Episode #4918
Sign-offs
"In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world."
"Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never win are idiots." - Larry Kersten
Do You See The Colors Yet?
Kerry can't sleep normally. As such, his physician decided to give him a prescription for Lunesta. Gina helpfully quipped that Lunesta has the butterfly. Thank you Gina. You're smart and beautiful. Kerry's doctor can write a prescription for 30 pills, but Kerry's insurance will only allow 15 - which means that Kerry isn't sleeping. Thank God for giving this country the best health care system that has ever existed!
Boners (brought to you by chicken piccata)
1. "When Elderly Canadian Women Are Allowed To Cross The Border Freely, The Terrorists Win": A 96-year-old man had to return to Provo without his 73-year-old newlywed Canadian bride after U.S. border officials refused to allow her entry into the country. Apparently the woman hadn't filled out proper paperwork and was detained at the border.
2. "He Took My Money, Said, 'Da-la-da-da-da,' And I Didn't Get My Little Blues": A Utah County man intended to buy 27 Oxycontin pills for $1,300 from a dealer in a Springville Wal-Mart parking lot. The man handed over the money, and the dealer indicated that he had to get the drugs from an associate inside the store. When the man vanished with his money and the drugs, the deal-maker phoned police to complain about the theft. He was promptly arrested.
3. "Honey? Blow Into This For Mommy": A woman will be jailed for up to eight-years after her seventh drunk driving offense. The latest charges stemmed from an incident in which she was driving drunk with three children in her pick-up truck. The vehicle had been equipped with a breathalyser ignition lock to prevent drunk driving. The woman, however, had her nine-year-old son blow into the device in order to enable the ignition.
The drunk-driving mother is Boner of the Day.
The Gift of Disgust
Someone was kind enough to send Gina a gift - a life-size cardboard cut-out of Zach Effron. Bill was kind enough to point out that the image of her singing, dancing, 19-year-old, gay boy-friend had a remarkable resemblance to her son, Festus. Kerry agreed.
Apparently Gina's cougar-like appetite has been spoiled for now.
Delightful Erotic Universe
This past weekend, Bill performed in a sex-scene for Trent Harris' movie, Delightful Water Universe. It wasn't a standard sex-scene because, you know, that Trent Harris is kinda weird. It had a interpretive-dance kind of quality to it. Bill was in his t-shirt and boxers, and the woman was in a see-through, light, flowing outfit over her bra and underpants. There was some hoola-hooping, a spinning chair, and some physical illness involved.
Mr. Harris called to tell Bill that he had cut-together the footage from the weekend and it looked great! Bill indicated that it probably looked pretty silly. No, no. According to Mr. Harris, parts of it are pretty erotic! Though, the hoola hooping may have been a bit silly.
Neglected News
The Salt Lake City Weekly need to resume it's pre-best-of drinking schedule and refrain from the booze until at least 4:30pm. Brett Michaels has the 'betes, and a smelly bandana. Gina sleeps on a satin pillow-case to avoid wrinkles. No word on whether she possesses a satin doughnut-cushion.
Gina's Sign-off
"Don't we end the show at ten?"