Episode #5093
Days until contract expiration: 442
Sign-off
"What is the speed of dark?"
Unforgettable Quote
"Morgan Baker can go suck it." - Kerry Jackson
Unforgettable Quote
"Suck it Morgan." - Kerry Jackson
I Didn't Ruin the Show
Morgan Baker may not have completely ruined the show, but sure tried. Morgan was scheduled to be the B.F.O.P for this morning's broadcast, but decided not to show, or call, or send a surrogate. Nothing. Kerry is about done with this feature. It's a failure. Maybe Morgan was sent just to open Kerry's eyes.
Boners
1. "I'd Like You to Meet My Friend, Sootie": The inbred members of the British Royal Family are again under scrutiny for perceived racism and overall bad form after reporters discovered that they referred to an Indian friend of the family by the nick-name, "Sooty."
2. "I Want To Help Those I Have Hurt": A three-time convicted sex-offender in Alaska won a $500,000 in a lottery to raise funs for the victims of sexual abuse. Alec Ahsoak, 53, offered to use some of the money to build a house to help victims.
3. "I've Been Sent to The School Nurse " A police officer, who was moonlighting as a security guard for a middle school has been charged, with using his access to the school's nurses office while engaging in sex acts with a prostitute. The officer in question would, allegedly, hire the woman, while still in uniform, then drive to the school in his cruiser.
The moonlighting police officer is Boner of the Day.
I Am Not Gay, I've Never Been Gay
Richie likes anything that Jim Carrey or Tom Hanks is in. He really liked Yes Man, even though all of the critics panned it. Bill feels that Richie just has limited options since he won't watch Rated-R movies. Of course, Richie's taste in movies can be called in to question as his top ten of the year includes High School Musical 3, Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants, and Mama Mia.
Things that Must Go
Chopsticks at Panda fast food restaurants and the people that use them. Cyclists wearing dark clothes, no reflectors, and no lights that look surprised when they are almost hit at six in the morning. Read the signs in the deli! Don't touch the windows in the deli! Don't ask for a specific piece of chicken at the deli! Don't touch the windows in the deli! Don't get pissy when you ask for a pound of salad and the clerk gives you more than a pound! "Don't go there." "Va-jay-jay." Exploding yogurt. The pink tops on the yogurt that you're supposed to clean and mail in order to get donations for breast cancer. Just give the damn money. Not being considered a breast cancer survivor unless you wear pink for the rest of your life. Using an online dating service and finding your ex-spouse already using the same service. Going to a singles dance and finding your ex-spouse already there. The stapler running out of staples; it disrupts your chi. The toilet water splas. People who go to church with their hair wet. Anyone who says, "Aloha" in church. The expected crowd response to, "Aloha." Elevator hoverers. Sun-bleached artificial flowers. Fraction prices at the store. Cafeteria plans. People who complain about thier A/C to someone who has a swamp cooler. People who look at an atheist like their about to eat a Jewish baby. People trying to quit smoking. You're going to relapse anyway. Smokers are being oppressed. Keep the numbers strong!
Neglected News
When Kate Hudson is not canoodling with a rod, she's canoodling with other gamesmen, like golfers. Mary Crate can't stop drinking. Scarlet Johannesburg doesn't belive in mono-gamy. J-Lo needs attention from her ex-boyfriend Piddy. N'Sync is getting back together. Jumpym Tambermann, Joey Fatty, and Lance Bass will sing again! Lance may or may not have given Richie advice on coming out of the closet.
Richie's Sign-off
"Eeeehahhhh..."
Days until contract expiration: 442
Sign-off
"What is the speed of dark?"
Unforgettable Quote
"Morgan Baker can go suck it." - Kerry Jackson
Unforgettable Quote
"Suck it Morgan." - Kerry Jackson
I Didn't Ruin the Show
Morgan Baker may not have completely ruined the show, but sure tried. Morgan was scheduled to be the B.F.O.P for this morning's broadcast, but decided not to show, or call, or send a surrogate. Nothing. Kerry is about done with this feature. It's a failure. Maybe Morgan was sent just to open Kerry's eyes.
Boners
1. "I'd Like You to Meet My Friend, Sootie": The inbred members of the British Royal Family are again under scrutiny for perceived racism and overall bad form after reporters discovered that they referred to an Indian friend of the family by the nick-name, "Sooty."
2. "I Want To Help Those I Have Hurt": A three-time convicted sex-offender in Alaska won a $500,000 in a lottery to raise funs for the victims of sexual abuse. Alec Ahsoak, 53, offered to use some of the money to build a house to help victims.
3. "I've Been Sent to The School Nurse " A police officer, who was moonlighting as a security guard for a middle school has been charged, with using his access to the school's nurses office while engaging in sex acts with a prostitute. The officer in question would, allegedly, hire the woman, while still in uniform, then drive to the school in his cruiser.
The moonlighting police officer is Boner of the Day.
I Am Not Gay, I've Never Been Gay
Richie likes anything that Jim Carrey or Tom Hanks is in. He really liked Yes Man, even though all of the critics panned it. Bill feels that Richie just has limited options since he won't watch Rated-R movies. Of course, Richie's taste in movies can be called in to question as his top ten of the year includes High School Musical 3, Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants, and Mama Mia.
Things that Must Go
Chopsticks at Panda fast food restaurants and the people that use them. Cyclists wearing dark clothes, no reflectors, and no lights that look surprised when they are almost hit at six in the morning. Read the signs in the deli! Don't touch the windows in the deli! Don't ask for a specific piece of chicken at the deli! Don't touch the windows in the deli! Don't get pissy when you ask for a pound of salad and the clerk gives you more than a pound! "Don't go there." "Va-jay-jay." Exploding yogurt. The pink tops on the yogurt that you're supposed to clean and mail in order to get donations for breast cancer. Just give the damn money. Not being considered a breast cancer survivor unless you wear pink for the rest of your life. Using an online dating service and finding your ex-spouse already using the same service. Going to a singles dance and finding your ex-spouse already there. The stapler running out of staples; it disrupts your chi. The toilet water splas. People who go to church with their hair wet. Anyone who says, "Aloha" in church. The expected crowd response to, "Aloha." Elevator hoverers. Sun-bleached artificial flowers. Fraction prices at the store. Cafeteria plans. People who complain about thier A/C to someone who has a swamp cooler. People who look at an atheist like their about to eat a Jewish baby. People trying to quit smoking. You're going to relapse anyway. Smokers are being oppressed. Keep the numbers strong!
Neglected News
When Kate Hudson is not canoodling with a rod, she's canoodling with other gamesmen, like golfers. Mary Crate can't stop drinking. Scarlet Johannesburg doesn't belive in mono-gamy. J-Lo needs attention from her ex-boyfriend Piddy. N'Sync is getting back together. Jumpym Tambermann, Joey Fatty, and Lance Bass will sing again! Lance may or may not have given Richie advice on coming out of the closet.
Richie's Sign-off
"Eeeehahhhh..."
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