Episode #5261
Days until contract expiration: 190
Edition 1034 of Atropos' blog.

...and...

Only 48 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!

Maturin
Ten cities in ten days.  Today, Radio From Hell visits Pleasant Grove, and the guardian of The Nexus, The Purple Turtle.  The Purple Turtle has been around for 43-years.  All directions in The Nexus begin at The Purple Turtle.  The Purple Turtle is famous for its fish n' chips and.  In fact, they cut up a whole 140lb. halibut just this morning.  Gina, however, will not be sampling the famous fish.  Fish is just not her thing.  What is Gina's thing?  Not having any things is her thing.

Charred Animal Flesh
Since Kerry doesn't have kids, he and Sue decided to take Gina's raving review of the pepper steak at The Oyster Bar and try it out.  It  was ok, but the ribeye was better.  No, no, no.  The tenderloin, covered in pepper, bacon, and green onions!  That's what you want!

Boners (brought to you by fish and chips)
1. "Wheeeeee!" OR "Wiiiiiiiiii!":  With guns drawn, drug investigators served a search warrant at the home of a convicted drug dealer.  Whilst searching for evidence, some officers found a Wii game console and began playing a game of Wii bowling.

2. "Oooops.  Wrong Embryo":  A fertility clinic in Ohio informed a woman who was ten days pregnant that she had been accidentally implanted with the wrong embryo.  The woman is carrying the baby to full term and will turn it over to the biological parents.

3. "Oh!  Poor Kitty":  A $1,000 reward has been offered for information leading to the arrest of an individual who "mummified" a cat in duct tape.  The cat was methodically covered all over it's body with the sticky tape and unceremoniously dumped in a woman's front yard.  The woman noticed the cat and called authorities.  The cat is recovering and seems to be in good health.

The cat taper is Boner of the Day.

The Great Beyond
Since Joe is out of town, Gina and Jonesie were watching Dancing With The Stars.  During the show, all of the men were lined up as the camera panned past each one.  As Donnie Osmond came into frame he gave a, "Hi Mom!"  Gina was confused.  She knew that Donnie's mother had passed away a number of years ago.  Gina throught that Mrs. Osmond may have faked her death.  No, not so.  Donnie just knows that The Celestial Kingdom is complete with cable TV.  That's right.  Olive Mae was sitting in paradise watching an episode of Dancing With The Stars and saying, "Hey!  Joseph Smith!  My son says, 'Hi!'"

Sleepy Time
Kerry finally completed a sleep study to ensure that he doesn't have apnea, or some other sleep disorder.  Kerry had to sleep with a computer taped to his finger.  Unfortunately, the computer needs a much longer cord for all of Kerry's tossing and turning.  He also had to fill out a form asking if he has shakes, twitches, or talking in his sleep.  Sue went ahead and filled that out for him.

Things That Must Go
Gina

• Dumb tattoos.
• The "Backroads of Montana" billboard campaign.  No one wants to be eaten by a road-traveling grizzly bear.
• "Please enjoy the music while your party is reached."  Change the music once in a while!

Bill

• KSL running promos talking about how what a great station they have whilst running clips of old traffic reports.
• "At the end of the day."
• "Draw a line in the sand."
• "Isn't that something?"

Kerry

• If you're in a car and looking for an address, pull over occasionally and let the cars behind you, pass you.
• Mormon hymns, that are not particularly sad ('Til We Meet) being sung like funeral dirges.
• Farting at funerals.
• People using Metallica's "Enter Sandman" as a ringtone, who don't put their phone on vibrate during a funeral.

Unforgettable Quote
"Release the sex!" - Gina Barberi\

Episode #5205
Days until contract expiration: 279
Day 3 of Gina's Morning Meander

Opening Song
"People Who Died" - The Jim Carroll Band

Sign-off
"Life's not full of miracles; merely accidents."

Boners (brought to you by food from the Chinese)
1. "My Baby is Hungry":  Jerri Gray of South Carolina has been charged with child neglect after her son, Alexander Draper, reached the dangerous weight of 555 lbs. at only age 14.  Alexander is now in custody of social services awaiting medical attention.

2. "Wake up!  Wake UP!":  A Kansas City woman stabbed her boyfriend in the shoulder in order to wake him from a sleep-walking episode.  The man came home intoxicated and the couple went to sleep.  She awoke to find her boyfriend urinating in the closet.  When she tried to wake him via traditional methods, she ignored her and pushed her out of the way.  The woman claimed that she then became frightened that he would hit her, so she stabbed him.

3. "I Can Drink Like a Fish": In order to regain custody of her children, an Arkansas mother prepared for a psychiatric evaluation by drinking 13 beers.  When asked, the woman replied that she was not drunk as, "I can drink like a fish."  She failed to recover custody of her children.

The neglectful mother of the hungry boy is Boner of the Day.


One of a Kind.  An Original.  They Will Be Missed.
Michael Jackson.  Michael Jackson is made of legos.  Michael Jackson made good music.  Michael Jackson made bad music.  Elvis made good music.  Elvis ruined himself.  Michael Jackson ruined himself.  Michael Jackson committed suicide.  Michael Jackson did not commit suicide.  Farrah had hair.  Farrah had nipples.  Farrah was on Charlie's Angels for only one season.  Sky who?  Sky Saxon?  He pushed too hard.  Michael Jackson could have died after the 'Bad' album.  Don't forget about Ed McMahon.  Farrah had some very nice nipples.  Michael Jackson sexually molested me.  Michael Jackson had three children.  What will happen to Michael Jackson's children?  Ass cancer.  Where were you when you heard that Michael Jackson had died?

Boner of the Week
Dave "The Best Utahn" Matson chose "You With the Gimpy Arm. You Work In The Back" as Boner of the Week.

Gina's Sign-off
"Get outta the way."


Radio From Hell is on vacation until July 6th.