Boners (brought to you by Thaco Bake Thursday)
1. "Put a Plug In It": A Day Care in Tennessee has been shut down after a "care-giver" had placed a 4-month old baby in a darkened room with a pacifier taped into it's mouth.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5i40f
2. "My Kid is Not an Apple": Fearing that her son Victor had come in contact with several toys containing lead, Faith Buntin took him to get his blood tested. As she was taking the blood, the technician leaned over and bit the boy on the shoulder - in front of Ms. Buntin. The technician then told Ms. Buntin that it was just a play bite and wouldn't hurt him. After she and Victor arrived home, Ms. Buntin noticed teeth marks and returned to the hospital. The technician has been fired.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gV6d
3. "Brown Garbage": Parents in the Granite School district are clamoring for the dismissal of a bus driver who referred to "rowdy" Latino students as "brown garbage." One student claimed that she heard him say, "All you brown people are garbage. Your people are pieces of trash. You guys are nothing." The bus driver, who is white, has been moved to another route, but has not been fired or disciplined.
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_70234
The racist bus driver is Boner of the Day.
The Frog Prince of Ogden
F.O.P Matthew Bergstrom (Author's note: Apologies for the spelling), wrote in to apologize to Bill for an encounter at the Hatch Family Chocolates store. Matthew jokingly made some comment as to Bill's use of fame in order to get what he wants, but later thought that Bill might have taken it wrong. Bill didn't take that wrong, but he did take offense to the P.S. of Matthew's e-mail, "What member of your wife's family do you have tied up in the basement? She's way out of your league!"
Margaret Ruth
If you have a controlling man who wants all your money, buy some running shoes and get the hell away from him as fast as possible. Don't close doors, but don't hold your hand over your ass neither. Lesbians can only have babies if they've been married in the temple and stand on their head while using a turkey baster. You'll be married within the next 10 years.
Radio Name
Richie's new radio host name is "Mormon Lore."
Diamonds Are Forever, Until They're Lost
Gina has a new wedding ring. No, she didn't have to upgrade to a giant diamond like The Sainted Mary Claire. During her gestation, Gina's fingers have swollen, so she bought herself a cheap $25 look-alike for the time being. The discussion of rings brought Richie T. into the studio. *IF* he were in the market for a ring, but Booster told him not to buy and expensive ring because she's afraid she'll lose it, should he listen to her? According to Gina, "No."
Neglected News
Mic Hibson - the actor from Bird on a Wire and The Man With No Face - is drinking again. He's also been having extra-marital affairs. Orpha can talk dirty on the TV. Last week she spoke with hermaphrodites, and this week she's talking about all of the reasons to have elderly sex in different places. Paula is bat-sock crazy.
Living The Dream
Bill received an advertisement from a local travel agency advertising "Epic" cruises. The tour of Africa starts in Ft. Lauderdale, cross the Atlantic to Cape Town, then up the coast toward Spain and Portugal. The tour is 73 days long. Bill would just like to have 73 days off of work, let alone the $30,000+ dollars it would cost.
Boner of the Week
Dave "The Best Utahn" Matson chose "I'm Hannibal The Cannibal" as Boner of the Week.
1. "Put a Plug In It": A Day Care in Tennessee has been shut down after a "care-giver" had placed a 4-month old baby in a darkened room with a pacifier taped into it's mouth.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5i40f
2. "My Kid is Not an Apple": Fearing that her son Victor had come in contact with several toys containing lead, Faith Buntin took him to get his blood tested. As she was taking the blood, the technician leaned over and bit the boy on the shoulder - in front of Ms. Buntin. The technician then told Ms. Buntin that it was just a play bite and wouldn't hurt him. After she and Victor arrived home, Ms. Buntin noticed teeth marks and returned to the hospital. The technician has been fired.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gV6d
3. "Brown Garbage": Parents in the Granite School district are clamoring for the dismissal of a bus driver who referred to "rowdy" Latino students as "brown garbage." One student claimed that she heard him say, "All you brown people are garbage. Your people are pieces of trash. You guys are nothing." The bus driver, who is white, has been moved to another route, but has not been fired or disciplined.
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_70234
The racist bus driver is Boner of the Day.
The Frog Prince of Ogden
F.O.P Matthew Bergstrom (Author's note: Apologies for the spelling), wrote in to apologize to Bill for an encounter at the Hatch Family Chocolates store. Matthew jokingly made some comment as to Bill's use of fame in order to get what he wants, but later thought that Bill might have taken it wrong. Bill didn't take that wrong, but he did take offense to the P.S. of Matthew's e-mail, "What member of your wife's family do you have tied up in the basement? She's way out of your league!"
Margaret Ruth
If you have a controlling man who wants all your money, buy some running shoes and get the hell away from him as fast as possible. Don't close doors, but don't hold your hand over your ass neither. Lesbians can only have babies if they've been married in the temple and stand on their head while using a turkey baster. You'll be married within the next 10 years.
Radio Name
Richie's new radio host name is "Mormon Lore."
Diamonds Are Forever, Until They're Lost
Gina has a new wedding ring. No, she didn't have to upgrade to a giant diamond like The Sainted Mary Claire. During her gestation, Gina's fingers have swollen, so she bought herself a cheap $25 look-alike for the time being. The discussion of rings brought Richie T. into the studio. *IF* he were in the market for a ring, but Booster told him not to buy and expensive ring because she's afraid she'll lose it, should he listen to her? According to Gina, "No."
Neglected News
Mic Hibson - the actor from Bird on a Wire and The Man With No Face - is drinking again. He's also been having extra-marital affairs. Orpha can talk dirty on the TV. Last week she spoke with hermaphrodites, and this week she's talking about all of the reasons to have elderly sex in different places. Paula is bat-sock crazy.
Living The Dream
Bill received an advertisement from a local travel agency advertising "Epic" cruises. The tour of Africa starts in Ft. Lauderdale, cross the Atlantic to Cape Town, then up the coast toward Spain and Portugal. The tour is 73 days long. Bill would just like to have 73 days off of work, let alone the $30,000+ dollars it would cost.
Boner of the Week
Dave "The Best Utahn" Matson chose "I'm Hannibal The Cannibal" as Boner of the Week.
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