Episode #5082
Days until contract expiration: 472

Sexy Photo
Today, Bill brought in his sexy photo for The Festival of Tree.  It is mostly has he had previously described; Bill sitting on the can in a public stall, smoking a cigarette, and flashing the peace sign.  Unfortunately, there is more of Bill visible than he had previously believed.  Gina needs some steel wool to scrape that image off the surface of her brain.  It doesn't show the whole thing, but part of Bill's "junk" is certainly visible.  It's going to take a very, very large piece of rick-rack to censor the image for the tree.

Boners (brought to you by Julie's Xmas Burritos.
1. "How Much Bail Money Do I Need to Print? ":  A New York court set bail for Jean Etienne at $200.  Mr. Etienne went to the front desk to settle the amount and paid the bill with two $100 bills.  Unforunately for Mr. Etienne, the officer noticed that the bills did not possess a security strip, and that they were both printed with the identical serial number.  Mr. Etienne was detained until handed over to The Secret Service.

2. "How'd Ya Find Me?":  When a 14-year-old girl awoke to find a strange man standing in her bedroom, she immediately began screaming.  The man quickly fled the scene.  Police found that tracking him down was a fairly minor matter as he had left behind his photo ID, complete with his current address.

3. "I Think Somebody Is Trying to Steal Our Car?":  Three teenagers were arrested after allegedly attemping to steal an undercover police vehicle while the police were still in it.  Police had spotted the three repeatedly looking into parked cars and followed the teens to a local apartment building where they parked and hid inside the vehicle.  The three approached the vehicle carrying a flashligh, a screwdriver, and a small block of concrete.  Just before the windows were broken, the officers emerged from the vehicle and arrested the would-be thieves.

The car-thieves are Boners of the Day


Bill Frost
Frost is frequently asked to pimp for reality show whores.  Enjoy a new Muppet Xmas special.  Nathan lane will talk to a bear.  Million Dollar Password will be hosted by Regis.  Testes is funny, and Kerry is sorry for liking it, but it's funny, but gross, but funny, and gross, but funny.  Rock of Love: Charm School will crown their Queen Skank. Dexter is over, cancel Showtime.  Keep or resubscribe to HBO for Flight of the Conchords and Big Love.  Glenn Beck is a stunning anti-intellectual asshat.

What Now
Gina's day peaked early.  She managed to score the parking stall right next to the door, and right next to the nearly-unused handicapped stall.  Now she can just cruise through the rest of the day.  That is, unless someone were to say something to bring her down.

Wanna Hear The Most Annoying Sound in the World?
Whilst at a family Xmas party at the home of his ex-wife, Bill was talking to Julie, of Julie's Xmas Burritos.  Julie wakes up to The Radio From Hell show every morning.  The only thing that can drag Julie into the realm of the living is the irritating and annoying voice of Gina Barberi.  Nothing wakes her up or gets her out of bed faster.

Neglected News
Tara Reid loves the Dom Perignon - by the bottle.  Michael Jackson is an inappropriate maggot zorro.  Axl Rose is Michael's crazy maggot brother. 

Sounds Like an Afternoon
Kerry spent Saturday in his living room watching cars as they tried to go up the hill in the snow.  One guy in a BMW roadster just didn't get it.  He tried and tried and tried again.  On his last attempt he managed to get half-way up before rolling back, spinning and nearly, Nearly, NEARLY smashing into a rock wall.  Kerry was very disappointed.

Gina's Sign-off
"Pecan sandies."

RFH - 2008-12-05

Episode #5076
Days until contract expiration: 482

Sign-offs

• "I didn't hit you, I high-fived your face."
• "Don't hit your kids.  No really, they have guns."

Brick House
In Ogden for Thanksgiving, Little Bill, Little Mrs. Bill, and an older cousin were all outside playing.  A neighbor boy began throwing apples at Little Bill.  The older cousin told the boy that if he didn't stop he would smack the boy in the head.  A moment later, Little Mrs. Bill appeared next to the cousin and asked, "Do you wanna use this?" and handed him a brick.

Paging Dr. Barberi
Gina enjoys being the wife of a Doctor.  She gets catalogs addressed to "Dr. and Mrs. Jones."  Gina would like to receive more invitations addressed to "Dr. and Mrs. Jones."  Not that Gina will go to any of these events, but she just likes to see it printed.

One catalog sent to The Historical House of Horror features a magnificent miniature biological enclosure for $89.  It featured algae, and sea grass, and brine shrimp...   Sea Monkeys.  They were charging $89 for Sea Monkeys.  Of course, they were also selling a "Wishing Stone" - a rock with "WISH" printed on it.

Xmas Bonus
Richie nearly lost his Xmas bonus this year.  Kerry and Bill threatened to withhold it unless Richie found and returned the "Hall & Oates" photo.  Kerry wanted to destroy it, but the photo techinically belonged to Bill.  Bill suggested they entrust the photo to Ed Brass in a kind of death pact.  Should Bill die first, the image would become property of Kerry and Kerry could destroy it.  If, however, Kerry were to go first, the photo would return to Bill and BIll could do what he wanted with it.  If both died simultaneously, Ed could just release the photo - because, who cares at that point?

Unfortnately none of this really matters because Richie made a copy of the photo on the scanner.

Boners
1.   "Stand Back!  Let me Taste That!":  When a jar of coins arrived in a Cyprus Credit Union, sprinkled with a white powder, a credit union teller unwisely used her tounge to test the substance.  An analysis of the powder revealed it to be baby laxative.

2. "The Dumper was Dumped":  A woman in Allentown, PA is suing a sports bar after the toilet seat she was sitting on broke, leaving her stuck in the toilet for 20 minutes.

3. "Well you didn't have a special lane marked 'crowning' ":  Making the thirty mile drive to a hospital to deliver their baby, a Massachusetts couple became jammed in rush-hour traffic.  With her contractions becoming more regular, the husband pulled into the breakdown lane and proceeded until he came across a state trooper vehicle also occupying the lane.  When the man got out and expressed the situation to the trooper, the trooper denied his request to continue using the lane and issued a $100 ticket.  Fortunately the couple still managed to make it to the hospital with time to spare.

The baby-hating state trooper is Boner of the Day.

Festival of Nudity
As has become tradition, Radio From Hell will auction off a small Xmas tree in the Radio From Hell Festival of Tree.  Kerry's wife made the first ornament; a picture of Kerry, passed out, naked, lying on his stomach.  The image is surrounded by various decorations that Sue added.  Kerry isn't really embarrassed.  It's just his butt, and he has the ass of a cabbage patch doll. 

Following Kerry's lead, Bill may provide Sue with an image of himself on the toilet, smoking a cigarette, and flashing a peace sign.  The image was taken by a friend who just opened the stall door as Bill was having a constitutional.

Gina, on the other hand, has no such images to provide.  Her first husband tried desperately to get some sexy pictures of Gina.  He even went so far as to find a guy who would come on over to the house and take the pictures.  Gina, of course, completely refused.  Now, however, Gina feels bad that she didn't go through with it.  Not for The Pirate, but at the time she looked really good and she would have had some good pictures to share with Joe.  In fact, she's kind of mad about the whole thing.

Neglected News
Madrona made a booty call, but went bananners, then fell and broke her hip.  Shakira is tiny.  So tiny.  With nice hips.  Boy George is guilty of hurting someone and making them cry.  Mike Pflips' new girlfriend turned down Playboy because she's not that kind of girl.

Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson picked, "We're Just Trying to Make Work Fun" as Boner of the Week.