Episode #5020
Days until contract expiration: 565
Boners (brought to you by Vietnamese food)
1. "Up, Chuck, Up": Democratic vice-presidential nominee Senator Joe Biden once again opened his mouth and forcefully placed his foot inside. At a campaign speech, Senator Biden introduced wheelchair-bound state senator Chuck Graham and asked him to stand up...Sen. Biden attempted to recover from the faux pas by encouraging the audience to give Sen. Graham a standing ovation.
2. "You Try To Drive With Beer Spilled All Over the Car": A New Mexico man was arrested on his sixth DWI charge after police saw him driving erratically. The man blamed his poor driving on his passenger's spilled beer. The man was too drunk to perform field sobriety tests.
3. "Feel the Poop": The principal of a Colorado Springs elementary school has apologized after forcing students to feel a bag full of human feces. The principal was attempting to demonstrate the problem with "inappropriate" messes left on the floor and toilet seat in the girl's bathroom.
The feces feeling principal is Boner of the Day.
This Mortal Coil
Gina loves vampire books. She read all of the Anne Rice books until Ms. Rice got all "Christy." She finally gave in and read the "Twilight" series; the Mormon vampire books. She read the first one and thought it was ok. She read the second one, thought it was ok. As she was reading the newest book, she was half-way through when she realized that it was the fourth book and that she hadn't read the third book. Apparently the plot is somewhat inconsequential to the series. She went ahead and finished the fourth book, slammed it down and exclaimed, "I'm done with that!"
Margaret Ruth
The "Everything You Want" line is vastly superior to the "Woe is Me" line. Unfortunately Bill is stuck in the "According to Jim" line and Kerry is still using the scanner in the self-service line. People that sit around and appreciate each other are annoying, but happy. Kerry is inventing the "Pocket Husband" for women. It has five buttons that play, "Yes dear", and one that causes the device to vibrate. Throw out all of the Huey Lewis you own. After all, its about the pleasures of conformity, this is a raincoat, and, no, I don't have a dog. Taryn and his partner should take it slow and enjoy the happiness. Should they be ready to get married, Mrs. Atropos performs a beautiful commitment ceremony. Whilst playing in a heavy metal band, you should have a back-up plan. Taxidermy school is a lot less demanding that the RIAA. You'll be married or divorced within the next ten years.
Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson chose "Put a Beanie on it Baldy" as Boner of the Week.
Days until contract expiration: 565
Boners (brought to you by Vietnamese food)
1. "Up, Chuck, Up": Democratic vice-presidential nominee Senator Joe Biden once again opened his mouth and forcefully placed his foot inside. At a campaign speech, Senator Biden introduced wheelchair-bound state senator Chuck Graham and asked him to stand up...Sen. Biden attempted to recover from the faux pas by encouraging the audience to give Sen. Graham a standing ovation.
2. "You Try To Drive With Beer Spilled All Over the Car": A New Mexico man was arrested on his sixth DWI charge after police saw him driving erratically. The man blamed his poor driving on his passenger's spilled beer. The man was too drunk to perform field sobriety tests.
3. "Feel the Poop": The principal of a Colorado Springs elementary school has apologized after forcing students to feel a bag full of human feces. The principal was attempting to demonstrate the problem with "inappropriate" messes left on the floor and toilet seat in the girl's bathroom.
The feces feeling principal is Boner of the Day.
This Mortal Coil
Gina loves vampire books. She read all of the Anne Rice books until Ms. Rice got all "Christy." She finally gave in and read the "Twilight" series; the Mormon vampire books. She read the first one and thought it was ok. She read the second one, thought it was ok. As she was reading the newest book, she was half-way through when she realized that it was the fourth book and that she hadn't read the third book. Apparently the plot is somewhat inconsequential to the series. She went ahead and finished the fourth book, slammed it down and exclaimed, "I'm done with that!"
Margaret Ruth
The "Everything You Want" line is vastly superior to the "Woe is Me" line. Unfortunately Bill is stuck in the "According to Jim" line and Kerry is still using the scanner in the self-service line. People that sit around and appreciate each other are annoying, but happy. Kerry is inventing the "Pocket Husband" for women. It has five buttons that play, "Yes dear", and one that causes the device to vibrate. Throw out all of the Huey Lewis you own. After all, its about the pleasures of conformity, this is a raincoat, and, no, I don't have a dog. Taryn and his partner should take it slow and enjoy the happiness. Should they be ready to get married, Mrs. Atropos performs a beautiful commitment ceremony. Whilst playing in a heavy metal band, you should have a back-up plan. Taxidermy school is a lot less demanding that the RIAA. You'll be married or divorced within the next ten years.
Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson chose "Put a Beanie on it Baldy" as Boner of the Week.
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