Safe and Sound
The first attempts to fly into the most dangerous airport in the world were compounded by mechanical problems and too much wind. So the group got drunk and tried the next day. Yak and Yeti Airlines finally got them there and it wasn’t too bad. Bill spent 6 hours yesterday walking slowly through villages. They saw many large mani stones and prayer wheels. The towns are all tuned to tourism so you can get pretty much anything you need. And even the sherpas with the group act like they know who Bill is.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by Eclipse burgers, Boner #1 wins.
What Would They Have Done if We Had Used Spray Paint? Students were suspended and a janitor fired as they put sticky notes on all the high school windows as a senior prank.

Give ‘Em a Treat
Kerry either sucked or it easy as guest host of Fresh Living. Kerry thinks that tv producers feel like the personalities need to have much kindness and compliments given to them and especially celebrity hosts. Kerry wore a hat and didn’t wear tv clothes. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t allowed to be in the fashion segment of the show. Kerry said there wasn’t much required of him. The teleprompter was there for him to read and the director was in his ear for timekeeping. After the taping, everyone just kept saying “ah, that was great!” After he had to memorize one line for the promo, Kerry heard amazing applause and “It only took one take!” Gina should really do tv for the effort required.

Grounded
After the Tribune article http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/53977798-80/dog-pound-chicken-cook.html.csp Kerry again felt like a self-loathing yuppie. Gina thinks that many people will be like her and think about how much free time Kerry has to make dog food. Kerry reminds her that he doesn’t have little money pits (kids) to shovel dollars into. Especially in Gina’s kids they’re always taking money to get them ill. Otherwise they’re grounded. Kerry had to punish his dog, Ripley. She had ejected a disc from the Xbox360 and chewed a game to pieces. With kids it’s 9 times out of 10 they are unruly. With Kerry’s dogs it’s the inverse. And a clean shirt for the dog everyday is ridiculous unlike kids. And guess what, Kerry can have buttered noodles any time he wants. The only example he has to set is to not bark at the mailman.

Bill Frost’s sign-off: don’t give an old lady a boner

A Great Son
Before Bill left yesterday, he called his mother and she said “I just want you to know you’ve been a great son.” Isn’t it nice to hear a sweet lie before he goes to die? Dillon (guest Bill and Bill’s son) only worry about the escapade is that when he gets back Bill won’t be able to shut up about it. Later in the summer is what Dillon is worried about. Not for Bill in this case, but for himself. Slain polygamist leader, Bill Allred, is taking his old family and his new family on a rafting trip in vernal. Dillon’s worried because he’s like Kerry: his idea of the outdoors is having a drink on the patio.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by shoulder steak, Boner #2 wins.
Cut it Off! A man is petition Tennessee state for child support help. He has 30+ kids with over 10 different women.

Peddlin’ Fast
Gina has to pick up her old kid from school before an X96 event. Richie thinks he’s old enough for a bike or a bus pass. She is against public transportation and it’s too far and uphill for biking. Richie would like his kid to bike to school for when he misses the bus. His wife doesn’t like him crossing Redwood Rd. Richie used to walk to elementary school and junior high. During his first year of high school, he hitchhiked there. Often he would get a ride from the guy in the creeper van. Richie thinks his kid should learn from his first experience being followed by the creeper van to peddle faster. This is just another piece of the puzzle for Kerry.

Boner of the Week
Dave the Flower Guy chooses Boner #3, Up Yours, Copper!, as the BotW.

Gina’s sign-off: this is in no way the Radio From Hell show

You’re Doing it Wrong
Bill is not yet gone and still not packed, but he’s leaving today. If Kerry was the one going, he would have had his stuff packed and by the door weeks ago. Well, it really would have been his subservient, Asian wife. Sue would have intervened because Kerry would have been packing incorrectly. Even if he were just traveling by himself she would do it because “you can’t see the pattern [of packing] because you’re okay with wearing the same socks for a week.” Without women, Kerry, like the rest of men, would be really dirty. He’s lucky he cut his hair and took out his earring 2 weeks before meeting Sue or she would’ve passed right by him. The big thing now is Kerry can’t go out in geek-logo clothing.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by a protein bar and some ice cream (on the way back), Boner #1 wins.
You Think You’re Safe? A guy that had had his house broken into and warned his friend. To make sure his friend took precautions he pretended to break into his friend’s house at night. His friend shot him in the chest.

The Last Time
Bill called in to check in one last time. Yesterday, Gina gave Bill a quick hug and ‘have fun.’ Richie asked “that’s it?” Richie said how much he appreciated Bill in case Bill dies. Kerry didn’t make a big deal of it, cause it would curse it “have a good time and see you when you get back.” Bill truly called in to say he was crying in front of the mirror as he realized it would be the last time he would use his electric toothbrush. Bill is also sad that Ninevah (guest Bill) sounded so comfortable. He’s now not comfortable. Bill lastly said it’s gratifying that Gina is actually working.

Gina’s sign-off: next time can we get an ugly person in here?

In Your Condition
Gina’s husband Joe worked late so she took the kids to Noodles & Company. It’s okay fast food for her kids because it’s not fried. Gina was babysitting her good-looking sister’s kids. Gina pounds her fist on the table saying they are all good-looking. Bill says Gina should be pounding her fists or boxing because of her pain. Gina has good bones, just bad, swollen joints. If Gina went to her doctor he would probably tell her to hold off until they figure something out. He might also say to not take her family to Noodles.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: stupidity on all levels

Your Things That Must Go
the background music during the show, interviewing juggalos, large conveniently placed ventilation shafts in movies for easy escapes, calling BYU ‘the Y’, the word ‘palpable’, saying the letter ‘y’ like the letter ‘j’, doing the Boner recap off the air, grocery stores locking sorts of items, women who complain that they are about to enter ‘The Grandma Club’, leaving the perfectly, fresh made cup of coffee at home when you leave for work, people who won’t move their stuff from a separate seat on a crowded train or bus, being commanded to ‘wait for it…’, ‘it is what it is’, ‘I know, right!?’, the creepy guy at the gym who stays there for hours but never works out, reality tv shows, pajama pants worn in public, KSL, the Bob and Tom Show, Randy Jackson, the DirecTV salesmen in Sam’s Club, instructions to turn on or up the speakers

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by pork chops, Boner #1 wins.
Up Yours, Copper! A man tried to siphon gas from a police car while holding up a finger to the camera.

TV Clothes Only
Richie will be ‘visiting’ with the hosts of Fresh Living. The show is hosted by Casey Scott and some girl. Kerry says there’s some rumor about Kerry replacing Casey as the host. Kerry is neither fresh nor living. Richie’s wife didn’t like what Richie had planned to wear so she rushed him to the mall. “These clothes are TV clothes only.” Gavin, King of the Underground, seems to be perpetuating the rumor. Bill figures he can, in this rare situation, trace the rumor back to the source. Casey may be thinking of having more family time. It’s just a rumor. Kerry may become Utah’s Seacrest.

Gina’s sign-off: did you know Bill, it’s the most dangerous airport in the world that you’re flying into?

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: a pee bottle with a hole in it

Yeti are Terrible Pilots
Bill got some more emails warning him about the world’s most dangerous airport and the plane crash at another airport in Nepal. Bill told Dean about this and he responded “well, it is pretty exciting.” Bill will be alright.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by tuna caper pasta and a delicious salad with greens from Bill’s garden, Boner #3 wins.
Your Actions Have Consequences A 12-year old girl didn’t get good enough grades so her parents sent her out in an adult diaper, after shaving her head, to collect trash around the neighborhood.

Unforgettable Quote #1
“You put anything between two pieces of bread, that’s a sandwich.”—Gina Barberi

Unforgettable Quote #2
“Send me somewhere with a pee bottle.”—Gina Barberi

Gina’s sign-off: where’s the wurst?

The Real Indiana Jones
Several listeners informed Bill of a deadly crash at the region he is soon to fly into. Kerry’s philosophy is pre-disaster. So Bill’s okay. Bill is nervous for the trek. He’s still not ready with stuff yet to pack. And he now has to procure a pee bottle. The way Bill likes to do things, he gets a certain type of product that’s expensive. He could just get a used Gatorade bottle for the times in the night to avoid climbing over other people’s cots and going out in the cold. You watch Indiana Jones as a kid and you miss all the discomfort of someone actually doing that. Bill Frost suggests a Big Ass mug for Bill’s pee bottle. The big worry is leaving his wife alone with two monsters.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: Richie Steadman sauntering in

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by a won ton and noodle soup, Boner #3 wins.
I Didn’t Think He Could Get Any Gayer The Pennsylvania senate president (R) was sarcastically surprised that President Obama supports gay marriage.

Chocolate Right Now!
While Bill is gone to Nepal, there will be guest fill-ins: Nineva Dinha, Bill Frost, Chris Vanocur and others. Gina listened to the Let’s Go Eat Show episode where Bill interviewed Chris and learned nothing about him. The Geekshow gave wedding advice to Tony about which Gina is still concerned. One panelist’s wife works at the British market. Bill went there to get some tea for his mother and she gave him some chocolate to give to Gina for Joe. Bill ate them. He did share them with his family. They needed chocolate desperately or else.

Gina’s sign-off: Am I a southpaw?

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: giving a care

Unforgettable Quote #1
“You know, sneezes: they’re like fingerprints.”—Bill Allred

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by pasta primavera, Boner #3 wins.
Well, You Look Like You’re in Pain, But We Don’t Think You Are A woman on crutches and with a leg brace tried to get a prescription refilled but was arrested. No one actually called her doctor to confirm the legitimacy of the prescription.

Ready As I’ll Ever Be
Dean Cardinale emailed Bill yesterday to see if he was ready to go on the expedition to Mt. Everest Base Camp. No, Bill is not. He doesn’t yet have everything on his packing list and it’s not packed. Bill feels he’s in enough shape though his knee hurts. He got a shot in his knee, so he’s set there. Maybe he should have Kerry’s wife, Sue, come and pack for him.

Unforgettable Quote #2
“I’m totally fine with being an average mom.”—Gina Barberi

Boner of the Week
Dave chooses Boner #1, Shock ‘Em, Shock Em’ Good!, as the BotW.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: gay marriage

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by a little bit of this and a little bit of that, Boner #1 wins.
TSA Busted My Diabetes Pump Salt Lake Int’l Airport TSA agents broke a woman’s $10,000 insulin pump because they said it was okay to pass through the xray scanner.

Loose Tooth
When Gina was a kid, she and her sister were roller skating in their unfinished basement. They spun around and ran into each other knocking out a tooth each. Yesterday, Gina’s replacement tooth felt funny and it popped out. She quickly got an appointment with her dentist. But before she went, Richie had her take her new security i.d. photo with a missing-tooth-smile. Richie was jealous that he can’t do that toothless thing anymore.

Ask An Addiction Specialist
Eric Schmidt is the CEO for the New Roads Treatment Center. There are two types of addictions: biological (process/behavioral) and chemical. Interventions do work (not for Kerry) but you should have a certified mediator present to make it work. People that become addicted to something may have one or a combination of a predisposition, phsyco-social influences and exposure. Kids that get addicted to heroin don’t know what actually ‘floats their boat’ and can’t/don’t know how to get high otherwise. It’s important to treat mental health drug dosages and pill addictions concurrently. Contact the county substance abuse department for directions on getting help.

Dust Connection
All the trash in Bill’s trash can had been emptied onto the counter. It isn’t okay because it fits in with the dirty studio. People that do that would do it if it was clean too. But the place is so dirty that it can’t be cleaned. It’s why the website is down. The dust has become part of the electrical connections and the radio will break if someone tried to clean the dust away.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: too many people in the studio this morning

Things That Must Go
Gina
commercials about class action lawsuits ‘if you or one of your loved ones…has suffered death”
tostadas
adding a drum beat to really good, popular pop songs just to play them on the pop stations

Bill
Hoda Kotb and Kathy Lee
“America runs on Dunkin’”
people who call in to the show and say “I have a question” or “I have a comment”
drippy coffee to-go cups
people who pronounce the article ‘a’ with a long-a sound

Kerry
people taking plants from the garden center in grocery stores to the self checkout and leaving dirt on the scanner
crowding someone in a section of produce
U.S. citizens thinking that civil rights are something you can vote on
people nit-picking the Avengers about stuff like Black Widow not having a Russian accent

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by bean and bacon soup, Boner #2 wins.
I Got the Idea From Mitt A Ft. Wayne, IN man drove 3 blocks, while drunk, with 4 young children strapped to the hood of his vehicle.

Used to Be That Guy
Richie went to run the Vancouver marathon. On the plane he sat down next to a girl who asked had a flowered, leather Bible on her lap: “Do know much about Jesus?” When he responded to her next question “Where do you worship?” She responded “Oh. So you mind if I ask you some questions?” She turned out to be Miss ‘Sooner’ State and is now Richie’s Facebook friend. She looks Jesus-y. As Richie retold this story, he might have got a whole missionary discussion out on the radio. If that would’ve happened to Bill, he would have asked for a stewardess to move him. As much as she would think she was doing him a favor ‘how dare you!?’ Bill’s doing her a favor by not farting next to her. “What do you know about farting?” “I believe this fart is true.”

Goodbye, Big Green Fan
When Kerry was a kid his aunt used a big fan that ran from spring to fall in her house. When she died all the relatives were allowed to take something from her house. His brother took some gold, but Kerry remembered the fan and took. He also has had it run all summer long. He figures it has been operating every year for 60 years. This morning he woke up to the smell of burning electrics. He now will leave it at the cemetery as a tribute to her on Memorial Day.

Commando Barberi
Bill is really excited by Google cars that will soon be able to be self-operating. It will help people when they are drunk and need to get home from the bar. He loves the self-parallel parking cars. Gina thinks all of this is why we as Americans are soft. That is a skill everybody should have. Kerry thinks Gina is afraid that we will turn into the fat humans in Wall-e. It’s not about luxury; it’s about people losing skills. This from the girl who’s losing a tooth.

Gina’s sign-off: I’m gonna have some mush