Opening Song
"Hail to the Geek" - Deaf Pedestrians
Sign-off
"Today is the last day of some of your life."
"Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad." - P. D. East
Intestinal Woe
Bill is experiencing some intestinal woe. He woke up last night with the problem. He could probably use some A.D. medication, but doesn't like to take it. For Bill, it's much better to go than not to go. Gina always takes the A.D. medicine when she's traveling. She'd rather not go until she returns home. Kerry also prefers to go rather than not; it's good private time. One of life's simple pleasures.
Our Son Kyle
Hey poor! You don't have to be poor anymore! Kyle has some helpful hints to help you save money and enjoy life at the same time. The "Secret" is.....duct tape! It's so versatile. It's much cheaper than the hair and scab remove you buy at the Walgreens. You can also use it as an SPF5000 sunscreen. Make a hat! Make some curtains. Use it as a form of contraceptive (nothing's more expensive than children!). See ya!
Boners (brought to you by spaghetti)
1. "Whatcha Goan Do With Them Gators?": Five Florida students were arrested after trying to fish an alligator out of an alligator pool at a local miniature golf course. When asked what they were planning to do with the 'gator, the students answered that they hadn't planned that out yet.
2. "Illiterate Peasants": In the middle of his speech debating a measure to alleviate agricultural worker shortages with a guest worker program, Colorado state representative Douglas Bruce was booed and removed from the capitol building. Rep. Bruce mused that, "We don't need 5,000 more illiterate peasants in the state of Colorado." At that, the chamber erupted in an audible gasp. The chairwoman of the meeting immediately barred Bruce from speaking further.
3. "You Sonofa! OOoooooo....That's Not Good": A angry driver accidentally shot himself in the stomach after angrily waving his firearm at another driver. The angry driver is suspected to survive and will face charges of disorderly conduct, reckless display of a firearm, and felony flight from police.
The illiterate peasant, Douglas Bruce, is Boner of the Day.
Nicknames
After watching an episode of The Office, Gina has determined that she and Joe can no longer call each other "Babe." For years Bill has been trying to convince Gina that "Babe" is so disgusting and putrid. Gina didn't care until the precious television told her so.
Shopping Trouble
Bill likes to go to the Smith's downtown because there's a liquor store right next door and he occasionally gets to see celebrities like Kurt Bestor. If ever the store doesn't have something that Bill wants, he just tells the F.O.P manager Jenny and she can arrange it for him. His latest request was Oakdale Eggs. Unfortunately he should have been more specific as they now stock a ton of Oakdale eggs – except for the brown, vegetarian fed, Omega-3 eggs that Bill really wanted. Bill is a little embarrassed to complain about it, and he also doesn't want to wait another couple of weeks to get his eggs. Maybe if Bill gets all of the regular celebrities to team up with him (Kurt Bestor, Mary Kay Huntsman, and Rod Decker) he can get the eggs much quicker!
Neglected News
The gossip sheets are taking advantage of younger and younger celebrities. Ashlee's alblum is for sucks. Mrs. Bush is rich. Jenna Bush loves her momma because she's rich. Jenna Bush loves her daddy because he's rich.
Gina's Sign-off
Buzzzzzz.....Click......Beeep......Whiii