NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: not having up-to-date copy

Nothing But the Best
Kerry thought he had seen all troubles that the station could throw at him. The web cam is not showing Title IX Sports with Amy. It is showing the Ask A Juggalo. The audio from that interview is also being played. Xmission’s Pete Ashdown emailed in an offer to fix it for them because he is also sick of all the web problems.

It’s So Refreshing
When Gina went to get her latte this morning, Todd Collard (Bee 98.7) got the barista, D.J. to add orange juice to Gina’s order. However, when she arrived, the D.J. told her that after Todd got his glass, there was no more. All there was for Gina was an empty glass on which Todd had written ‘it’s so refreshing.’ D.J. also informed Gina that he’s pretty much the only one that orders both. Gina should take the cup to ebay since Todd is a radio celebrity.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some hotdogs, Boner #3 wins.
Shock ‘Em, Shock Em’ Good! At the Judge Rotenberg Education Center in Canton. MA, students with disabilities were electrically shocked to control behavior and for discipline when they had outbursts.

Gina’s High Horse
Sometimes Gina’s husband, Joe, makes proclamations. One of them is no air-conditioning until Memorial Day. A couple of years ago he decided no more buttered noodles. Kerry went home straight away and had some ‘spite noodles’. She thinks these are dumb ass things. His new one is that they are all to drink only non-homogenized milk. Gina says it’s wrong—we have technology so we don’t have to do it. Bill yells at Gina for bringing it to the radio rather than talking to her husband. Gina thinks it will just sit in the fridge and rot because the kids won’t drink it.

One of the Geekshow panelists is opening up a vegan deli with his wife. Gina is also perturbed at the idea of a vegan deli. There should only be meat and cheese. “It’s not a deli.”  If it’s not in Gina’s world it makes no sense. Kerry is sorry he brought up the topic of vegan deli. He won’t mention the name or else she’ll be upset about that too. “I have expectations of a deli. Call it something else.” Kerry texts Leigh saying that Gina is disallowing him calling it a deli. “When I have deli needs it means I have meat needs.” Look forward to Atropos having a companion Twitter account to Gina’s Dead Horse.

Caveat Cupcakes
Some listener made cupcakes for Kerry to share at the Geekshow recordings session. He forgot to take them to the gig. They still should be good enough for Gina to carb-up to do her boxing training with Zach from Gold’s Gym. Bill does that too, and it’s really hard. Gina has her non-professionally made food policy, however. “I don’t trust it.” Bill has kind of been chuckling at the thought of Gina boxing because after the first time he did it, his hand was trembling for hours. Thought it does depend how hard Gina can hit. He tries to get her to hit him in the arm but she just laughs as he keeps saying “c’mon!” and figures that will pretty much be the whole 45 minute workout.

Gina’s sign-off: you shouldn’t drink anything with a cream plug

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: the Kentucky Derby

Business Attire
Intern Kaiken is dressed up in business style clothes because of one of her school classes—they have to dress up once a week. Bill thinks it’s stupid because wearing clothes aren’t going to teach anything. Gina says that it would change the frame of mind. Bill agrees—so they would need to do it just once. Maybe Gina should wear business clothes to change her frame of mind. She doesn’t have any business clothes. Kerry’s wife Sue has been thinking about becoming a personal shopper. Maybe she could start with Gina’s wardrobe. Kerry says today you shouldn’t be wearing business; you should be wearing a Star Wars t-shirt: May the 4^th be with you! Gina’s daughter Jonesie was asked to write something about her favorite movie. She wrote that she likes Star Wars but it is kind of weird that Luke and Leia are siblings. Bill thinks she should’ve been required to wear business clothes when she wrote that.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by kind of Vietnamese pork and shrimp kind of a wrap with mint and carrots and cucumbers from leftover pork tenderloin and rice—like a Thai or Vietnamese burrito, Boner #3 wins.
We are Really, Really Sorry A guy picked up in a drug nab after just getting high was forgotten in a holding cell for four days.

Too Tall Tony
Former intern Too Tall Tony is now the producer and designated driver for The Geekshow Podcast. Kerry has planned for the Geekshow panel to give Tony some advice before his upcoming marriage about sex and married life. Gina says “poor Tony.” She may need to show up to the recording of the episode to be Tony’s defense.

Boner of the Week
Dave chooses yesterday’s Boner, Rape ‘Em!, as the BotW.

Gina’s sign-off: one day, 6 hours, 29 minutes ‘til the derby

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: bitchers on the chat

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by an enormous hamburger, Boner #3 wins.
Rape ‘Em! A radio personality in Cleveland told a caller that he should invite a friend over to rape his lesbian daughter straight.

Ask A Juggalo
Sir Buggaboo showed up in his Insane Clown Posse makeup (white with black eyes and mouth in a distinctive design). His companion Mandy did not, but she did most of the talking. Not all juggalos are gang members, but sometimes see their group behavior as gang-like. The makeup is used for shock factor, just not worn every day. The band that is the motivation for the following is comprised of evangelicals who self-made their own careers. They don’t take no crap from the world and say what they want. “If you get passed the murder and stabbing” there is a lot of meaning in the lyrics. Juggalos have good pursuits like locally helping cff.org. Who knew so many of the juggalo persuasion were FOPs?

Gina’s sign-off: maybe the show will be funny tomorrow.

I’m Just Sayin’
Radio From Hell won the best radio Fabby from Q Salt Lake magazine. The best radio personality was Doug Fabrizzio with Gina and Bill as runners up. Bill interviewed Doug for The Let’s Go Eat Show. Doug is so good looking! Hope Woodside also did well in the awards. Gina says HD t.v. is treating Hope well. She was worried about Hope with that high definition. Bill tries to get Gina to say why it wouldn’t be kind to Hope. She was concerned. That’s Gina avoiding being bitchy and catty in saying Hope is older. Kerry has no problem. also Nineva Dinha has worn too much make up. HD has toned it down.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: not having a good bowl movement

Your Things That Must Go
adults who hog the observation windows at zoos or aquariums, ‘proly’—it’s probably, people who complain about work on Facebook while at work about their friends who are their coworkers, TSA giving a 6-week old daughter a pat down, group photos where everyone is jumping, the fact that the movie Big Miracle cut Sarah’s scene, people not wearing their shoes in places they should be, conversations on the phone in the bathroom while someone is doing their business, Christina Aguilera on the Voice, getting old, d.j.s not saying phone #s when they ask for calls, other radio stations copying the Workers’ Union, when all the radio presets are on commercial break at the same time, businesses attempting to charge more for the electronic version of something than the hardcopy version, pee on the toilet seat, being commanded to “wait for it…”, musicians that insist on dancing like Michael Jackson, women bating men into objectifying them with extra cleavagy Facebook profile photos, when parents scream at their children to “STOP YELLING!”,

Chicken Ticket
Popeyes chicken restaurants are coming to Utah. Gina asked Joe if they could buy one. “Maybe…” He wouldn’t eat it but he would make money off it. Gina says Foothill needs more fast food; she’s sick of the Wendy’s and always gets stuck in the drive thru. What if Radio From Hell owned a franchise? If Kerry and Bill pitch in $5,000 and had Gina’s husband Joe pony up the rest of the capital. Kerry would gladly put in just $500 if he could eat all the chicken he wanted to. He could just get a laminated card for every time he went.

Unforgettable Quote
“We should put suits on and ruin things.”—Gina Barberi

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some barbecue chicken, Boner #2 wins.
Wanna Lay Out? Two teens were tanning in the road when a car came around the corner and ran over them—it was one of the girl’s cousin.

Coffee and O.J.
Gina and Bill’s brother-in-law, Todd from B98.7, get coffee every morning at the same place and about the same time. Today, he made her late. The attendant had to run to the storage shack to get some more orange juice for Todd’s order. Gina was confused that Todd would order a cup of coffee and orange juice. Kerry understands that but doesn’t get that they would spend $5/day for morning drinks. “That’s not what this is about.” Bill says she should shift it to that because, this is stupid. Maybe Gina should realize that Todd works with his wife. Well, if it’s for her, then that’s okay.

Gina’s sign-off: he’s not gonna show

Erster Bar Mixer
Bill sat down at a table next to a guy named Kent. Kent was wearing a bolo tie with Kokapeli on it and sitting by himself. He asked him how long he had been listening. “I guess I’ve been listening about 3 weeks.” He mistuned his radio. For years he listened to Fisher Todd and Erin on the Bee, but he found he really liked Radio From Hell by accident. Gina couldn’t come by herself; Kerry wouldn’t—he’s anti-social. Bill could do it if he were in a new place and didn’t know anyone in town. He was delighted by the freckled, young hostess. She grabbed Bill by both hands as he walked out, “you really have to go on the swinging bridge.”

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: too many out of work astronauts these days

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some appetizers, like crab dip, Boner #3 wins.
Just Take a Loan from the ‘Dad Bank’ Mitt Romney suggests that during difficult economic situations for young folks, they should just borrow $20,000 grand from their parents to start a business.

Equal Time with Dave Owen
During the taping of The Vanocur Group, Bill felt that Jim Dabakis and Dave Owen almost came to blows about Mia Love raising taxes several times as mayor of Saratoga Springs. Dave corrects saying he was happy about what Jim was saying and jokily said he would offer to raise the money to run the ads. Ask Carl Wimmer how that tactic worked for him. Dave is kind of helping Mia Love’s congressional campaign and reveals that she isn’t taking Jim Matheson and the democrats lightly. Al Jazeera television is talking all about Mia Love, so she’s a big deal across the country and world. Romney is already looking better on the general election than on the foreign ground of the conservative battle. Voters aren’t really going to pay attention until after Labor Day.

Unforgettable Quote #1
“I don’t trust my phone in the bathroom.”—Gina Barberi

Gina is the Ugliest!
Kerry downloaded an ugly rating app that Bill mentioned in the Celebutard News. Oddly it finds that all the cast of Radio From Hell, including Richie, is good-looking …except Gina. Even with the picture of Bill with his eyes closed. Gina isn’t sure that the app is really judging anything. Richie is still asking to find out what Gina’s weight is after her entire Den of Lies story was “I weigh 163 lbs.” Bill thinks it is 143. Richie picked her up to check. That’s why he started guessing at 180.

Unforgettable Quote #2
“Richie come in here; let’s see how ugly you are.”—Kerry Jackson

Gina’s sign-off: they’re not pansies—they don’t set their own schedule

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: nunchucking

No, You’re Doing it Wrong!
Bill went out to somebody’s house for dinner. Gina also did over the weekend and wonders if Bill feels as she does. She has a hard time being at somebody’s house and just sitting and watching them prepare the meal. It’s the opposite at the studio; it doesn’t make her uncomfortable not helping on the show. It would be kind of rude to impose “step aside; let me do it.” Kerry suggests mumbling “no, you’re doing it wrong.” and they’ll be sure to get out of the way. Bill surmises the real thing that Gina has a hard time with is what people will prepare for the meal. She doesn’t have that problem because they cater to her needs in spite of what they want or that they’re vegetarians. This all flies in the face of Gina’s rule to not eat something from someone else’s kitchen. Her policy, she says, is if she’s seen the kitchen. Also, in restaurants she has the loophole that she trusts the government inspecting restaurant kitchens. She illogically deludes her mind that an inspection actually happened and cleared the place for spotlessness. If she thought about it too much, she wouldn’t ever go out. Pretty much Kerry says it’s silly to argue with the dimwitted.

Unforgettable Quote
“Missiles? Who doesn’t want missiles?!”—Gina Barberi

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by Barbacoa burritos, Boner #3 wins.
Homosexuals Interfere with Our Message The Boy Scouts dismissed a den mother, a volunteer position, because she was a lesbian.

The World Needs Ditch-Diggers Too
Kerry needs to clean out his comic book stash. He used to give ‘em to Gina’s kid Festus and will probably do that again and to Bill’s kid. He would like to give him to Richie’s boy but for grades. Gina asks if Kerry getting comic books as a kid was contingent on good grades. His mom just wanted him to get C’s “it’s not below average.” Gina questions that mentality. Bill says kids are under too much pressure otherwise. Gina says requiring the bare-minimum of kids is not okay. Gina isn’t saying Kerry’s mother is a failure; Kerry is the failure. Kerry has done well. “I’m exceptional!” Bill would be happy for his kid to do anything. If he said to Bill “you know what I’ve decided Dad? I want to work at a tire store and bus tires…” Bill would be thrilled. If Kerry had a kid, he’d be thrilled if he stayed out of jail. Richie’s mom always said “don’t get anyone pregnant and don’t have the cops bring you home.”

Save the Soil
Brent and Tara, who have just move from Boston, are the Radio From Hell gardeners. They will be taking care of a small plot at Wasatch Community Gardens (at 900 S 200 W). Kerry, Bill and Gina desired a salsa-producing garden, so that’s the direction. It would be cool to have a live camera but it is something that X96 will never do. Richie will have something just like that—not live, not a webcam, but something people can go see. Kids on college dorms can do this it would be nice if X96 could. Gina’s fine with what they have. She’s shooting for the C average.
wasatchgardens.org

Gina’s sign-off: why don’t you wanna box me?

10 Minutes to Mindless Chatter
Colbert made a joke about an old saying in radio “we’ve got 3 hours to fill—keep talking.” Kerry figured out that their ratings continue into a 4^th hour say they go 6-10 a.m. The flip side is there’s no way you can be entertaining for four straight hours 5 days a week. Management suggested once to start at 5:30 to ramp the audience up. Bill thinks you should have static at that time so listeners would be anxious for the mindless chatter at 6. Kerry thinks maybe the ticking of a clock. A few times last week Bill felt that he didn’t have any left to give; he’s well was dry. A dry hole is never a good thing.

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: 3-4 hours of mindless chatter across the country on radio stations

Deuce Bigelow: Anti-Vaccinator
After a range of serious topics, comedian Rob Schneider goes off the conversation track by saying that vaccines for children don’t have any science behind them. Don’t do it. The government got tricked into paying for all of them. Polio and small pox weren’t eradicated by vaccines; they just ran through the virus life cycle. After Rob left, Gina Googled the doctor who Rob attributed with all of his findings. The first 15 links were about how that guy is a quack and only wants to push his vitamin products. It’s a good thin Bill doesn’t need any shots before he heads to Katmandu.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some chicken and some salad, Boner #1 wins.
You Are a Grave and Immoral Sinner A teacher at a church school was fired because she and her husband went in for in vitro fertilization.

Boner of the Week
Dave the Flower Guy chooses yesterday’s Boner, She Doesn’t Walk Like an American, as the BotW.

Gina’s sign-off: he’s gotta get his Dip/Tet

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: having to do 10 live ads today

Why is That Necessary?!
Kerry spends the 1^st hour of the show restarting everything. The streaming is down still. Mike, engineer for the station, should just set his alarm for 5:45 a.m. to reset the streaming. Maybe an intern should just show up at that time with donuts at Mike’s house. “Nothing works!” Kerry says “if they want us after April 1^st, we need a separate studio” where no one else touches things. Bill’s charging dock for his phone was once again needlessly unplugged and moved. Someone also felt the need to pull the battery out of the wall clock. “What the hell?!?”

Feeding the Dogs
Scott Pierce, of the Salt Lake Tribune and a panelist for Geekshow Podcast, emailed Kerry to see if he would allow a photographer to come to his house and shoot his dogs. Kerry would do anything for Scott so he agreed. After further email exchanges about details, Kerry finally asked “what is this for?” The paper is doing a story on people who make food for their dogs. Bill suggests that Sue dress to the 9s and Kerry just be in his pajamas as a shlub.

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some Indian food, Boner #3 wins.
She Doesn’t Walk Like an American A 7-year old girl with cerebral palsy is given further screening by TSA on every flight she takes because she has metal leg braces and crutches. She is also developmentally disabled and becomes frightened. Her family was delayed and missed their flight.

Ask A Sex Therapist
Emil Harker is the director for Changes Therapy and is often on Channel 2’s Fresh Living. Couple therapy lasts for only 1 hour/week. That isn’t much in the way of headway but after the initial work, nothing happens unless people do more the rest of the week. Divorce is not a parachute out of badness into paradise. Happy couples can still have trouble connecting intimately. Mismanaging the priority of intimacy can cause it to die. Communication doesn’t take much time, it just takes a little effort and you have to set a time to do it. Intimacy often follows the rules of supply and demand. If you Bill and Kerry get confused at this explanation: “so if you drink a lot of Coke, you have a lot of sex?” Gina clarifies “nobody drinking Pepsi has sex.” Kerry saves you a lot of money with this thought: at the beginning of a relationship: just flip a coin to decide who chooses where to eat; then alternate. That eliminates fighting over that often and trivial situation. There’s something on any menu to eat since we’re all adults. If your sex life needs a little spice, just remember that if you’re dressed as a kitty, just don’t have the kid on your hip.
emil@changesyou.com

Unforgettable Quote #1
“It’s a growly ass-kicker.”—Gina Barberi

Unforgettable Quote #2
“I don’t want to pee in the street.”—Gina Barberi

Gina’s sign-off: I gotta go pee in the street

NATIONAL THREAT LEVEL: leprosy

Relish This!
Bill brings the idea that maybe there should only be Boner candidates with an element of humor. It seems that the ones with child harm usual are winners—it’s not fair. Gina seems confused about changing the feature. Kerry and Bill made the thing so why shouldn’t they be able to change the rule? Just something to consider. Gina votes ‘no.’ That surprises Bill knowing how much Gina relishes change and she never met a conclusion she wouldn’t jump to. “Relish This!” Gina says as she flips Bill off. Gina knew instantly the right answer and didn’t need to think about it. Kerry says Gina will have to forgive Bill and he since they usually make decisions with Gina not here.

Your Things That Must Go
vanity plates with the make and model of the car that they are attached to, itty-bitty Mormon soccer moms that drive SUVs that are too big for them, spitting lugies or chew on the ground right when you get out of the car, the Kardashians, Rihanna, Kanye West, roommate that won’t move out when notified the fiancé will be moving in, putting on perfume that you thought smelled good when you sample it but now it’s nauseating, special KTVX night team, Dancing With The Stars being termed ‘news’, any news story about an actual fat cat, the guy that relieved the contents of his stomach into the waterless urinal, when someone wouldn’t wish a migraine on their very worst enemy, eyelashes for cars, hipsters, when people call the Radio From Hell show and ask “how are you?”, the husband’s ex-wife, when you see someone you know driving in the car next to you light after light—who wants to have a rolled-down-window-yelling conversation?, Facebook not having a dislike button, having to wait almost a year for season 2 of Game of Thrones, aging, dentistry, Valentine’s Day, the creepy co-worker with the long-ass beard that tries to flirt with you, smokers thinking that quitting is an interesting conversation topic, being a newly single mother and getting the question “who’s the daddy?”

Boner of the Day
Brought to you in part by some sausage, Boner #3 wins.
Little Autistic Bastard A father sent an audio recording device with his son who has autism. He didn’t believe the reports that his son had started hitting teachers. The audio caught a teacher gossiping about alcohol, yelling at students and saying to his son “you are a little bastard.”

Onion Ring Wednesday
Gina is still decisive about what she wants for the Boner of the Day. She also was adamant about not having a returning champion for Battle of the Records. What other ideas does Gina need to make certain or change about the show? Maybe they should start having onion rings on the show. “Why is Wednesday onion ring day?” It has to be the thin kind. Gina once had the idea for the Boner recap. Bill disagrees. Gina doesn’t want to argue about that. “Who keeps wanting to go to NY? It’s on the board!” Listener Nate says if they do only comedy Boner candidates it’ll end up as the idiot of the day like other shows. Bill will definitely listen to Nate over Gina. Wasn’t he also the one that came up with the idea for the Boner recap.

Gina’s sign-off: I’m gonna go on the swinging bridge