Opening Song
“I'll Be You” - The Replacements
Sign-off
- “They say you can't judge a book by it's cover, but who wants to make out with a book?”
- “The best way to avoid throwing out the baby with the bathwater is to never change the bathwater.”
Young Folks
Granny Barberi was glad that Kerry played The Replacements this morning. She thought it was a good chance for Richie to learn about another song he knew nothing about! Richie has no idea how much Gina's generation had to give up to preserve Richie's freedom to listen to the music that she likes.
Cherishing the Cabin
Bill was cherishing the cabin this weekend. Bill, Ex-Mrs. Bill, Bill's oldest daughter, Little Bill, and Little Mrs. Bill, and Mother Bill all cherished the cabin. They rode the ATVs around in the dust. Unfortunately, there was only one helmet for the two ATVs. When Little Bill was riding, he got the helmet, unless of course Little Mrs. Bill was riding, in which case she got the helmet. That was kind of silly. What if all four of them were out and they all crashed? If Little Mrs. Bill was the only one uninjured, wouldn't she just be left to the wolves?
Boner Update
Fox 13 News Reader, Nineveh Dinha, who won the Boner of the Day last week, sent in a nice note acknowledging that it really sounded like she said, “the anal Teen-Choice awards.” Bill pointed out that it might have seemed like she said, “anal”, because she did say, “anal.”
Boners (brought to you by a chicken caesar salad)
1. “The New Word for 'dick' is 'andy'”: Alleged comedian Andy Dick was cited for public urination after being spotted relieving himself on an Ohio sidewalk. Previous to his public excursion, Mr. Dick allegedly groped several patrons at The Funny Bone Comedy Club and urinated on the floor, and possibly a person, in the bathroom.
(View Story)
2. “He's A Good Driver”: A woman was cited for child endangerment as she was about to let her 5-year-old toddler drive the car loaded with the woman's 2-year-old daughter and another adult passenger. Fortunately onlookers realized the situation, stopped the car from driving off, and called the authorities. The woman was found to be highly intoxicated, and the children are now in the care of DCFS.
(View Story)
3. “Thank God for Pants Finding Dogs”: When Mark Stahnke woke up in his neighbor's yard, he discovered that his pants were missing. Mr. Stahnke, who had no memory of any events following his departure from the bar, reported the missing pants, which included a $41,000 cashier's check and several hundred dollars in cash, to police. Enter Tim Curzan and his dog. Mr. Curzan was walking his dog when he found the pants in the middle of an intersection. Mr. Curzan discovered the money and cashier's check and attempted to return them to the proper home. When the pants were still in the intersection several days later, Mr. Curzan returned the items to the police, who returned them to Mr. Stahnke.
(View Story)
The drunken mother is Boner of the Day.
Psychic Gina
Gina may have many powers, but prognostication is not among them.
Joe was creating a delicious fruit-salad with a rosemary infused syrup, and whipped cream made with honey. Jonesie, who is 19-months-old, noticed the bear-shaped honey dispenser sitting on the counter and said, “Bear?” The oblivious Gina handed the toddler the dispenser to play with. Moments later, Jonesie is then expressing her thoughts on the internal fluids of the bear, “Sticky? Sticky?” Who could have guessed that a child would make a mess with a honey dispense? Bill hopes that Joe and Lucy are very happy together.
Bill Frost
Bill Allred actually watched a few moments of the Jumpym Tambermann concert on HBO last night. He did not have the sudden urge to throw his panties at the TV. It was horrible. Horrible! Richie loved it. Bill Engvall's series is over for the season, but will likely be back. Flipping Out is over for the season. Catch the best moment on The Soup. Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader and Don't Forget the Lyrics are back. BBC America features a spin-off of Dr. Who called Torchwood. HBO showcases it's latest original series, Tell Me You Love Me. It's depressing as hell, but features sex that Frost can't figure out. After missing that, be sure to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. Richard Lewis is dating Tia Carerra, and Larry David takes in a Hurricane Katrina survivor.
Starring Bill Allred
Bill really will be in Trent Harris' new movie Delightful Water Universe. He did a read through yesterday with some of the other cast members. Bill plays “Mr. Vicious.” Mr. Harris doesn't care at all about Bill's appearance. He think Bill looks just fine how he is. Bill has to perform in some sex-scenees as well. Gina wondered if Bill would be using a butt-double. No way. Bill is proud of his ass, and his face. Bill just needs a torso double.
