Episode #5184
Days until contract expiration: 310

Sign-offs

• The best way to avoid throwing the baby out with the bath-water is to stop changing the bath-water.

• Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

That's All Folks
Radio From Hell has been fired.  Kerry came in this morning, his security card wouldn't open the door.  Gina's card?  Also, wouldn't open the door.  Bill's?  Nope.  It's all over.  It must be.  Management probably ordered their cards to be deactivated next Monday, after the X96 Maverick Big Ass Show, and somebody screwed it up.  No one else in the office had any problems.  Fortunately one of the three big-bosses phoned Richie to let him know that it was just a mistake. 

Punk
Punk didn't have a movie review this week; he was in Japan with F.O.P Chad Bramble.  Gina was curious as to how Punk, who eats even worse that Gina, could possibly survive in Japan.  Fortuantely, there's a McDonald's across the street and later Chad is taking Punk to Disneyland.  Punk can't wait to ride Pirates of the Caribbean in Japanese!

Boners (brought to you by a hamburger)
1. "We'll Help Ya, For a Price":  After a domestic disturbance call, Ohio police spent 11-hours searching for a man accused to breaking into a home and stealing numerous pills before fleeing.  Police attempted to use the man's cell phone signal to locate him, but a Verizon operator told police that the man had an unpaid bill and the phone would not be re-activated until the bill was paid.  After a lengthy argument, police were ready to pay the bill when they found the unconscious man. 

2. "My Soup Tastes Funny":  A father in Georgia has been sentenced to up to 100-years in prison on five counts of cruelty and two counts of assault.  In an attempt to extort money from the Campbell's Soup company, the "father" fed his children soup tainted with perscription drugs and lighter fluid.  His three-year-old son and 18-month-old daughter were hospitalized twice and face life-long respiratory problems caused by the lighter fluid.

3. "Just Get To It, Ya Pussy":  Chen Fuchao found himself in debt and was contemplating suicide whilst standing on a bridge in China for several hours.  In the end, a passerby approached Fuchao, shook his hand, and pushed him off the bridge.  Mr. Fuchao fell 26-feet into an emergency air-cushion and survived with several injuries.  The 66-year-old who pushed Mr. Fuchao claimed that he was fed up with Chen's selfish activity.

The lighter-fluid daddy is Boner of the Day.


Well, It's Affordable
Bill spend the weekend in Torrey, UT.  There was no room at the motel he usually stays in, but he finally found a room at the "Affordable Inn."  That name pretty much said it all.  It was affordable.  The Affordable Inn also included a complimentary "Aleve Outdoor Adventure Pack."  Upon opening the Adventure Pack, Bill found a granola bar, a packet of Aleve, and a "sport tampon."  Unfortunately they didn't include a "remaining seated" tampon for Gina.

If You Like Crazy Crap on the Walls
Try the Golden Loop Cafe.  It's the kind of old restaurant that would make Gina leave as soon as she opened the door.  The decorations included a lot of really poorly made redneck rick-rack; a sign that read, "Liars and hunters and fishermen meet here," and included a shotgun shell and fishing hook.  The food, however, was really good hand-made classics.  Hand-made beef patties and hand-cut french fries.  The clencher, however, were the framed pictures of various out-houses included in both the women's and the men's room.

The Family What Spits Together.
Behind Bill in The Golden Loop Cafe was a family of four waiting for their hamburgers.  The father was a big guy, heavy-set, with a big red beard.  The mom was also on the heavy side.  With them hey had a 7-year-old boy with shaved blonde hair, and a 2-year-old girl with ringlets.  Whilst waiting, the father unwrapped his straw, made little spit-wads with the paper, and began spitting them and his little girl.  When she cried, "OW!" the father told her to cover her eyes and open her mouth.  Everyone else at the table was laughing hysterically.

Remain Seated Please
When Gina goes camping, she holds it.  Not even in the trailer's bathroom.  It's a habit she picked up when she was young and The Sainted  Mary Claire didn't have a trailer.  Instead, she waits until she gets back home and can interrupt the show a few times.  Bill had a feeling that Gina was full of crap today.  Bill suggested that Gina practice using the trailer when they aren't camping.  Just tell Joe that she's got a big project to work on and amble on out to the trailer for a constitutional.

Gina and Joe took the kids up to Maple Grove on the Bear River.  Joe took the bigger kids out biking and hiking whilst Gina got to sit in the trailer watching the little kids.  She didn't even get her promised visit to the natural hot springs.  Did she complain to Joe?  Do you even listen to the show?

A Loving Teacher
Bill is looking for someone to give private swimming lessons.  Kerry's happy to do it.  He could teach Little Bill to swim in one lesson - the same one lesson that was given to him by his father.  It's pretty quick.  Kerry's dad learned it from his dad, and used on Kerry's brother just fine.  Mostly worked for Kerry too, though he still has to wear a mask.  One of Kerry's Aunt Nancy's boyfriends tried to get him over his fear of going underwater by dragging him with him down the ladder in the deep end.  That boyfriend got kicked square in the nuts.  He didn't date Aunt Nancy for very long after that.

Episode #5154
Days until contract expiration: 353

Boners
1. "Mom!  Quit Stalking Me!"  A court in Austria has convicted a mother for stalking her own son.  The 73-year-old mother was accused of calling her 49-year-old up to fifty times per day.  The woman was fined 360 euros.

2. "Here Come The Gravy":  Billy Bob Thornton gave a somewhat disturbing interview on a Canadian radio station.  Besides being upset that the radio DJ referred to Mr. Thornton's acting career, Mr. Thornton referred to his Canadian fans as mashed potatoes without the gravy.

3. "Hiiyaah!":  A Russian karate expert has been arrested on the suspicion that he beat a woman and her son to death because they infected his wife with head lice. 

4. "Visiting the Polar Bears in the Berlin Zoo":  A woman climbed a fence and a row of hedges in order to jump into a polar bear enclosure during feeding time.  The woman was bitten several times before finally being pulled from the pit by zookeepers.


The karate expert is Boner of the Day.


Bill Frost
Bones is now on twice a week to make up for American Karaoke interruptions.  The Cougar debuts tonight.  Parks and Recreation may be funny.  Give it a chance.  The Office and 30 Rock started slow too.  The people on Prison Break are still breaking from prison.  The Rock of Gonorrhea Bus is done.  Oddly enough, the rock star picked the porn star.  See the Utah slut on the reunion show.

Too Close
Kerry is done joking about Gina B. and Richie T.  It's too close for comfort.  Management doesn't really care for Kerry and won't see past the potential savings in salary.  Kerry needs to to stop giving management good ideas and start feeding them disinformation, like investing more money into the sports station.

I Learned From Watching You
This weekend, Gina and Jonesie attended an Easter egg hunt.  During the event, Jonesie informed Gina that she needed to go potty.  There was no potty around.  Gina told Jonesie that she would have to go outside.  "You can't do that!  How does it work!"  Gina informed her little one that it would be just fine.  They found some bushes and Gina showed Jonesie how to pee outside.  After she was finished, Jonesie proclaimed, "That was so fun!" 

Gina's Sign-off
"Suck it Cleveland."

Episode #5153
Days until contract expiration: 356

The First One is Free
This morning's program began in the absence of Kerry who made an unexpected trip to California (likely to help Drew hide a body).  Early listeners were treated to the first taste of Radio From Hell: With Richie T. and Gina B. as Gina and Richie argued over who had a cell phone with the correct time.  Gina's said it was 6:10am while Richie's said 6:07am.  Only 356 more days until the "Chronometer Crisis Commencement" becomes a regular feature.

Boners (brought to you by brown food)
1. "Where's My Phone":  A man and a juvenile were charged with robbery after the juvenile's phone was left behind in one of the many cars the pair visited during an all night car theft spree.

2. "Rob a Liquor Store.  Boo Hoo!"  A New Jersey man who attempted to rob a liquor store was discovered weeping when police arrived to find him locked into the store by the store's owner.  The man had tried to snatch a bottle of cognac, but was stopped by the owner who locked the door.  The man then pulled a gun and demanded to be freed, but the gun was obviously fake and the owner refused.  The would-be thief then slumped to the floor in tears.

3. "Damned Asian Names":  Republican Texas state representative, Betty Brown, suggested during house testimony that Asian's should change their names in order to make them easier for "American's" to deal with.  After initially dismissing calls for an apology as being a plot by Democrats to make this a racial issue, Ms. Brown has apologized.

Betty Brown, with her simple American name, is Boner of the Day.


Too Cute
When Bill informed Little Mrs. Bill that she would have a babysitter for the evening, Little Mrs. Bill asked who would be doing the honors.  Bill informed his young daughter that she had not yet met the babysitter.  That seemed acceptable to Little Mrs. Bill who replied, "That's OK.  I warm up to people quickly."

Margaret Ruth
Try not to smother your boyfriend with pillows, blankets, plastic bags, or text messages.  If your boyfriend is too damaged to be with anyone, it's probably because you aren't putting out.  Even Mormon girls have to put out a little.  Living abroad has nothing to do with an adequate F.O.P's travel itch.  If you're not having sex now, marriage won't make it better, nor will it hurt.  Lose some weight and hop back in the saddle.  You'll be married or itchy within the next ten years.

Lookin' Up The Old Address
Next Tuesday, Bill will be having his third colonoscopy.  For three days prior to the event, Bill can't eat any leafy vegetables, or celery, or seeds, or nuts.  Monday night, bill has to get himself a good book and drink the gallon of "bowel prep."  Apparently he will not be leaving the bathroom for at least an hour.  Gina suggested that he should get a cooler with the bowel prep beverage, sit down on the couch, and use this opportunity to re-watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies.  Um...  That might work except that Bill will need some kind of bowl into which he can evacuate the bowel prep.  It might not be the most sanitary or enjoyable experience for the rest of the Allred family. 

Little Bill: "What's Dad doin'?"
Mrs. Bill:  "He's watching Lord of the Rings and cleaning out his bowels."
Little Mrs. Bill:  "We're not going to make pancakes in that bowl again."

Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson chose today's Boner as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
"Yes, we're done."




 

Episode #5146
Days until contract expiration: 365

Opening Song
"Pressure Drop" - The Specials

This is It
One year from today, on April 1, 2010, Radio From Hell's contract will expire.  They were discussing an extension with management a few months ago, but since then the economy has gone in the toilet and they haven't heard anything since.  Kerry is too much trouble, and between he and Bill, much too expensive. Simmon's will keep Gina because she'll work for half-price and she never causes trouble.  In fact, Simmon's has started already.  They hung a big banner out in front of the offices and only Gina's face is on it.  Prepare for Radio From Hell with Gina B. and The Richie T. Experience.

Boners
1. "Honey?  You Wanna Shot?" or "After Pin The Tail on The Donkey, We're Doing Shots! ":  Karen Christine Downs and Kelsee Guest face child endangerment charges after they provided alcohol to several teen girls at a party and offered to pay $10 to whoever could chug a glass of vodka the fastest.  Two girls ended up in the hospital.

2. "You Know How Fast That Stool Was Going?":  After 15 beers, Kile Wygle crashed his lawn-mower engine powered bar-stool.  Mr. Wygle claimed that the stool had a top speed of 38-miles-per-hour.  He has been charged with a DUI.

3. "Come on!  Gimme a Shot! ":  An Ohio man has been charged with filing a false report after authorities discovered that Eric B. Fortune Jr. goaded his brother into shooting him in the leg.  Mr. Fortune claimed that he wanted to know what it felt like to be shot.  After the incident, however, Mr. Fortune told police that he was shot in the leg by an unknown assailant.

The partying mothers are Boners of the Day.

Things That Must Go
Bill

• "...but yeah, no..."
• "I know, yeah, huh..."
• "Damn betcha."
• "Schweet."
• "Schorry."
• "Let's blow this cheap popcorn stand."
• Jelly jiggling of any kind.

Gina

• Shauna Lake's "Healthy Living Report" about a home spa day.
• Honorary degrees.
• Performance artists who sign guitars but aren't known for playing the guitar.

Kerry

• Media praising other media about their tired, hack, boring April Fool's Day gags.
• Elevator stank.  Clean the mats and stop wearing cologne.
• Bollywood.
• Bollywood musical numbers.
• "Tweet."
• Poking on FaceBook
• Alligators.

Gina's Sign-off
"One nice green leaf."

Episode #5126
Days until contract expiration: 393

Sign-offs

• "Whoa.  This guy's straight?"
• "So, I put two and two together and decided, you're pissing me off."

Fork Me
Radio From Hell Producer, Richard Steadman, shared a touching personal story with Bill this morning.  Richie's father used to help Richie untie the knots from his pajamas.  Richie would call out, "Daddy!  Get the fork!"  Fork?  Yeah...  they needed a sharp instrument to get the knot undone.  Bill and Gina were a little shocked that Richie and his father would allow such near the groin area.  Richie observed that forks were not "that sharp."  Perhaps not, but they are sharp enough.  Take your one testicle and fly back to your cage.

Unforgettable Quote
"You ever had a fork to the groin?" - Gina Barberi

Unforgettable Quote #2
"Then you have never been forked in the testicle, like I have." - Bill Allred

The Radio From Hell Show with Richie T. and Gina B
In 393 days, April 1, 2010, the audience will likely be treated to a new radio show.  The name will remain the same, but Kerry and Bill will no longer be associated with Simmon's Media or KXRK.  Management will keep Gina on because she's cheap and inexpensive and she doesn't rock the boat.  Plus, there's part of Gina that will absolutely love Karaoke Friday.  Each show will begin with an opening prayer, a new parody song, and then some soft news about Lost, American Karaoke, or Denise Richards:  It's Complicated.  After some stunt boy antics and a few more parody songs, the show will end with Richie bearing his testimony and giving the audience some daily affirmations.  Enjoy!

Boners (brought to you by grilled pork loin)
1. "Hey!  I'm an Independent Film Maker ":  South Salt Lake City police arrested a man seen around an apartment building carrying a video recorder.  After police viewed the video tape and surmised that the man had recorded a woman undressing, the man began to offer a myriad of exuses for his behavior.  He was arrested.

2. "A McNugget Emergency":  A Florida woman ordered and paid for a ten piece package of chicken nuggets from a McDonald's restaurant, but was told that the restaurant had run out of the nuggets and would replace the meal with something of comparable value.  When the woman refused the offer and asked for a refund, employees told her that all sales were final.  The woman then called 911, three times.  Though police agreed that she should have been given a refund, she was arrested and charged with misuse of 911.

3. "Congratulations, Your Fiance is an Idiot ":  Proposing to Kaitlin Whipple, Reed Harris hid the engagement ring in a frosty.  He then challenged his fiance to a frosty eating race.  The result was not as intended as Ms. Whipple quickly gulped down and finished her entire frosty - including the ring.  Apparently the ring re-appeared sometime later.

The McNugget Emergency is Boner of the Day.

Things That Must Go
Bill

• If a cop can take a free cup of coffee, why can't Bill?
• The annoying overly sensitive severe weather alert on Bill's computer.
• The excessive diversity between messaging systems on Facebook.

Gina

• The Bachelor and The Sainted Mary Claire's obession with it.
• Li'l Mohamed's high pitched, piercing, unreachable octave, Mariah Carey-like scream all day long.
• "Parkin' the truck."

Kerry

• Characters in TV shows or movies without any curiosity, who just accept vague explanations and don't ask questions.
• Single-sided curtains.
• Referring to *that* show as HSM or HSM3.
• Girls in charge of the thermostat.
• Southern California girls in charge of the thermostat.
• Stores with only one checkout stand open.
• Standing in the only checkout stand with only three times behind two other women with carts full of playsets.
• The clerk at the only checkout stand who has the following conversation with the two women:
  • "You wanna.......charge one......on this card?   Then you.......wanna write a check......for this other thing?  You know....we don't....take....checks."

Gina's Sign-off
"I'm bringin' change."

RFH - 2009-02-19

Episode #5118
Days until contract expiration: 406

Opening Song
"1985" - Bowling for Soup

Sign-off
"Sleep is an excellent way to listen to an opera."

All Flushed Out
Gina looks as if she's going out to the deer hunt.  She's wearing her red sweater, her jeans, and her sneakers.  Gina's sick.  She's got a really nasty sinus congestion.  She wouldn't feel that way if she used a nettie pot like Bill does.  Bill uses the nettie pot twice a day; half as many times as he has sex.  It keeps him cleaned out and flowing.  Bill tried Mark Van Wagoner's crazy sesame seed oil nettie flush, but that was just disgusting.  Bill apparently has less need to lubricate his nasal folds.

Nervous
The contract countdown is going a little to fast for Kerry.  Gina will get nervous when it hits 300.  For Bill, it can't go fast enough.  He's curious as to what will happen on the other side.  It's like death!  Bill wants to see whats on the other side of the veil.  Gina  proposes that Bill may not get to see what is on the other side.  Oh, Gina of little faith.  Richie already has all Bill's temple work set up for rapid execution.  After all, Bill could be hit by a car on his way home tomorrow and Kerry and Gina would have to continue the countdown without him.  For now, Bill can just slack off for the rest of his life and still get to that penthouse in the sky.  Richie should really start a new business, "Cover Your Ass with Richie T."  Take a little money from the sinners to make sure their temple work gets done for them.  Richie isn't sure that the church authorities would approve of that business.  Nonsense!  Just fork over the 10% and all should be well.  "Richard Steadman: Sin Consultant."

Boners (brought to you by French country chicken and buttermilk biscuits)
1. "I'm Hot......and Bothered ":  A Minnesota woman has been charged with false imprisonment after locking a man in a room and refusing to release him until he had sex with her.  The man refused and demanded to be released from the room.  Eventually the woman became intoxicated and the man was allowed to leave.

2. "There Ain't No Towels Damnit ":  A kicker for the Pittsburgh Steelers football team was cited after he became enraged when the bathroom towel dispenser at a convenience store was empty.  Jeff Reed destroyed the dispenser then began to verbally abuse the store clerk.

3. "My Class Paper is Called, 'A Painful Afternoon' "  A thirty-six-year-old father was charged with child abuse after his nine-year-old son turned in a school paper entitled, "The Painful Afternoon My Dad Shot Me With a BB Gun."  The boy's teacher turned the paper over to authorities who confronted the father.  The father claimed that he shot the boy when he didn't move fast enough when blocking the television.

The BB shootin' dad is Boner of the Day.

Ask an Adult Novelty Store Employee
F.O.P, Dawn, works at The Black Velvet store in Clearfield, UT.  She started working for the store when it was located in Green River, WY.  There they sold mostly tanning, lingerie, and wedding dresses, along with a few adult novelties.  Now, the tanning beds have been sold, and business in the "hotel porn" that is allowable for sale in Utah is booming.  The store can also sell explicit "educational" videos.  No one knows exactly who or what determines a video's educational merit.  Gina suggested that it might be a lack of plot, but that would mean that Pretty Woman was educational.  When visiting an adult novelty store, don't be shy, but make sure you get home before using your new product.  In addition, do not ask Dawn or her co-workers for a demo.  You won't get a demonstration, and they'll be tempted to call their good friends at the Clearfield Police Department.  Dawn brought in a number of samples, none of which could be described over the air or shown on the webcam.  As a result, no one knows what a "panty pal" is.  Feel free to visit the store with a group of friends to giggle and discover more information.

Jeff Vice
The new Tyler Perry movie isn't being screened.  Mr. Perry is the new Ernest P. Worrell, but in drag.

Fired Up is a wacky PG-13 teen comedy about jocks sneaking into a cheerleader camp.  It wasn't screened.

Jeff's Oscar Picks
Slumdog Millionaire will probably win "Best Picture", but there is a big push for Milk.  Sean Penn will win for "Best Actor."  Heath Ledger is a shoe-in for "Best Supporting Actor."  Jeff thinks Meryl Streep will win yet again for "Best Actress."  Viola Davis will win for "Best Supporting Actress." Finally, Danny Boyle will win "Best Director."

Unforgettable Quote
"They lied to me through magic!" - Kerry Jackson

Gina's Sign-off
"Bill's gonna drill my sinuses."

Episode #4924

Opening Song
“When I Turn Off The Living Room Light” - The Kinks

Sign-off

• “I don't drink water; fish poop in it.” - (paraphrased from W.C. Fields who was quoted as saying, “I don't drink water; fish f*** in it.”)

• "Sex in America is an obsession, in other parts of the world a fact." - Marlène Dietrich

Word of the Day
“semelparous” - describing an organism that reproduces only once in their lifetime, such as salmon or annual plants.

Gina is not semelparous. She has had sex four times; once to try it out and snag her husband with promises of more fishy sex. Then three times for children. Now she's done. Gina has been spayed, but she's Catholic, so she can't have sex without the promise of children. She can't trick The Lord.

Word of the Day Too
“objurgate” - to scold or rebuke sharply.

The Future
While going through his “work papers”, Bill found a proposal from management for a contract extension. They gave it to Bill in April of 2007, but haven't discussed it since. Gina thinks that maybe they should have signed it. Simmons may no longer want their services as of 2010. Bill doesn't care. He's got a $100/week gig at Utah Now. Plus, he gets $50-big-uns for each day of shooting on Trent Harris' movie. Gina has The Barberi Fortune to look forward to. Kerry is just glad that his dad pushed him to learn welding in case this “radio thing” didn't work out.

Boners (brought to you by a Vietnamese curry)
1. “I Feel Pretty! Oh, So Pretty!”: A sex-offender was spotted taking pictures of himself dressed in a woman's thong and lingerie top on his balcony.

2. “Some Pot For Every Chicken”: An Arkansas driver was arrested after police smelled marijuana and found the drug hidden in a recently purchased box of fried chicken.

3. “Your Nation Thanks You For Your Sacrifice”: After two of his brothers died in Iraq, Army SPC Jason Hubbard was forced to leave the combat zone and was discharged according to the “Sole Survivor Policy” that was introduced during World War II. When Mr. Hubbard arrived home, he found that the military had removed his pregnant wife from transitional healthcare, stopped his GI education subsidies, and wanted him to repay his sign-up bonus. Finally, Mr. Hubbard contacted his local congressman and was able to restore some of his benefits. The congressman, Rep. Devin Nuñes, is now introducing legislation that would continue benefits for soldiers discharged under the sole survivor policy.

The military's cessation of benefits for SPC Jason Hubbard is Boner of the Day.

Tales of Ogden
Bill visited his dentist in Ogden yesterday. Contrary to his fears, Bill didn't have to have his tooth pulled. His dentist threw some spackle on it and, ten minutes later, he was done.

Sandy's Fine Foods now offers “Sandy's Fine Foods From Around The World.” Spaghetti, hot-dogs, oriental chicken, taco salad, reindeer, and whale blubber.

The Days Inn used to be a Holiday Inn. Bill used to go into the Holiday Inn café to smoke cigarettes and drink a lot of coffee. That was where the police attempted to arrest Bill for possession of marijuana. Fortunately for Bill, and unfortunately for the police, he didn't have any.

Bill is a celebrated alumnus of Weber State University. About five years ago, the president of the Alumni Association called Bill and offered to take him to lunch. Bill was sure she wanted to ask him for something, but he was willing to listen. Unfortunately, she assumed that well-known radio personalities were paid enormous sums of money and were financially able to make sizable donations to the school. Bill had to educate his lunch guest regarding the reality of radio salaries. Instead, she suggested that the school add Bill's name to a list of theater and communication “resources” who could go to lunch with students and discuss the realities of professional theater and radio. In the five years his name has been on that list, only two students have called him.

Things That Must Go
Bill

• News people who read every story, no matter how happy or how sad, with the same gravitas.

• “Awesome.”

• “Way cool.”

• “Sweet.”

• “Perfect.”

• “Like, like, like.”

• “And such.”

• “What not.”

• “Yadda, yadda, yadda.”

• “Blah, blah, blah.”

Gina

• The dollar-shaped billboards with the head of the Pig Man inside.

• Empty disinfectant-wipe holders by the shopping carts.

• Ring tones.

Kerry

• People yelling at their kids from across the store. This is especially true if your child's name is Cody, Spencer, Scott, mark, Smudge, Brenden, Perry, Dixon, Dakota, Jason, Hunter, Connor, Parker, Dallas, Houston, River, Belcher, Snorkle, Turt, Corgie, Bravo, Lusitania, Croopy, Spenny, Hidalga, Schwarma, or Beef.

Neglected News
Each of the stalk-backers in the studio on Friday have to wear a pine-tree air-freshener next to the pork-chop around their neck. B.F.O.P. Dylan will start writing the blog after Atropos tragically and violently dies in a seagull and rock-salt related incident. CNN's Jack Cafferty lives in an American where China can force him to speak how they want. Hannah Montana had some kind of malfunction. Apparently her noebra was nearly exposed. Paris Hilton is a big fan of Kim Cardassian. Gary Busey is back in the news after an interview revealed that he tried to burn his name into the lawn of his dog, Scruffy.

Gina's Sign-off
“Bye!”