Episode #5161
Days until contract expiration: 344
Opening Song
"Can't Stop" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sign-offs
No Time to Say Hello. Good-bye!
It's "six-oh-nine", or maybe "six-fourteen." Who knows? Gina doesn't. Her phone is fast. How can her phone be fast? Doesn't the time come down for the sky? How can the satellite in the sky what sends the time to the phone be fast? Especially since Kerry's phone is on the same carrier. Shouldn't they be the same? It comes from the sky!! Gina trusts the sky, but now the sky is wrong!?
Richie? Where are your keys?
Boners
1. "How'd You Know it was Me?": A man stealing cameras from a Splash-and-Dash car wash was caught on said cameras in a mask that only partially covered his face.
2. "Get Out! Get Out! Get Out!": What is usually an empty threat from parents to "get out of the car," turned to reality in White Plains, NY. Madlyn Primoff pulled over in a White Plains business district and told her 10 and 12-year-old arguing daughters to get out of the car. Ms. Primoff then drove away, leaving the two girls more than three-miles from their home. Ms. Primoff was arrested and charged with child endangerment.
3. "Not the face. Not the Face!" On her first night as an exotic dancer, a 52-year-old woman was hit in the face with a stiletto heel by a co-worker. The co-worker was of the opinion that the establishment needed no other dancers. The victim's injuries required seven surgical staples to repair.
The follow-through mother is Boner of the Day.
Walking the Walk
On this Earth Day, Kerry would like to point a common hypocrisy amongst environmental activists. Al Gore and many, many others are always seen wearing suits; suits that require dry-cleaning. Dry cleaning typically uses a number of chemicals that are not particularly good for the environment. Politicians and other authority figures should switch back to a nice, easy-to-clean cotton toga - like the Greeks and the Romans.
Your List of Things That Must Go
The self-check-out lane. People that steal beer and use the fire-exit to escape, resulting in a high-pitched store alarm. The improper use of the word "anymore." Complaining about "spoilers." "Now more than ever." "In these economic Times." The Mighty Boosh. "You're not gonna like this." Men that smell of baby powder. Scented candles in the bathroom. Using "absolutely" too often. Do I hate it when people ask and answer their own questions? The clumsy local-news segue. Teachers who tell parents that their kid should be on medication in order to pay attention. CEOs who can't send a fax. CEOs who bring their dog to work. CEOs who yell and scream at their co-workers. Co-workers that chew on their pen. Women who wear heavy earrings that stretch their earlobes. Co-workers who tell you they lost weight. People who jam the copier and walk away. Older gentelman who comment to younger women, "Here comes trouble!" People who do not say, "Hello." Soggy tortilla chips. The lady that closes her eyes to make a dramatic point. Men who don't keep their fingernails very, very short. The fact that Bill still has to countdown the RFH contract.
Panties by the Pound
Kerry's wife, Sue, rarely pays for panties. She gets so many of the free-panties coupons from Victoria's Secret that there is no need to actually spend money on them. Recently, as they were walking through the mall, Sue handed the coupon to Kerry and told him to go pick up her free panties whilst she went shopping elsewhere. Kerry knows what sue wears, and he knows what he likes, so he can pick out a pair easily. Of course, that does necessitate that Kerry stand in line, seemingly a single male, holding a pair of panties and a coupon for free panties. It's not a comfortable moment. Every woman in the store was giving Kerry the stink-eye. Kerry briefly thought about really freaking out the women by beginning to sniff the panties, but refrained. Bill suggested that he should have picked out the largest pair in the store and asked the clerk if she thought they would fit.
Bill also goes shopping for Mrs. Bill's panties. He knows what he likes and he picks them up out of the dispenser at the car wash. There ain't nothin' sexier than a woman in a blue shammy-like thing. Sham-wow!
Days until contract expiration: 344
Opening Song
"Can't Stop" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sign-offs
- "It's important to believe in something. I believe I'll have another cosmo."
- "There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere; 'Hold my purse.'"
No Time to Say Hello. Good-bye!
It's "six-oh-nine", or maybe "six-fourteen." Who knows? Gina doesn't. Her phone is fast. How can her phone be fast? Doesn't the time come down for the sky? How can the satellite in the sky what sends the time to the phone be fast? Especially since Kerry's phone is on the same carrier. Shouldn't they be the same? It comes from the sky!! Gina trusts the sky, but now the sky is wrong!?
Richie? Where are your keys?
Boners
1. "How'd You Know it was Me?": A man stealing cameras from a Splash-and-Dash car wash was caught on said cameras in a mask that only partially covered his face.
2. "Get Out! Get Out! Get Out!": What is usually an empty threat from parents to "get out of the car," turned to reality in White Plains, NY. Madlyn Primoff pulled over in a White Plains business district and told her 10 and 12-year-old arguing daughters to get out of the car. Ms. Primoff then drove away, leaving the two girls more than three-miles from their home. Ms. Primoff was arrested and charged with child endangerment.
3. "Not the face. Not the Face!" On her first night as an exotic dancer, a 52-year-old woman was hit in the face with a stiletto heel by a co-worker. The co-worker was of the opinion that the establishment needed no other dancers. The victim's injuries required seven surgical staples to repair.
The follow-through mother is Boner of the Day.
Walking the Walk
On this Earth Day, Kerry would like to point a common hypocrisy amongst environmental activists. Al Gore and many, many others are always seen wearing suits; suits that require dry-cleaning. Dry cleaning typically uses a number of chemicals that are not particularly good for the environment. Politicians and other authority figures should switch back to a nice, easy-to-clean cotton toga - like the Greeks and the Romans.
Your List of Things That Must Go
The self-check-out lane. People that steal beer and use the fire-exit to escape, resulting in a high-pitched store alarm. The improper use of the word "anymore." Complaining about "spoilers." "Now more than ever." "In these economic Times." The Mighty Boosh. "You're not gonna like this." Men that smell of baby powder. Scented candles in the bathroom. Using "absolutely" too often. Do I hate it when people ask and answer their own questions? The clumsy local-news segue. Teachers who tell parents that their kid should be on medication in order to pay attention. CEOs who can't send a fax. CEOs who bring their dog to work. CEOs who yell and scream at their co-workers. Co-workers that chew on their pen. Women who wear heavy earrings that stretch their earlobes. Co-workers who tell you they lost weight. People who jam the copier and walk away. Older gentelman who comment to younger women, "Here comes trouble!" People who do not say, "Hello." Soggy tortilla chips. The lady that closes her eyes to make a dramatic point. Men who don't keep their fingernails very, very short. The fact that Bill still has to countdown the RFH contract.
Panties by the Pound
Kerry's wife, Sue, rarely pays for panties. She gets so many of the free-panties coupons from Victoria's Secret that there is no need to actually spend money on them. Recently, as they were walking through the mall, Sue handed the coupon to Kerry and told him to go pick up her free panties whilst she went shopping elsewhere. Kerry knows what sue wears, and he knows what he likes, so he can pick out a pair easily. Of course, that does necessitate that Kerry stand in line, seemingly a single male, holding a pair of panties and a coupon for free panties. It's not a comfortable moment. Every woman in the store was giving Kerry the stink-eye. Kerry briefly thought about really freaking out the women by beginning to sniff the panties, but refrained. Bill suggested that he should have picked out the largest pair in the store and asked the clerk if she thought they would fit.
Bill also goes shopping for Mrs. Bill's panties. He knows what he likes and he picks them up out of the dispenser at the car wash. There ain't nothin' sexier than a woman in a blue shammy-like thing. Sham-wow!
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