Episode #5167
Days until contract expiration: 336
Opening Song
"One More Time" - Goldfinger
Sign-off
Boners (brought to you by lemon clam spaghetti)
1. "How Much For The Little Girl?": A couple from Wisconsin have been charged with selling their baby to a woman from Missouri. The couple gave birth in 2004 and attempted to authorize the hospital to release the baby to the Missouri woman, who was supposed to be a surrogate mother. The hospital refused, but staff later saw the couple handing the baby over to the other woman.
2. "Swine Flu? You Guys are So Crazy": Two-hundred and seventeen passengers were detained for more than an hour when the flight crew reported that they suspected two passengers experiencing nausea and fever of having the swine flu. The flight was returning to Baltimore, MD from Cancun, Mexico. The two passengers were isolated and examined and it was determined that they were simply intoxicated.
3. "They Did Not Kill Him Because He Was Gay": In a floor speech debating a federal hate crimes bill, Virginia Foxx, an ignorant bigot and Republican representative from North Carolina, decried as a hoax the 1998 lynching of Matthew Shepard. Ms. Foxx claims that the vicious and fatal beating was due to a botched robbery and not a targeted anti-homosexual hate-crime.
Ms. Virginia Foxx is Boner of the Day.
At Least it Wasn't His Keys
Richie is constantly losing his wallet. He has trouble with his back, so he always removes his wallet from his back pocket before sitting down. Last night he sat down to watch Gilligan's Island Minus Gilligan. Apparently, Richie became so excited by this greatest of episodes that he accidentally kicked his wallet under his chair.
Ask a Car Salesman
Gabe is a car salesman. He does all the car salesman things. "What can I do to put you in this car today?" "I have to talk to my manager." If you ask, he'll give you his non-negotiable price or his negotiable price. Be informed and don't bring your kids.
Jeff Vice
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is a non-Xmas version of A Christmas Carol. Instead of being a miser, Mr. McConaughey is a womanizer. The movie is terrible. The only, ONLY watchable moment is after Michael Douglas appears as the ghost of Mr. McConaughey's bigoted uncle. Mr. McConaughey has no range and cannot act. For a fun drinking game, take a drink every time Mr. McConaughey says, "Alright." 1.5 stars.
Battle for Terra. Looks awful. Is awful. It's the worst episode, thus far, of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. It's an environmentally aware rip-off of every other sci-fi movie and series. 1.5 stars, but it's still better than Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
Twelve is a Russian version of 12 Angry Men. It took a 100 minute movie and expanded it to 153 minutes. It didn't make it better, only longer. 2 stars.
Wolverine is the best movie this week by default. It's not terrible. It's not great. Huge Jackman is ripped and impressive looking, but there are too many characters that are never developed. The first half of the movie is pretty good, explaining how the title character obtains his signature metal skeleton. After that, the movie just attempts to hit the reset button on the X-men franchise. 2.5 stars
Are you a bear?
In the movie, Wolverine, the audience learns that going to bed with Wolverine can be dangerous:
Radio Bet
Gina and Bill made a radio bet. Gina saw a picture of Gul du Kim Cardassian as a blonde, and liked it. She wondered how she might look with a similar hair color and put the question on her blog and FaceBook page. Bill responded to Gina's blog, "Do it. Don't be a puss. I dare you." Gina was dared. If she shows up tomorrow with blond hair, Bill has to dye his hair a dark brunette. Bill believes that all of this is idle chatter and Gina will puss-out.
Gina's Sign-off
"I'm doin' it."
Days until contract expiration: 336
Opening Song
"One More Time" - Goldfinger
Sign-off
- "I have kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it."
Boners (brought to you by lemon clam spaghetti)
1. "How Much For The Little Girl?": A couple from Wisconsin have been charged with selling their baby to a woman from Missouri. The couple gave birth in 2004 and attempted to authorize the hospital to release the baby to the Missouri woman, who was supposed to be a surrogate mother. The hospital refused, but staff later saw the couple handing the baby over to the other woman.
2. "Swine Flu? You Guys are So Crazy": Two-hundred and seventeen passengers were detained for more than an hour when the flight crew reported that they suspected two passengers experiencing nausea and fever of having the swine flu. The flight was returning to Baltimore, MD from Cancun, Mexico. The two passengers were isolated and examined and it was determined that they were simply intoxicated.
3. "They Did Not Kill Him Because He Was Gay": In a floor speech debating a federal hate crimes bill, Virginia Foxx, an ignorant bigot and Republican representative from North Carolina, decried as a hoax the 1998 lynching of Matthew Shepard. Ms. Foxx claims that the vicious and fatal beating was due to a botched robbery and not a targeted anti-homosexual hate-crime.
Ms. Virginia Foxx is Boner of the Day.
At Least it Wasn't His Keys
Richie is constantly losing his wallet. He has trouble with his back, so he always removes his wallet from his back pocket before sitting down. Last night he sat down to watch Gilligan's Island Minus Gilligan. Apparently, Richie became so excited by this greatest of episodes that he accidentally kicked his wallet under his chair.
Ask a Car Salesman
Gabe is a car salesman. He does all the car salesman things. "What can I do to put you in this car today?" "I have to talk to my manager." If you ask, he'll give you his non-negotiable price or his negotiable price. Be informed and don't bring your kids.
Jeff Vice
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is a non-Xmas version of A Christmas Carol. Instead of being a miser, Mr. McConaughey is a womanizer. The movie is terrible. The only, ONLY watchable moment is after Michael Douglas appears as the ghost of Mr. McConaughey's bigoted uncle. Mr. McConaughey has no range and cannot act. For a fun drinking game, take a drink every time Mr. McConaughey says, "Alright." 1.5 stars.
Battle for Terra. Looks awful. Is awful. It's the worst episode, thus far, of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. It's an environmentally aware rip-off of every other sci-fi movie and series. 1.5 stars, but it's still better than Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
Twelve is a Russian version of 12 Angry Men. It took a 100 minute movie and expanded it to 153 minutes. It didn't make it better, only longer. 2 stars.
Wolverine is the best movie this week by default. It's not terrible. It's not great. Huge Jackman is ripped and impressive looking, but there are too many characters that are never developed. The first half of the movie is pretty good, explaining how the title character obtains his signature metal skeleton. After that, the movie just attempts to hit the reset button on the X-men franchise. 2.5 stars
Are you a bear?
In the movie, Wolverine, the audience learns that going to bed with Wolverine can be dangerous:
Kerry: Apparently it's dangerous to go to bed with Wolverine, just so you know.
Gina: Well, so, did they replace...?
Bill: It's dangerous to go to bed with any man. Did you want to know something about his exoskeleton?
Gina: Well, I guess it's cartilage, so they didn't replace *that*.
Kerry: No.
Jeff: Did they replace his nose?
Bill: Cartilage?
Kerry: There's no cartilage.
Bill: There's no cartilage.
Gina: No? It's a....a...
Bill: It's just flesh and muscle and blood.
Kerry: Yeah.
Bill: There's no cartilage....unless you're a bear. I think some bears and animals have that, [and] Whales.
Kerry: God, Gina! 'Whalevorine'; that's not it!
Bill: I don't know who they hell you've been sleeping with!
Kerry: Jeez... Is it an Egyptian thing?
Gina: Well, so, did they replace...?
Bill: It's dangerous to go to bed with any man. Did you want to know something about his exoskeleton?
Gina: Well, I guess it's cartilage, so they didn't replace *that*.
Kerry: No.
Jeff: Did they replace his nose?
Bill: Cartilage?
Kerry: There's no cartilage.
Bill: There's no cartilage.
Gina: No? It's a....a...
Bill: It's just flesh and muscle and blood.
Kerry: Yeah.
Bill: There's no cartilage....unless you're a bear. I think some bears and animals have that, [and] Whales.
Kerry: God, Gina! 'Whalevorine'; that's not it!
Bill: I don't know who they hell you've been sleeping with!
Kerry: Jeez... Is it an Egyptian thing?
Radio Bet
Gina and Bill made a radio bet. Gina saw a picture of Gul du Kim Cardassian as a blonde, and liked it. She wondered how she might look with a similar hair color and put the question on her blog and FaceBook page. Bill responded to Gina's blog, "Do it. Don't be a puss. I dare you." Gina was dared. If she shows up tomorrow with blond hair, Bill has to dye his hair a dark brunette. Bill believes that all of this is idle chatter and Gina will puss-out.
Gina's Sign-off
"I'm doin' it."
Leave a comment