Episode #5110
Days until contract expiration: 419
Sign-offs
Big Love is a great show. Gina really likes it, and she hates it. The acting and story are great, but she hates that cheating bastard, Bill Henrickson. She also hates when they make stupid mistakes, like referencing the street "East Temple," which doesn't exist. Main Street used to be "East Temple," but fortunately Deedee Corradini's predecessors had the forethought to realize that "The Battle Over Main Street" sounded much better than "The Battle Over East Temple."
Bill feels that the latest episodes of Big Love make polygamy seem kind of attractive. "Bill" has two other women as a buffer from each wife. Of course, that poor sonofabitch has drama every moment of every day.
Gandalf's Staff
Bill is disappointed. Recently a performance of Shakespeare's King Lear, starring Sir Ian McKellan, was filmed for broadcast on PBS. In the stage version of the play, Sir Ian removes all of his clothing, appearing completely nude. Bill was keen to see Sir Ian's li'l magnatron. It isn't often you get to see a 70-year-old, naked man. Unfortunately, PBS chickened out and edited the scene to remove the knight's full-frontal appearance.
Boners (brought to you by a piece of chicken)
1. "31 Really Stupid Classmates": An 18-year-old male has been accused of posing as a girl on Facebook and "tricking" 31 high-school classmates into sending him naked photos and videos of themselves. The 18-year-old then used the photos and videos as blackmail to receive sexual favors from at least seven of the defrauded teens.
2. "But She's So Hot!": A man in Florida publicly engaged in lewd acts with inflatable dolls.
3. "No Way I Was Making Fun of Those Sneaky Little People": Hannah Montana was *so* not making fun of Asians in that picture. It's, like, not even news.
The 18-year-old "girl" and his 31 idiot classmates are Boners of the Day.
Margaret Ruth
Your relationship won't proceed very well if you go about it with an Eeyore-esque disposition. Lutefisking is fun, until you realize that you don't like the ligonberries. If you haven't had a relationship in three years, you might need a little WD40 and some compressed air to clean out some of those spaces. You'll be married within the next ten years.
Neglected News
The "shot heard round the world" was not the shot Michael Phelps took off his cadillac bong. Dr. Kellog was crazy. His stools were gigantic, but had no more odor than that of a hot buscuit. Jamima Amadon is crazy, but not that crazy. She just cries when she sees gray hair whilst listening to old answering machine messages from Brill Pimm.
Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson chose Senator Chris "Teachin' Man" Buttars as Boner of the Week.
Gina's Sign-off
"It's an electric ear-cleaner."
Days until contract expiration: 419
Sign-offs
- "This house is guarded by a shotgun three days a week. Guess which days."
Big Love is a great show. Gina really likes it, and she hates it. The acting and story are great, but she hates that cheating bastard, Bill Henrickson. She also hates when they make stupid mistakes, like referencing the street "East Temple," which doesn't exist. Main Street used to be "East Temple," but fortunately Deedee Corradini's predecessors had the forethought to realize that "The Battle Over Main Street" sounded much better than "The Battle Over East Temple."
Bill feels that the latest episodes of Big Love make polygamy seem kind of attractive. "Bill" has two other women as a buffer from each wife. Of course, that poor sonofabitch has drama every moment of every day.
Gandalf's Staff
Bill is disappointed. Recently a performance of Shakespeare's King Lear, starring Sir Ian McKellan, was filmed for broadcast on PBS. In the stage version of the play, Sir Ian removes all of his clothing, appearing completely nude. Bill was keen to see Sir Ian's li'l magnatron. It isn't often you get to see a 70-year-old, naked man. Unfortunately, PBS chickened out and edited the scene to remove the knight's full-frontal appearance.
Boners (brought to you by a piece of chicken)
1. "31 Really Stupid Classmates": An 18-year-old male has been accused of posing as a girl on Facebook and "tricking" 31 high-school classmates into sending him naked photos and videos of themselves. The 18-year-old then used the photos and videos as blackmail to receive sexual favors from at least seven of the defrauded teens.
2. "But She's So Hot!": A man in Florida publicly engaged in lewd acts with inflatable dolls.
3. "No Way I Was Making Fun of Those Sneaky Little People": Hannah Montana was *so* not making fun of Asians in that picture. It's, like, not even news.
The 18-year-old "girl" and his 31 idiot classmates are Boners of the Day.
Margaret Ruth
Your relationship won't proceed very well if you go about it with an Eeyore-esque disposition. Lutefisking is fun, until you realize that you don't like the ligonberries. If you haven't had a relationship in three years, you might need a little WD40 and some compressed air to clean out some of those spaces. You'll be married within the next ten years.
Neglected News
The "shot heard round the world" was not the shot Michael Phelps took off his cadillac bong. Dr. Kellog was crazy. His stools were gigantic, but had no more odor than that of a hot buscuit. Jamima Amadon is crazy, but not that crazy. She just cries when she sees gray hair whilst listening to old answering machine messages from Brill Pimm.
Boner of the Week
Dave "The Flower Guy" Matson chose Senator Chris "Teachin' Man" Buttars as Boner of the Week.
Gina's Sign-off
"It's an electric ear-cleaner."
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