Episode #5152
Days until contract expiration: 357
Opening Song
"Roots Radicals" - Rancid
Sign-offs
Sweet Dreams
Last night, Bill had a disturbing dream about Richie. Richie was upset and complaining that, "I just can't do it anymore." Bill got pissed and yelled, "Then quit!" then told Richie that he could consider himself fired. Then Bill found himself wondering if Richie ever got tired of being so nice and being taken advantage of - like in his recent drunken girl vomit story. Richie gets asked to do all kinds of things because people know he'll do it and won't say, "No." It does get a little wearing on Richie. About every four to six months Richie has to climb over and hide behind his wall for a bit.
Cult of Personality
Gina wishes that they hadn't done the TV yesterday; she looked as if she weighed 500lbs. Bill comforted Gina, informing her that the camera visually adds at least 10lbs. of weight.
Bryan Woolley, the chef of KUTV, apparently does not know the difference between chicken fried steak and chicken fried chicken. The first, is mad with steak, the latter is made with chicken. Mr. Woolley made chicken fried chicken, but repeatedly referred to it as chicken fried chicken. Unfortunately, Gina ruined the show. She was in charge of breading the flattened chicken breasts and Bill was in charge of frying them. Gina put way, way too much flour on the meat, which burnt in the pan. Gina tried to pass the mistake off on Bill as he should have noticed the extra breading and knocked it off. Bill's only mistake was letting Gina help cook.
Boners (brought to you by a pot-sticker salad)
1. "I Love Tofu": The Colorado DMV has rejected a request from a vegan who wished to evangelize her love of tofu with her vanity license plate. Officials of the DMV claimed that "ILVTOFU" could be misinterpreted as something offensive.
2. "I Didn't Get No Extra Shrimp in There": A Texas woman called 911 when she didn't get as much shrimp in her order of fried rice as she felt was deserved. The restaurant refused to issue a refund to the woman, who left before police arrived.
3. "Fart Again and I'll Stab Ya!": A Waco man was stabbed in a motel room whilst eating with a friend when he refused to control his flatulence. The "friend" warned the man to stop expelling his flatus. When he did not, his associate threw a kitchen knife at him, then stabbed him in the chest for good measure. Jose Ramirez was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The victim is expected to recover.
The fart-stabber is Boner of the Day.
Ask an Exotic Animal Handler
Gina clucked and chickened out of this particular interview. The snake wrapped around Bill's neck and staring was too much for her. Bill's new accessory was an eight-foot long, 40lbs., albino Burmese python. "Whitey" eats rabbits and large rats about once per week. Snakes really don't have personalities. They have more of their only behavioral traits and conditioned reactions. If you lose a snake, look for warm places - behind the fridge, heater vents, or around dryer vents. In some countries, pythons are still hunted for food and leather.
Tarantulas can't kill you. They can bite you and cause very, very, very painful wounds. Most of the tarantulas in Utah are actually pretty docile and you're allowed to keep them as a pet - but make sure you know the time and effort it will take to keep it. Tarantulas also kick off the hairs of their abdomen, which can be irritating to the eyes and nose.
http://www.creatureencountersinc.com
Jeff Vice
The Cake Eaters is a quirky movie about a quirky Kristen Stewart who has a quirky problem and hangs out with Bruce Dern's quirky nose hair. 2 stars.
Everlasting Moments is aptly named. 131 minutes of Swedish family dysfunction.
Hannah Montana. Jeff is not a 12-year-old girl. As such, he wanted to claw his eyes out. If he were a 12-year-old girl and a fan of crappy country music, this movie would probably suit him just fine. Be warned, there is a "hoe down", which apparently results in some kind of abortion-based sub-plot. 2 stars (1 for Jeff, 3 for 12-year-old girls).
Observe and Report. The anti-Paul Blart. It's an uncomfortable movie, but Seth Rogen isn't the lovable goof-ball that he normally is. In fact, the audience can't decide whether to root for him or root for his swift demise. Anna Farris is very funny, and Ray Liotta is getting out of his shell and acting as a hard, no-nonsense cop. A disappointed 2 stars.
Neglected News
90210 smells like a litter box. Jumpym Tambermann is massaged by a heavy-ham fisted woman. Jesus is not alright with Madrona. Now she likes polo. Bill's children will not be recieving peeps or Easter baskets of any kind. Gina's children, on the other hand, will be eating chocolate eggs, peeps, and watching the Easter story on TV. Kerry was confused - which Easter story? The story about Jebus coming back. For Easter, Richie is sending two well-dressed young men to Kerry's house with a video to explain the whole story. That's fine with Kerry. He can just lift drops off the video tape. Kerry isn't really anti-religion. Religion just seems like it would take too much time, and is way too open for interpretation. There just aren't any burning bushes around to tell Kerry exactly what God is thinking. Bill doesn't know much about the burning bush, but he does have some ointment to treat it.
Days until contract expiration: 357
Opening Song
"Roots Radicals" - Rancid
Sign-offs
- "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
- "I'm gonna live forever or die trying."
Sweet Dreams
Last night, Bill had a disturbing dream about Richie. Richie was upset and complaining that, "I just can't do it anymore." Bill got pissed and yelled, "Then quit!" then told Richie that he could consider himself fired. Then Bill found himself wondering if Richie ever got tired of being so nice and being taken advantage of - like in his recent drunken girl vomit story. Richie gets asked to do all kinds of things because people know he'll do it and won't say, "No." It does get a little wearing on Richie. About every four to six months Richie has to climb over and hide behind his wall for a bit.
Cult of Personality
Gina wishes that they hadn't done the TV yesterday; she looked as if she weighed 500lbs. Bill comforted Gina, informing her that the camera visually adds at least 10lbs. of weight.
Bryan Woolley, the chef of KUTV, apparently does not know the difference between chicken fried steak and chicken fried chicken. The first, is mad with steak, the latter is made with chicken. Mr. Woolley made chicken fried chicken, but repeatedly referred to it as chicken fried chicken. Unfortunately, Gina ruined the show. She was in charge of breading the flattened chicken breasts and Bill was in charge of frying them. Gina put way, way too much flour on the meat, which burnt in the pan. Gina tried to pass the mistake off on Bill as he should have noticed the extra breading and knocked it off. Bill's only mistake was letting Gina help cook.
Boners (brought to you by a pot-sticker salad)
1. "I Love Tofu": The Colorado DMV has rejected a request from a vegan who wished to evangelize her love of tofu with her vanity license plate. Officials of the DMV claimed that "ILVTOFU" could be misinterpreted as something offensive.
2. "I Didn't Get No Extra Shrimp in There": A Texas woman called 911 when she didn't get as much shrimp in her order of fried rice as she felt was deserved. The restaurant refused to issue a refund to the woman, who left before police arrived.
3. "Fart Again and I'll Stab Ya!": A Waco man was stabbed in a motel room whilst eating with a friend when he refused to control his flatulence. The "friend" warned the man to stop expelling his flatus. When he did not, his associate threw a kitchen knife at him, then stabbed him in the chest for good measure. Jose Ramirez was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The victim is expected to recover.
The fart-stabber is Boner of the Day.
Ask an Exotic Animal Handler
Gina clucked and chickened out of this particular interview. The snake wrapped around Bill's neck and staring was too much for her. Bill's new accessory was an eight-foot long, 40lbs., albino Burmese python. "Whitey" eats rabbits and large rats about once per week. Snakes really don't have personalities. They have more of their only behavioral traits and conditioned reactions. If you lose a snake, look for warm places - behind the fridge, heater vents, or around dryer vents. In some countries, pythons are still hunted for food and leather.
Tarantulas can't kill you. They can bite you and cause very, very, very painful wounds. Most of the tarantulas in Utah are actually pretty docile and you're allowed to keep them as a pet - but make sure you know the time and effort it will take to keep it. Tarantulas also kick off the hairs of their abdomen, which can be irritating to the eyes and nose.
http://www.creatureencountersinc.com
Jeff Vice
The Cake Eaters is a quirky movie about a quirky Kristen Stewart who has a quirky problem and hangs out with Bruce Dern's quirky nose hair. 2 stars.
Everlasting Moments is aptly named. 131 minutes of Swedish family dysfunction.
Hannah Montana. Jeff is not a 12-year-old girl. As such, he wanted to claw his eyes out. If he were a 12-year-old girl and a fan of crappy country music, this movie would probably suit him just fine. Be warned, there is a "hoe down", which apparently results in some kind of abortion-based sub-plot. 2 stars (1 for Jeff, 3 for 12-year-old girls).
Observe and Report. The anti-Paul Blart. It's an uncomfortable movie, but Seth Rogen isn't the lovable goof-ball that he normally is. In fact, the audience can't decide whether to root for him or root for his swift demise. Anna Farris is very funny, and Ray Liotta is getting out of his shell and acting as a hard, no-nonsense cop. A disappointed 2 stars.
Neglected News
90210 smells like a litter box. Jumpym Tambermann is massaged by a heavy-ham fisted woman. Jesus is not alright with Madrona. Now she likes polo. Bill's children will not be recieving peeps or Easter baskets of any kind. Gina's children, on the other hand, will be eating chocolate eggs, peeps, and watching the Easter story on TV. Kerry was confused - which Easter story? The story about Jebus coming back. For Easter, Richie is sending two well-dressed young men to Kerry's house with a video to explain the whole story. That's fine with Kerry. He can just lift drops off the video tape. Kerry isn't really anti-religion. Religion just seems like it would take too much time, and is way too open for interpretation. There just aren't any burning bushes around to tell Kerry exactly what God is thinking. Bill doesn't know much about the burning bush, but he does have some ointment to treat it.
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