Opening Song
"Lotion" - Greenskeeper

Sign-off
"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."

S.L. Magazine
Shauna Thomas dons the cover of this months expensive and worthless Salt Lake Magazine.  Shauna is a beautiful and very attractive woman, but the magazine managed to get a lousy photo of her and put it on the cover.  The magazine also features and new article from an entirely foreign point of view from radio host Tom Barberi on how hard it is to get a drink in Utah.  If that's not enough to entice you to purchase the magazine, it also has an article on scrap booking.

Boners (brought to you by lasagna)
1. "Can't We Get Congress To Intervene And Save This Murderer?":  The step father of an 11-year-old girl, who allegedly beat the girl nearly to death, has been fighting in court to keep her on life support.  The man is afraid that he will be charged with murder if the girl is allowed to die.  The Supreme Court of Mass. has ruled against the man.
(View Story)

2. "Glenn Beck: Non-confrontational Radio Host":  CNN Headline News, after recently hiring Bill Bennett ("[Y]ou could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.") continued it's hiring fiasco by working with radio host Glenn Beck.  Mr. Beck has made a number of remarkably offensive comments including:

"[T]his is horrible to say, and I wonder if I'm alone in this -- you know, it took me about a year to start hating the 9-11 victims' families? Took me about a year." - September 9, 2005

"And that's all we're hearing about, are the people in New Orleans. Those are the only ones that we're seeing on television are the scumbags -- and again, it's not all the people in New Orleans. Most of the people in New Orleans got out! It's just a small percentage of those who were left in New Orleans, or who decided to stay in New Orleans, and they're getting all the attention." - September 9, 2005

"Hang on, let me just tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out -- is this wrong?" - May 17, 2005

Regarding the father of Nick Berg: "I think he is grieving, but I think he's a scumbag as well. I don't like this guy at all." - May 14, 2005


3. "I Love You Gary!":  Chris Taylor was alerted to his girlfriend's cheating when his African Grey Parrot began to spout, "I love you Gary," when the phone would ring.
(View Story)


The step-father is Boner of the Day.

Boner Of The Year
Radio From Hell has finally decided to do a Boner of the Month, Season, and Year.  They are hoping to get Colosimo's Sausage to sponsor the feature.  Bill loves a good sausage.  Natalie also likes a good sausage; especially a nice, big, think salami.

Things That Must Go
Bill

• Hot-rod cars that sound like toys or week-wackers.

• Calling the pharmacy and being told that they do have your medicine.  Going to the same pharmacy shortly afterward and being told that it would be two hours.  Arriving back at the pharmacy after a two hour hike and being told that the pharmacy would get right on that prescription.  Waiting other twenty minutes and finally being handed a bottle of eyedrops that didn't need to be counted, mixed, or measured.

• Forever Plaid

• Nunsense

• Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

• Questar.  Bill would rather use the bodies of the Questar board of directors to heat his house.

Kerry

• Sour cream or other, similar cartons that have a plastic seal under the lid without a pull tab.

• Real Estate agents who cold call and ask, "Do you want to sell your house?"

• Fake-ass letters from any corporation, but specifically Playboy.  Kerry is aware that Mr. Hefner did not sit down at his desk and personally write Kerry a letter encouraging him not to let his subscription lapse.  In fact, if Mr Hefner were more involved in the business, maybe the magazine wouldn't suck so bad and have to resort to lame stunts like fake letters.

Gina

• Nipples

• Swelling

• The need for Tucks Medicated Pads

• Hemorrhoids

• Not having time to get your nails done so that your son tells you that you look like a witch.

• Maternity clothes that no longer fit but are all you have because the rest of your clothes are in storage along with the good rocking chair.

• The girdle that The Sainted Mary Claire makes you wear.

So It Begins
The congressional races have officially begun.  Radio From Hell had their first impromtu visit from a political candidate.  Peter Ashdown, owner of Xmission, is running for Senator against Orrin Hatch.  Peter knows it will be a tough race in this mostly red state but feels that he has a definite chance.  He's done something interesting in creating a Wikipedia style tool on his website in order to make himself more accessible to the views and opinion of every citizen of the state.  http://www.peteashdown.com

Neglected News
William Shatner sold his kidney stone on eBay for $25,000.  The Hulk 2 may star David Duchovny.  "That 70's Show" is cancelled.  "Malcolm In The Middle" is canceled.  "Arrested Development" is most likely cancelled but may be picked up by ABC or Showtime.  Issac Hayes has been hospitalized for exhaustion.  Eva Longoria is dating Jamie Foxx.  Terri Hatcher was asked if she saved her pubic hair.  Scarlet Johansen was repeatedly molested by E!'s gay red carpet designer.