Episode #4848

Day 3 that Bill is without his Louisville Slugger bat from The Zone.
Day 352 that Bill is without his CTR pendant.
Day 2 that Bill is without his CTR pendant.
Day 4848 that Kerry is without his dignity.

Thank Shatner
Gina couldn't even call into the show today. Kerry and Bill were relieved. Now they don't have to listen to Gina's gestational tummy obstructing her breathing and speaking.

You're Stupid
According to The Consultant, Dr. Pavlov, if you still have a radio, you're just too stupid to figure out anything else. You're a dying breed of homosexual dinosaur.

Unforgettable Quote
"Will the blood of deaf people be spilled in the X96 studio?" - Bill Allred

Famous Mormon
Richie T. is a famous Mormon. It even says so on Famousmormons.net. The proprietor of the website, Ron Johnston, didn't have a photograph of Richie, so he just put up a cast picture from the play, "The Nerd." Oddly enough, the main character in "The Nerd" is named Rick Steadman. Richie considers it to be his theatrical fate. Atropos was able to send Mr. Johnston a different photograph; one of Richie covered in pudding along with the future Miss Utah, Jill Stevens. Richie decided not to wear his phony incisors that day as he might have lost them in the pudding.

Boners (brought to you by food from Thailand)
1. "Radio Scum Strikes Again": Former WDJX radio DJ Todd Smith, better known as Todd Kelly will spend seven years in federal prison after spending the last six years falsely claiming to suffer from Lou Gherig's disease. Todd Kelly set up a phony charity which he claimed would help provide funds to research a cure for ALS. Mr. Kelly, however, spent the donated funds on car payments, cable and phone bills, and vacations.

2. "Let's See Your License And Registration, Sucker": Former Utah state trooper will face a hearing after being arrested for impersonating a police officer. Christopher Topham, a Utah Highway Patrol trooper from 1990 to 2003, allegedly pulled over motorists while wearing his former uniform, badge, and gun. Mr. Topham would then ask for their license and registration before robbing them.

3. "I Told You, No Money For Sick Kids": President Bush has vetoed another attempt to expand the federal governments S-CHIP program by $35 billion over the next five years. The expansion would assist an additional 10 million low income children. President Bush claims that the program expansion would lure families away from private insurance.

President Bush is Boner of the Day.

Daily Diversion
Kerry would like you to look at the website http://www.kittywigs.com


"Ask a..." OR DeafWars: Episode 1
Bill met Shelly at a singles mixer - a noisy environment for Bill. Bill, who is a bit hard of hearing himself, thought that Shelly just spoke with an "interesting accent." It turns out that Shelly is deaf - or hearing impaired. She is approximately 90% deaf in her left ear and 75% in her right ear. Shelly was already speaking and reading lips by the time she was diagnosed with severe hearing problems at three-years-old. Her parents didn't even know. Shelly used to be against the cochlear implants that can provide some hearing to deaf individuals, but after her brother-in-law had one of the satellite dishes attached to his head, she feels that they can be beneficial.

Shelly can't use an alarm clock, so she has a vibrator under her mattress. Bill chose this opportunity to inform the audience that Shelly is an extremely hot deaf girl. If you're lucky enough to get Shelly's cellular phone, remember, you can only use it for texting. Shelly has only had one boyfriend in the past, and he was not deaf, nor could he sign at all. Fortunately they didn't do much talking.

Shelly thinks its fun when beginning sign-language students come up to her and try and use their limited abilities.

DeafWars: Episode II
Trenton Marsh and Flavia Fleisher are also deaf. Though Shelly speaks very well, Trenton and Flavia choose not to. For Trenton, he never really saw the benefit. His family is deaf, his friends are deaf. There was no reason to spend the hours upon hours of time it would take to learn to speak. As a result, Trenton has huge pectoral muscles and participates in the official sport of the deaf - carpal tunnel. Flavia found that speaking was not natural. Using sign-language was a much more clear and direct way of communicating without misunderstanding.

According to Trenton and Flavia, there really isn't a controversy between speaking deaf people and signing deaf people. It's kind of an imposed controversy because hearing people seem to praise vocal abilities and treat those that speak as more intelligent. Language skills can be developed equally well either vocally or though signing.

Jeff Vice
Alvin and The Chipmunks. Jeff was dreading this movie. Jeff expected to projectile vomit until nothing but bile poured out of him. Instead, he only left with a mild case of indigestion. 2 stars.

Jimmy Carter: Man from Plains is a documentary about the controversy surrounding former President Carter's book 'Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid'. It is boring. Boring, boring, boring. 2 stars.

I Am Legend is really more of a remake of The Omega Man rather than a film made from the book. The vampires in the movie suffer from poor CGI rendering, but the director really knows how to keep building the tension. It should be a fun popcorn movie. You can also see the first six minutes of The Dark Knight if you see the movie at select IMAX theaters. 2.75 stars

Atonement has Keira nightly, letters, false allegations of abuse and assault, prison, and a couple trying to get back together. 3 stars

Neglected and Celeb-u-tard News
Ike is dead and Tina wouldn't listen. Don't rub it in your face. Pamanderson plans to make money on the back-end.