I’m Being Helpful
Gina scanned the story on top of Bill’s news pile. “This was a story 6 months ago, and it’s fake.” The story was of a mom who gave her young daughter a voucher for a boob job when she gets older. Gina just wanted to save Bill from the embarrassment of a fake, previously reported story. “You’re welcome.” Kerry reminds her that when she helps she makes an ass out of u and me…something like that.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: recycling stories from the UK

We Have a Thing
Gina relies on procedures to get through her life. She leaves the Christmas tree up through all of her kids birthdays so they can each have it. Today is Jonesie’s birthday so now they can throw it out on the curb to be picked up. Someone already threw a tree on Gina’s yard, but that won’t matter since they live in a neighborhood where people are wealthy enough to have multiple trees. Richie’s wife likes tree—she puts up one in every room. The better story is that Richie has started a tradition. He is now going to pseudo-violate a holiday object each one this year. He got enough response on Facebook from his photo humping the tree. Richie says that it’s his irritating behavior that is endearing. Bill says Gina taking it is her best quality and why she is endearing to him.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some leftovers, Boner #3 wins.
Don’t Touch That Knob After a man was diagnosed with HIV, his employer made a policy that he couldn’t touch any door knobs. He’s suing the company.

A Simple Creature
Gina has enrolled Jonesie in a soccer camp at the U’s field house. There isn’t any place to sit and since Gina brings the little monster she has to sit there for 2 hours on the turf. She should realize that she paid for soccer lessons for her kid and babysitting. She should take the time to herself. She dreamed about John White IV playing and laying on that very turf. She could even smell him. She wants Richie to get him into the studio. Just think of his teammates “hey John, did you hear there’s an old, white lady that wants you to come to her studio and smell you?” The steam shower at the Barberi estate has now been deemed The John White IV Memorial Shower. Richie could probably get Jimmer in the studio. “I am not sexually interested in James Fredette. If Gina did a blind-sniff test Jimmer would probably smell like tennis shoes and cinnamon rolls.

Gina’s sign-off: I wish I could take back the whole camel toe thing