hurling sticks and racial slurs at other children in the neighborhood. During a confrontation the woman told her daughter to fetch the .45 caliber hand-gun. The daughter went in the house, returned with the weapon, and pointed it at the five neighbors. The woman has been charged on threatening with a dangerous weapon in a fight or quarrel, carrying a concealed dangerous weapon, and providing a handgun to a minor and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

The gun toting woman and her daughter are Boners of the Day.

Cast Out The Beam From Thy Own Eye
Richie and Artie have been giving Bill no end of crap with regards to his little red basket. Kerry, Bill, and Gina have to have some method to carry their work-papers into and out of the studio each day. Bill used to have a leather satchel, but the basket keeps things more neatly and easier to find. Richie and Artie think that the basket is a little queer. Bill wondered exactly how the singing, dancing, Tony Award watching Richie T. Experience could criticize a basket for being too "gay."

While on the train yesterday, Booster quietly related an anecdote to Bill. Apparently Booster, who is extremely good looking, went to Richie and asked if he would like to make-out. Richie asked her to wait while he watched a clip from the musical, Wicked, on YouTube. Apparently Booster was less than loving for the rest of the evening.

Your List of Things That Must Go
When you quit a job, don't send out a cheesy farewell message. Those that know you will say goodbye. Those that don't, won't care. If you still HAVE to send out a farewell message, don't rip off Frank Sinatra and Paul Anka. While waiting for a service, please don't' stomp around impatiently while jingling the contents of your pockets. It won't get you service any faster and just irritates everyone else. Olive Garden leftovers that ooze out of the take-out container onto the floor of your car. Cellphones that burst into a million pieces when dropping them onto carpet. Dirty men who crap in the women's bathroom. Tellers who give back $10 in change with $1 coins and $2 bills. Smokers who owe you money but still have enough spare cash for smokes. Fat doctors who tell you to lose weight. Mucus, grime, or germs being represented by cartoons. Slender women who refuse a piece of their own birthday cake. Using the elevator for one floor. Fat people who wear any of the following: bikinis, tank tops, tube tops, low rider jeans, or anything skin-tight. People who send in rants by famous comedians like George Carlin, Bill Maher, or Lewis Black for Things That Must Go. A breathalyzer at a party. No birthday sex. Perfume counter clerks who give you a sample of a perfume but then inform you that the perfume has been discontinued. News people who try and get you to go to their blog. Had butter. Your boyfriend's mother who takes too many anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, muscle-relaxers, and alcohol, or your boyfriend's mother who doesn't take enough anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, muscle-relaxers, and alcohol. People who don't understand the irony of "Thanks for letting me listen."

Therapy
Kerry has a therapy session today. He's not sure what to talk about. Everything is going pretty well. The medications seem to be doing their job. Not all therapists are very good. Bill saw a therapist in graduate school who pulled out a mattress and told Bill to lie down and throw a tantrum. At that, Bill told the therapist he'd see him later. One of Kerry's therapists tried to get him to go through some hypnosis and regression bullsock. Richie has been to a therapist a couple of times. The first was because his parents were getting a divorce and he had some anger issues. The second time he went they clamped batteries to his genitals and convinced him that he hated little red baskets. Gina has only been to a therapist once. It was a marriage counselor who tried to hypnotize Gina. Gina just laid there and faked it because she felt guilty. Bill supposed that Gina may have actually discovered the problem in her first marriage.

Neglected News
Keno Reeves, son of Christopher and George, likes to spend time in a hyperbaric chamber. Hannah Montana is writing her autobiography. So far she has, "I remember the bread we had that one time. It was tasty. I think I saw a horsey!" Larry King is the first place people go after getting a hummer from a transsexual hooker.

Kids are Super-Good Fun
While driving up Immigration Canyon for breakfast, Gina suddenly realized that they would be driving past the zoo. If Jonesie were to see the zoo, she'd really, *really*, REALLY want to go. Gina was a good mother and distracted her daughter by pointing out good ol' Uncle Brigham on the other side of the road. Kerry suggested that Gina fashion some kind of hoods for her children and make a game of it; The Hood Game! Time to put on your hoods! Yeaaahhhh!!!

Gina's Sign Off
"They're sharp and dirty."

Bill's Kitchen Tips
Soft-boiled eggs take about five minutes.

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